Here's what did happen. It was Friday the thirteenth. The Yanks had just defeated the Angels and we were feeling good. Too good to update the blog right away. We had to go out.
Now, when I go out I like to have a plan, and, this time, I had a doozy. So we walk up in the spot, I went right up to the first girl I saw, and I said, "Your hair has amazing volume, it's loud as $#!%."
This did not go over well. This woman smacked the $#!% out of me. I mean, she was clearly in no mood to hear some quip about her hair. I just got out of the hospital having suffered serious smacking-related complications. The left side of my face was completely numb. I still have a lazy eye on that side and can't quite chew. Don't talk $#!% about a woman's hair. It's not worth it.
The worst part? No, not the inability to update the blog in the meantime. I had to hear the most inane conversations between the person sharing my hospital room and his obnoxious significant other. Here's a taste:
Moron 1: I lived abroad for a year, and you know what I missed most about America?
Moron 2: The freedom?
M1: You know, I thought it would be the freedom, but it wasn't. What I missed most was corn muffins. You can't find good corn muffins abroad.
RJG: Shut the #@$& up!!!!
M2: Nurse! The misogynist is awake again!
I hated that hospital room, but that line about the hair volume was epic. I regret it, but I don't regret it. Word. Yanks are kicking arse right now, so at least that should've kept you in a good mood while we disappeared again. We should be back now. For reals this time.