Team USA Loses to DR, Ronnier Mustelier Runs into Wall

In today's spring training game, potential minor league prospect Ronnier Mustelier ran into a wall while playing third, trying to imitate Jeter's dive into the stands no doubt, and was pulled out of the game.  When else do you see players try so hard in a spring training game than when they are trying to get a roster spot?  If nothing else, give this guy a shot!  He clearly wants it, and will fight to stay in the majors.  I think that's the kind of energy you want on a big league club.

Sad news for Team USA last night as they fell to the Dominican Republic in a 3-1 game that was dominated by great pitching and an odd strike zone.  At one point, Team USA pitcher Craig Kimbrel, a star closer for Atlanta, threw a backdoor breaking ball that fooled no one except the umpire who called it a strike despite it being far outside.  It would all be for not as a series of hits and stolen bags would break up the tied game.  Team USA had no answers about their loss last night, but luckily, the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea was kind enough to shed light on why Team USA couldn't compete.  According to the video from North Korea, our society looks a lot like, well, North Korea: run down, and under an oppressive government.  The video also sheds light on why there aren't any birds in America, which was a problem I wasn't even aware of until North Korea brought it to my attention.  Spoiler alert: it's because we eat them all.  So people, if we want to see more birds in this country, we have to stop eating them.  That, and we need to stop waiting around for our heroine handouts.  I'm afraid that if we keep relying on bird meat, and heroine, then this country will never be able to muster a team good enough to compete in national tournaments.