Ouch

Here's some off-day news for you. Curt Schilling has lost his baseball fortune in a now bankrupt video game venture. This finally answers the age-old question, is there anything Curt Schilling knows less about than politics?

Losing Streak Reaches Two Games

The Good

Hughes refuses to put to rest the debate about his effectiveness as a starter, giving us something to talk about. Thanks, Hughes! Jeter, Chavez, Rodriguez, and Cano all hit home runs.

The Bad

Hughes gave up six runs in less than five innings. That's over a run an inning. Math, people. Math.

The Ugly

After the game, sensing a depressed mood in the clubhouse, team Captain, Derek Jeter stood up in the middle of the clubhouse and gave a stirring speech, firing up the troops.

"We lost today," began Jeter to a somber clubhouse. "Hell, we lost yesterday. But that doesn't mean we can't be winners. We can all be winners when we check out my website, jetersfordchallenge.com. When you go there you can see my new Edge. I got mine in Blazing Copper. Watch as I blaze my copper everywhere I go. Oh, what's that?! It's blazing! Oh man, is that copper?! Yep. Blazing Copper. Trademark #*@&$, don't be going around saying that. So just remember, we can still be winners. But just to be clear, I'm already a winner. Blazing Copper out."

Needless to say, the applause was rousing.

The Love You Take Is Equal to the Love You Make

The Yankees seem to be unaware that we're in a recession. Look, we're happy to donate our money to charity, but did they really need to hit four home runs in a losing effort? Four? WTF? $8 more. That's WTF!

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 7hr = $14
Curtis Granderson 21hr = $42
Alex Rodriguez 11hr = $22
Robinson Cano 14hr = $28
Mark Teixeira 12hr = $24
Eric Chavez 4hr = $8
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 105hr = $210

Win Streak Ends

The Good

The 2012 season ended on June 19th. As the players prepared to leave the clubhouse, their disappointed and frustrated looks painted the room the hue of agony. But there was also relief. Hope even. Now the task of rebuilding could begin. Would the Yankees ever field a winner again? There could be no surety. The men, made low by what they had endured, were held up only by the promise of a tomorrow. Hope would sustain. Hope had to sustain.

The Bad

We have to play another game today?! But we lost. Lost! Why even bother getting up in the morning?! All life is is missed scoring opportunities, Rob Thompson irresponsibly sending runners to be thrown out by miles at home plate, failing to hit with runners in scoring position, and giving up runs, and losing games. That's it! That's all life is!

The Ugly

The New York Post is reporting on a closed-door meeting that occurred on May 22, which marked the turn around in the Yankees' season. Cashman spoke at that meeting, and while the article focuses on Bronny's contributions, it is completely silent on the inspiring words of some of the players who spoke up at that meeting.

Among the players who spoke up was none other than the Captain, Derek Jeter, whose words fired up the team.

"I'm not one for speeches," began the Captain, "except for all those classic speeches I've given over the course of my Hall of Fame career. Like the one that closed out the regular season at old Yankee Stadium. You remember. Anyway, we all know we've been playing like crap. Well, not me, I'm always awesome. I'm among the league leaders in hits and batting average, so . . . if you could just give me a little help, I'd really appreciate it. Also, whoever's been using my shampoo, I will kill your prized stallion. Keep #$*&@#$ with me!"

Sorry Kids

But the Braves saw to it that you received no further donations. Are the Braves evil? Probably.

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 21hr = $42
Alex Rodriguez 10hr = $20
Robinson Cano 13hr = $26
Mark Teixeira 12hr = $24
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 101hr = $202

Yanks Take First Game from Braves

The Good

Sabathia pitched a complete game, combining with the offense's six runs to take the first game of this series against the Braves. No one was doing the chop.

The Bad

Sabathia seemed distracted after the game, not really paying attention to the beat reporters' questions. Suddenly he spoke up.

"I still have some Euros leftover from a trip I took. Do I need to get rid of these? I mean, how long do I have before these aren't worth anything?"

