Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Pre-Thanksgiving Post


Since I last wrote that Yankees have signed Brian McCann and emerged as the front-runner for Carlos Beltran. They haven't signed Beltran yet because they don't want to add a third year to his contract offer, on account of his old age/knees. The Yankees have also met with Cano's representatives in order to inform them that they are asking for way too much money and that Cano shouldn't be so greedy when negotiating with a strictly-for-profit corporation.

But there are much bigger issues on the horizon as Thanksgiving approaches. For example, if you're living in the world today, then you are probably familiar with a particularly troubling social phenomenon: people with ugly babies. It is a delicate situation to encounter such a person, but unfortunately there is only one way to deal with hideous baby havers: You gotta tell them. You gotta tell them their baby is impossible to look at. In daylight anyways. And to take that ugly @$$ baby and keep it indoors, away from my sensitive optical nerves. That's all there is to it.

This won't be a comfortable conversation. But ugly baby havers can't keep pretending their babies are beautiful. A plain looking baby is one thing, but you can't be showing off an ugly baby. Especially that #$&@ing ugly.

Hideous baby havers lying about their baby's good looks is how we end up with people like Brian Cashman, ugly and yet way too full of themselves. It's gotta stop. Now. Some babies are ugly. Deal with it.

1 comment:

Rich Mahogany said...

The problem is ugly baby havers are in denial, and will not listen to you. They may even see themselves as the victim of slander, much like ARod. Perhaps one can say that ARod is the Yankees' ugly baby.

Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you for your continued journalistic efforts.