It is being reported that Bud Selig is now to decide the compensation to the Red Sox for Theo Epstein's departure to the Cubs. First of all, I don't see how Bud Selig is qualified to make this determination, but I am, because, one time, I fought a monkey. Bud Selig is a well-known monkey-dodger, so I should make the final decision about the Red Sox's compensation.
Admittedly, it's complicated. The Sox lost their beloved GM, a man who brought two World Series to the franchise (even if neither of them counted since Big Papi and Manny were roid raging the whole time). How do you make up for the crushing loss of an executive who no longer wants to work for you? Normally, you hire someone else, preferably at a much lower salary, which the Red Sox did, but still they want more.
What should they get for saving money on executive payroll? Matt Garza? No. But I got the perfect solution: Alfonso Soriano. The Sox have the extra money, especially since they haven't done anything all off-season, so they should get Soriano. The guy can still hit for power, against minor, I mean National League pitching so he still brings something to the table. Plus, he allows the Sox to put their extra money to good use. I think this is the fairest solution possible.