Yankees Sweep Mariners

Normally, a game review follows a game, or—lately anyway—a series. But since we're on our way out, I figure it's okay to do whatever I feel like. What are you going to do? Stop reading? Well, our abrupt retirement from blogging super-stardom has rendered your only protest tool utterly moot, leaving me free to rant maniacally about whatever I want, however I want. So here's my thoughts after three wins against Seattle.

Seattle is the only municipality in the country whose minimum wage actually allows those earning it to live within its city limits in something resembling a home, and not a slightly larger prison cell. So beating up on Seattle for three straight days doesn't feel like a victory, but like something the As will now make us do penance for.

It's still weird seeing Robinson Cano play for someone else, but I must admit that Roberts hasn't been the train wreck I was expecting. But I can't help but feel that it's troubling that I've become untroubled by Roberts. Is this the best we can hope for? Roberts is a fine player, but it's the overwhelming mediocrity that seems to make Roberts a good pickup. If McCann could hit, and Beltran could be 10 years younger, and Ellsbury could stop running into things, Roberts would seem far less impressive than he has (which is slightly impressive).

Speaking of Ellsbury, if he disdains his life and well-being this much, he should just develop a drinking problem like the rest of us. He really needs to stop running into walls at full speed if the Yankees are to have any hope of selling Legends Seat tickets.

Lastly, Tanaka is amazing. I can only imagine he'll win the Cy Young Award, and that next year, he'll win the Tanaka Award, formerly known as Cy Young, but changed for obvious reasons. He's 25, so he's automatically the face of the franchise when Jeter retires. Sorry D-Rob, the torch has been passed, and the instructions are in Japanese. (I'm a metaphor mixologist, in case you were wondering).