With the winter proceeding at a snail's pace, we decided it was time to call up good friend of the blog, Yankees GM Brian Cashman, to find what was going on. The following is a transcript of our conversation:
BC: Hello?
RJG: Good morrow, sir! How is the Bronniest of the Cashman's doing this fine evening?
BC: Fine I gue . . . wait, what?
RJG: How are you doing this fine evening?
BC: Yeah, I get that, but you just said 'good morrow'. Bid me. You just bid me 'good morrow'.
RJG: And?
BC: Well is it morrow or evening?
RJG: Well, uh . . . hmm . . . you see . . . the thing is, we're in different time zones, so that's probably the cause of the confusion.
BC: I can see your area code on my caller ID, we're not in different time zones.
RJG: That's not really the point is it? I mean, seems like you're just being mean right now for no reason.
BC: I'm sorry. You're right. It's just that I'm frustrated with my Christmas gift ideas and I'm taking it out on you, which is unfair.
RJG: Christmas gifts, huh? I can help you with that. What do you got so far?
BC: Well, for my wife, I was thi . . .
RJG: Ex-wife.
BC: . . . nking . . . wait, what?
RJG: Ex-wife. For your ex-wife you were thinking.
BC: It's not final yet.
RJG: When the New York Post has a whole series of articles on your affair with a crazy woman, it's pretty final.
BC: Are you going to help me or not?
RJG: I can't help you if you won't be honest with me, and that starts with you being honest with yourself.
BC: For my WIFE I was thinking a 3D TV.
RJG: Seems expensive, but you can afford it. What's wrong with that idea?
BC: The 3D thing bugs me a bit.
RJG: Pray tell.
BC: Well, it's just a weird technology. Like, when you watch a movie at home, how often do you sit there and think, 'Man, if only I'd paid an extra $1000 for this TV so I could wear sunglasses while watching it?'.
RJG: How hungover am I?
BC: Like a standard hangover.
RJG: You're right, I never think that.
BC: You see?
RJG: Yeah, that's a dilemma. Well what else you got?
BC: Well, my daughter is a big Star Wars fan and I thought about the Blu-Ray set for her.
RJG: Sounds reasonably thoughtful. What's the issue with that one?
BC: Well, they wen't a little overboard with the extras.
RJG: Totally! I wish George Lucas would stop fussing with the originals and just leave them in the brilliant form we all remember from our childhood!
BC: No, I mean like the deleted scenes and stuff.
RJG: What's wrong with the deleted scenes? Fans love stupid $#!% like that.
BC: Yeah, but there's some weird stuff on there. Like, you know that scene in A New Hope when the guy loading R2 into Luke's X-Wing is all, 'Don't you want a new droid? This one's a piece of crap!' And Luke is all, 'No way man, me and that droid have been through a lot together'?
RJG: Yeah.
BC: Well, in the original scene Luke delivers that line and then knowingly looks at R2. Then they immediately cut to a flashback love scene between the two.
RJG: That's #%&@ing weird.
BC: Yeah, and then there's this really awkward scene where 3PO finds out about it.
RJG: I can see why you don't want your kids exposed to that.
BC: You see my dilemma? I'm pretty much nowhere with this stupid list!
RJG: I know what you can get! You can get Yankees fans a finished roster. Or something like that. You know, doing your job and the like.
BC: It's not all about you, RJG.
RJG: You do know my name isn't RJG, right?
[Click]
Well there you have it folks! The Yankees' winter plans are in process and soon we will all have a team to be proud of.
2 comments:
You'd think, by now, Cashman would screen his calls better, to avoid, you know, people with good points to make.
Brian Cashman is the definition of a flawed hero; a modern-day Achilles.
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