Thursday, July 19, 2012

Sorry, But There's a Good Excuse

Okay, so we said we were going to update more regularly. We promised to stop using the trademarked Joel Sherman method now that he was threatening to sue. We wrote a few timely updates, then disappeared again. Why? Are we that boyfriend who keeps breaking your heart, lying to you, until you finally realize that while you still love him, you need to let him go and move on because he's just not ready to commit? Probably. But that's not what happened here. Seriously.

Here's what did happen. It was Friday the thirteenth. The Yanks had just defeated the Angels and we were feeling good. Too good to update the blog right away. We had to go out.

Now, when I go out I like to have a plan, and, this time, I had a doozy. So we walk up in the spot, I went right up to the first girl I saw, and I said, "Your hair has amazing volume, it's loud as $#!%."

This did not go over well. This woman smacked the $#!% out of me. I mean, she was clearly in no mood to hear some quip about her hair. I just got out of the hospital having suffered serious smacking-related complications. The left side of my face was completely numb. I still have a lazy eye on that side and can't quite chew. Don't talk $#!% about a woman's hair. It's not worth it.

The worst part? No, not the inability to update the blog in the meantime. I had to hear the most inane conversations between the person sharing my hospital room and his obnoxious significant other. Here's a taste:

Moron 1: I lived abroad for a year, and you know what I missed most about America?

Moron 2: The freedom?

M1: You know, I thought it would be the freedom, but it wasn't. What I missed most was corn muffins. You can't find good corn muffins abroad.

RJG: Shut the #@$& up!!!!

M2: Nurse! The misogynist is awake again!

I hated that hospital room, but that line about the hair volume was epic. I regret it, but I don't regret it. Word. Yanks are kicking arse right now, so at least that should've kept you in a good mood while we disappeared again. We should be back now. For reals this time.


Rich Mahogany said...

I'm just glad you guys are alive and not subject to an injunction.

Steve said...

You were gone?

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

we've been gone for too long now.