Bronny Discusses the Granderson Trade

With a busy Winter Meetings having just wrapped up, we decided we would touch base again with our old pal Brian Cashman via satellite video phone. As usual, he was gracious with his time and insight into the inner machinations of the Yankees organization. The transcript follows:

BC: Hello?

RJG: Hello? Bronny? This isn't Hank again is it?

BC: Yeah, sorry about that, sometimes Hank answers my phone and pretends to be me. I really have to stop leaving it in rooms he has access to.

RJG: No problem. So, busy few days for you. You traded Bruney, resigned Pettitte, and in the biggest move of the Winter so far, you traded for Curtis Granderson.

BC: Well, we had a plan after our organizational meetings and we are now in the process of implementing that plan. It's important to our club that we are competitive not only now, but well into the future.

RJG: And Granderson furthers that goal because he's young and should be playing for a while at a high level, right?

BC: No, that's not it at all.

RJG: What do you mean?

BC: We don't care about that. We're a multi-media empire, you're talking about defensive range.

RJG: So why did you . . .

BC: Isnt' it obvious?! We traded for Granderson so he could play center field in the short-term, but be one of our announcers on the YES Network in the long-term.

RJG: Why would you make baseball decisions based on the YES Network?

BC: We're a multi-media empire. Have you ever heard this guy talk? He doesn't talk like a baseball player, he talks like a broadcaster. Ask him what he's wearing, it sounds like in-game analysis. Most players are all like, "duhhhhhhhh, I hit ball go boom boom. Yay!" But Granderson knows how to break it down. He can speak a sentence without going, "ahhhhhh, ahhhhh" the whole time. We're happy with Michael Kay and Kenny Singleton up there, but eventually we need to get younger and more athletic in the broadcast division.

RJG: What the hell does younger and more athletic have to do with broadcasting?!

BC: What happens if Michael Kay hurts his back and can no longer sit in a broadcast booth for nine innings. What if Ken's knees give and he doesn't have AFLAC, and he's all like, "what insurance is that, Yogi?" We need younger, more athletic guys.

RJG: Bronny. What. Are. You. Talking about!

BC: The Yankees aren't like some small market club, all "duhhhhhhhh, we need money for ball to go bye bye." We're a multi-media empire. We have TV, internet, radio, mail order catalogs. You can't just make plans for what happens on the field, you have to look at the big picture.

RJG: No! You're the GM. Your job is specifically to worry about the team. Let Lonn Trost and those jackasses worry about the YES Network.

BC: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I blogger. I type baseball. Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

RJG: WTF?

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There you have it folks. Curtis Granderson makes the Yankees younger, more athletic, and is slotted for a future role on the YES Network broadcast team.