Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Classic

Every now and then, when times get slow, we at the RJG like to check in with everyones favorite team owners brother, Hank Steinbrenner. Some may remember Hank as the more outspoken of the two, and we were honored to ask him some questions about the coming season. The following is the transcript for the interview.

RJG: Hank, thanks so much for meeting with us.

HS: The pleasures all mine.

RJG: So right now, you have Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Mariano Rivera and Cliff Lee on your radar. Is there anyone else that the Yankees may be looking at for this upcoming season?

HS: Well since my brother changed the locks to the front office I don't really know what's going on with the Yankees.

RJG: What do you mean? You're no longer allowed into the Yankees front office?

HS: No, Hal's really gone mad with power.

RJG: Hal? He seems so even keeled.

HS: That's how he tricks you. The truth is, I'm only a shell of my former self.

RJG: I'm sorry to hear that Hank, that must be diffi...

HS: Why? This shell is far stronger and more impenetrable than my former self. My former self was hollow. My new shell is adamantium mixed with unobtainium. Its a scientific fact, I'm invincible!

RJG: Pardon?

HS: You live in this world and follow this worlds rules. I live in Pandora's box! Do you know what happens when you open Pandora's box? Open it and see what happens! (Hands RJG a shoe box) Open it!

RJG: I don't think I want to open...

HS: Open it!

(RJG opens box to find it empty)

RJG: There's nothing here.

HS: It reflects your mind.

RJG: Clever.

HS: I'll make it up to you. I managed to obtain one of the rarest forms of Johnny Walker. Its called Johnny Walker Platinum. (Hank pulls out flask with JWP initialed into it).

RJG: Scotch? Wait, is there even a Johnny Walker Platinum...

HS: Its very rare. You can only find it in thermometers.

RJG: What?

(Hank pours a glass of JWP)

RJG: That looks like mercury.

HS: Its Johnny Walker Platinum.

RJG: Okay I think that ends the interview.

HS: We're signing Cliff Lee!

-End Transcript-

So it looks like the Yankees will make a strong effort to sign Cliff Lee. That is welcome news for Yankee fans.


Rich Mahogany said...

Hank needs to lay off the JWP, as difficult as that may be.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Its so good though.