Monday, May 21, 2012

Yankees Lose to the Reds, Change Their Names to the New York Comrades

The Good

We hit three home runs in the last two games, and our pitching wasn't completely awful. No one was placed on the DL, not even a reliever. That has to count for something.

The Bad

The almost come back on Saturday was tough to watch, as was CC's 7th inning on Sunday. The Yankees, at this point, are a team that can make it interesting, but that doesn't quite have enough to win on anything resembling a consistent basis.

The Ugly

CC was clearly frustrated. Only a short while earlier, he had blown his team's chance to win. Three batters walked. In a row. A pitcher that had given his team six scoreless frames suddenly couldn't find the strike zone.

"I was distracted," explained a solemn Sabathia. "When I got to the dugout after the sixth inning, I went into the clubhouse. Episode III was on, so I started watching it for a bit. Anakin kills a bunch of babies in one scene, and I can only imagine what sorts of other atrocities he was responsible for in the intervening years between Episodes III and IV. He clearly doesn't care about killing women and children, and he's probably killing rebels left and right for 17 years, right? He even blew up a planet at one point! So I gets to thinking, how come in Jedi, or any of the originals, there's never any talk of trying Darth Vader for war crimes? I mean, he dies in Luke's arms, and we're supposed to be like, 'Oh yay, he's good now!' That doesn't make any sense! What about the families of all the victims?! Is that all the justice they get?! Oh, sorry Darth Vader killed your babies and an entire planet, but he's good now so it's cool. That's #$&@%*$@ bull$#!%."

The Donations

There were three home runs hit over the past two games, one each from Martin, Nix, and Ibanez. That's $6 more for the babies.

Raul Ibanez 9hr = $18
Nick Swisher 7hr = $14
Andruw Jones 4hr = $8
Derek Jeter 5hr = $10
Curtis Granderson 13hr = $26
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Robinson Cano 4hr = $8
Mark Teixeira 5hr = $10
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 4hr = $8
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 61hr = $122


Rich Mahogany said...

Destroying planets and killing babies? The Yankees are 5 for 55 with RISP. Now that's an atrocity.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

They have been investigated by the Hague, but no charges have been forthcoming, much to the chagrin of the victims: YES Network subscribers.

Anonymous said...

Right now, the Yankees are testing my patience. What's wrong with this bunch of overpaid players who can't play? Enough already! I'm a Yankees fan because I like winning. Otherwise, I would root for the Mets.

Rich Mahogany said...

Teixeira might have the ebola virus. That's one diagnosis down.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Yeah, this team is embarrasing right now. I drink out of my Yankees coffee cup every morning and it just tastes bitter.