There was no good answer to that question.

The Ugly

Have you seen Roger Clemens's kids? I wouldn't click on that if I were you.

The Kids Are Happy

$4 more to the kids from Teixeira and Cano. You're welcome.

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 21hr = $42
Alex Rodriguez 10hr = $20
Robinson Cano 13hr = $26
Mark Teixeira 12hr = $24
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 101hr = $202

Yanks Sweep on Father's Day

The Good

The Yankees swept the Nats with a win yesterday, their ninth in a row. Ivan Nova gave the Yankees 7.2 innings of 1 run baseball. Granderson and Cano both hit solo homers, making an epic contribution. See what I did there? Homer. Epic. Pretty clever, right?

The Bad

After his team leading 21st home run in the fifth inning, Granderson walked by Cano and said, "Hey Cano, whadaya got? Eleven home runs? I remember when I had eleven home runs . . . in April."

Cano wept.

The Ugly

After he hit his 12th home run of the year in the 7th inning, Cano walked by A-Rod and said, "Hey A-Rod, whadaya got? Ten home runs? I remember when I had 10 home runs . . . in April."

To which A-Rod responded, "Actually, you really struggled in April. You had a very slow start. Very slow."

Cano wept.

The Kids Went Home Happy

With the two solo shots from Granderson and Cano, the Yankees contributed $4 more to the kids today.

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 21hr = $42
Alex Rodriguez 10hr = $20
Robinson Cano 12hr = $24
Mark Teixeira 11hr = $22
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 99hr = $198

A Win on Father's Day Eve

The Good

It felt like 14 hours. Gains were incremental at best, coming slowly and arduously. The sun refused to set, as though mocking those below, making one work harder, breath with greater difficulty. Burning, not enlightenment. There was no strength left. No energy. Only a fighting spirit. A will to go on living. To reunite with loved ones. To get back to simpler, happier times. Then Mark Teixeira finally reached third base on the throw home, and the 14 hour ordeal that is a Mark Teixeira double finally, thankfully, came to an end.

The Bad

The Yankees did not hit a home run in yesterday's win. This unlikely event has prompted Congress to threaten an investigation into the game in order to protect the integrity of our national pastime.

The Ugly

After the game, Curtis Granderson was reflective after his 0-4 performance, even though he drew 3 walks.

"You know how President Obama just said he's going to stop deporting people who were raised here, got educated, and never did anything wrong and then Republicans said that would create unfair competition for jobs? Okay, so like, how come competition is okay for pretty much everything unless it's competition with immigrants? I mean, is that conservatism, because it sounds a lot like white supremacy."

Asked what that had to do with baseball, Granderson answered, "I just want to know whether, if I'm worried that an immigrant is going to take my job if I keep having O-fers, I'm a white supremacist. There's a lot of immigrants in baseball, but I ain't trying to be a white supremacist."

Not So Tough without Your Medicine

That seems to be the message the Yankees sent to the kids when they refused to hit any home runs. For shame.

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 20hr = $40
Alex Rodriguez 10hr = $20
Robinson Cano 11hr = $22
Mark Teixeira 11hr = $22
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 97hr = $194

Yanks Take First Game from First Place Nats

The Good

The Yankees scored seven runs and Hughes took the win with six innings of one-run ball. Curtis Granderson hit his 20th home run, further depleting RJG cash reserves. Most importantly though, the Yankees stayed true to themselves, refusing to hit with the bases loaded, yet scoring two runs on an error by Nationals' shortstop Ian Desmond.

The Bad

Bryce Harper isn't in the Hall of Fame yet, calling the very integrity of the process into question.

The Ugly

After the game, Gio Gonzalez was less than pleased with home plate umpire Marty Foster.

"I kept throwing pitches off the plate and he kept calling them balls, raising my pitch count and forcing me to throw pitches over the plate. It's totally unfair and arbitrary," complained Gonzalez.

