Monday, May 3, 2010

A Word from Our GM

With the first month of the season already behind us, we thought it was time to once again place a call to our favorite GM, Brian Cashman. The following is a transcript of our conversation:

BC: Hello?

RJG: Well, if it isn't Bronn Bronn the Cash Machine. How's it hangin'?

BC: Please stop asking me that.

RJG: It's not anymore, is it? Oh well, it happens with age. So, the Yanks have played well, but two of your biggest moves, Javy and Nick Johnson, have not. Also, Granderson is now out for at least a month. How do you plan to address these flaws?

BC: Well, it's a little early to give up on Johnson. I fully expect Johnson to turn it around. The Granderson situation is unfortunate, but better to get the injuries out of the way early. We have the weapons to keep us going until they get back.

RJG: Hmm. Vazquez was conspicuously absent from your answer. What will you do about him?

BC: Well, we plan to . . .

RJG: Because he's been awful.

BC: Yes, well we are try . . .

RJG: Really awful.

BC: Can I fini. . .

RJG: Your face awful.

BC: That's not necessary.

RJG: Isn't it?

BC: Look, we're currently considering all options, but mostly we need to get Javy back on track. He has a track record. A record. In track. That has to count for something.

RJG: No, it literally counts for nothing. Javy is a classic case of what have you done for me lately . . . or since the 2004 ALCS.

BC: Yeah, we can't get rid of the guy because fans are still bitter about 2004.

RJG: Uh-huh. Why don't you just trade him?

BC: His value is not exactly at peak right now.

RJG: I don't give a $#!%. Just trade him far far away. Isn't Rasner pitching in Japan right now? Trade him to Japan for Rasner.

BC: We're not trading Javy for Rasner. Why would you even want Rasner back?

RJG: What the hell does Rasner have to do with anything?

BC: You brought him up.

RJG: I most certainly did not! I will not stand for such accusations and demand you apologize.

BC: I'm not apologizing.

RJG: It's not all about you, Bronny.


There you have it folks. The Yanks expect Johnson to turn it around, Granderson to come back healthy, and will continue to try to work with Javy for the time being.


cheshirecat9 said...

You guys crack me up. Does your satellite video phone have a breathalyzer attached to it so you can't make any calls until you are at least 5 beers deep?

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

We'd attach a breathalyzer, but the regular drinking makes that harder to do.