Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Yankees Take First of Two from Baltimore

The Good

Texeira hit a home run last night, and he didn't need a drug addled past to do it (that's right, I'm turning Josh Hamilton's heart warming redemption story into an ad hominem argument. It's election season β!#©Σ$). The Yankees scored 7 runs to Baltimore's measly 5, and the Yankees are the first team to make Jason Hammel give up more than two runs in a game.

The Bad

Every pitcher that entered the game left with an injury. Nova? Twisted his ankle. Rapada? Viral infection. Phelps? Dysentery. Logan? Also Dysentery. Wade? Emotional scarring. Soriano? Dysentery. That's a lot of Dysentery.

The Ugly

"The scene was horrifying It seemed like everyone on the 25-man was in that room. The worst part? The screams. I still hear the screams. . . every time I close my eyes."

The shaken member of the Yankees medical staff fumbled with his lighter as he nervously tried to light a cigarette. He'd never seen so many injured players at one time. No one had. It was hard not to feel sorry for him. Would he be able to piece his life back together? Only time would tell, but behind those eyes, once filled with the brimming light of useless massage-based medical knowledge, something had disappeared. A spark. A soul? Only time would tell.

At Least the Children Didn't Suffer

Curtis Granderson and Mark Teixeira both went deep, which sounds really dirty out of context, but I'm talking about home runs, so we can dig it.

Raul Ibanez 7hr = $14
Nick Swisher 7hr = $14
Andruw Jones 4hr = $8
Derek Jeter 5hr = $10
Curtis Granderson 12hr = $24
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Robinson Cano 3hr = $6
Mark Teixeira 5hr = $10
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 3hr = $6
Jayson Nix 1hr = $2

Total 55hr = $110


Rich Mahogany said...

Such pathos. And they say sportswriting is dead.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

Sportswriting may be, but not fake sportswriting.

Rich Mahogany said...

At least no players are dead.

Steve said...

does a dead player stay on the DL as long as Pavano?