Told that Foster was simply enforcing what they call a strike zone, Gonzalez abruptly ended the interview and referred all further inquiries to his spokesperson, Bryce Harper. Harper then released a statement decrying the number of clown questions directed at Gonzalez, and imploring the members of the media to raise the general level of discourse.

Just One for the Daughters and Sons

Curtis Granderson hit a gratuitous home run in the ninth, as if to say, the NL East is not the AL East. $2 more for the kids.

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 20hr = $40
Alex Rodriguez 10hr = $20
Robinson Cano 11hr = $22
Mark Teixeira 11hr = $22
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 97hr = $194

Rain and Racism Can't Stop the Yankees in Atlanta

The Good

Despite less than favorable weather conditions, and regular racially-offensive chants and pantomimes from the crowd, the Yankees managed to complete their three-game sweep of the Atlanta Braves, who wear a racially-offensive uniform. Kuroda gave the Yankees six strong innings and Curtis Granderson hit his 19th home run of the season.

The Bad

While the Braves' team logo, name, and uniform may be racist, at least those most likely to take direct offense were forcibly removed from the area ages ago. Thanks President Andrew Jackson!

The Ugly

Forcible transfer of a civilian population is designated a 'crime against humanity' under international law (see Article 7). I guess it's different if you name the trail they used? Damn.

It's Not All Depressing

Curtis Granderson hit a home run, the kids get $2 more, and we don't have to think about the implications of our sporting rituals. A win all around.

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 19hr = $38
Alex Rodriguez 10hr = $20
Robinson Cano 11hr = $22
Mark Teixeira 11hr = $22
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 96hr = $192

Yankees Live and Die By the Long Ball

The Good

Yankees came back from a 4-0 deficit in the 8th inning to win the game 6-4.  A-Rod came through in the clutch with a game-tieing grandslam, and was followed by a two-run shot by Swisher.  Soriano got the save after Clay Rapada locked down the 8th, pitching the 4th day in a row after Girardi was momentarily possessed by the spirit of Joe Torre. 

The Bad

Although he ended up with the win, Sabathia gave up 4 runs in 7 innings, including a 3-run 1st inning.  Not what we expect from the ace.

The Ugly

A-Rod's grandslam tied Lou Gehrig's all-time record of 23.  That was supposed to be a momentous occasion until he credited his Michellorific arms for the feat. 

Live by the Long Ball

A-Rod and Swisher's homeruns make them the heroes of the Children's Health Fund yesterday.  $4 more for the kids!

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 18hr = $36
Alex Rodriguez 10hr = $20
Robinson Cano 11hr = $22
Mark Teixeira 11hr = $22
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4
 
Total 95hr = $190

Let's Keep It Rolling

The Good

Ivan Nova didn't have his best command and yet managed to finish with 7 innings of shutout ball with 6 strikeouts.  I think it really says something about a pitcher when they can be off and still shutout a team.  It helped that his defense was crashing into walls, and punching fans in the stands all to defend his honor on the mound.  Ibanez hit his 10th homerun of the year proving that he's been the biggest offensive steal of the off-season.

As a result of all these heroics, the Yankees are back in first place in the division, albeit in June.

The Bad

Soriano's blister didn't allow him to pitch, which I suppose should be in the good, but it reminded me of the $11 million he makes this season which I can't seem to let go of, and that puts this in the bad.

The Ugly

The Yankees went 1-8 with runners in scoring position continuing a disturbing trend.  The question is, if we're winning games without hitting with RISP, if we start hitting with RISP will we start losing games?  The world may never know.

$2 More Than Before!

Ibanez's homerun adds $2 to the Children's Health Fund, which according to the info on those little Unicef boxes, should cure dysentery in the third world.

Raul Ibanez 10hr = $20
Nick Swisher 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 6hr = $12
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 18hr = $36
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Robinson Cano 11hr = $22
Mark Teixeira 11hr = $22
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4
 
Total 93hr = $186