Sunday, November 25, 2012

RJG Discusses Potential Moves With Brian Cashman

With the winter proceeding at a snail's pace, we decided it was time to call up good friend of the blog, Yankees GM Brian Cashman, to find what was going on. The following is a transcript of our conversation:

BC: Hello?

RJG: Good morrow, sir! How is the Bronniest of the Cashman's doing this fine evening?

BC: Fine I gue . . . wait, what?

RJG: How are you doing this fine evening?

BC: Yeah, I get that, but you just said 'good morrow'. Bid me. You just bid me 'good morrow'.

RJG: And?

BC: Well is it morrow or evening?

RJG: Well, uh . . . hmm . . . you see . . . the thing is, we're in different time zones, so that's probably the cause of the confusion.

BC: I can see your area code on my caller ID, we're not in different time zones.

RJG: That's not really the point is it? I mean, seems like you're just being mean right now for no reason.

BC: I'm sorry. You're right. It's just that I'm frustrated with my Christmas gift ideas and I'm taking it out on you, which is unfair.

RJG: Christmas gifts, huh? I can help you with that. What do you got so far?

BC: Well, for my wife, I was thi . . .

RJG: Ex-wife.

BC: . . . nking . . . wait, what?

RJG: Ex-wife. For your ex-wife you were thinking.

BC: It's not final yet.

RJG: When the New York Post has a whole series of articles on your affair with a crazy woman, it's pretty final.

BC: Are you going to help me or not?

RJG: I can't help you if you won't be honest with me, and that starts with you being honest with yourself.

BC: For my WIFE I was thinking a 3D TV.

RJG: Seems expensive, but you can afford it. What's wrong with that idea?

BC: The 3D thing bugs me a bit.

RJG: Pray tell.

BC: Well, it's just a weird technology. Like, when you watch a movie at home, how often do you sit there and think, 'Man, if only I'd paid an extra $1000 for this TV so I could wear sunglasses while watching it?'.

RJG: How hungover am I?

BC: Like a standard hangover.

RJG: You're right, I never think that.

BC: You see?

RJG: Yeah, that's a dilemma. Well what else you got?

BC: Well, my daughter is a big Star Wars fan and I thought about the Blu-Ray set for her.

RJG: Sounds reasonably thoughtful. What's the issue with that one?

BC: Well, they wen't a little overboard with the extras.

RJG: Totally! I wish George Lucas would stop fussing with the originals and just leave them in the brilliant form we all remember from our childhood!

BC: No, I mean like the deleted scenes and stuff.

RJG: What's wrong with the deleted scenes? Fans love stupid $#!% like that.

BC: Yeah, but there's some weird stuff on there. Like, you know that scene in A New Hope when the guy loading R2 into Luke's X-Wing is all, 'Don't you want a new droid? This one's a piece of crap!' And Luke is all, 'No way man, me and that droid have been through a lot together'?

RJG: Yeah.

BC: Well, in the original scene Luke delivers that line and then knowingly looks at R2. Then they immediately cut to a flashback love scene between the two.

RJG: That's #%&@ing weird.

BC: Yeah, and then there's this really awkward scene where 3PO finds out about it.

RJG: I can see why you don't want your kids exposed to that.

BC: You see my dilemma? I'm pretty much nowhere with this stupid list!

RJG: I know what you can get! You can get Yankees fans a finished roster. Or something like that. You know, doing your job and the like.

BC: It's not all about you, RJG.

RJG: You do know my name isn't RJG, right?


Well there you have it folks! The Yankees' winter plans are in process and soon we will all have a team to be proud of.


Uncle Mike said...

You'd think, by now, Cashman would screen his calls better, to avoid, you know, people with good points to make.

Rich Mahogany said...

Brian Cashman is the definition of a flawed hero; a modern-day Achilles.