Friday, May 28, 2010

Yankees Lose, but Not Surprised

The Good

Don't look now, but Teixeira has two multi-hit games under his belt. Could he, maybe, possibly, be breaking out of his early season slump? Not so fast says Yankees hitting coach Kevin Long: "Teixeira suffers from a rare memory disorder. He loses all memory of hitting in the off season, and takes a couple months to relearn it. Could you imagine how difficult it is to learn how to hit at the major league level every season?"

The Bad

After a couple of good starts Javy has digressed. He gave up 5 runs in 5.2 innings, and more concerning is that he could hit his spots to save his life. I constantly saw Cervelli set up inside against lefties, and then watched as Javy's pitch sailed right over the center of the plate. Even a lot of the outs were hard hit.

The Ugly

Brandon Harris did not play in yesterdays game due to an incident that happened late Wednesday night. "I was sleeping last night when I felt a presence in my room. I opened my eyes just in time to see a knife flying towards my face! I rolled out of the way and saw a squirrel scurry towards the window. I reached for the gun I keep loaded under my pillow and let off a few rounds, but I don't think I hit him. But then the cops came, and there I had a gun, a knife in my pillow and a couple empty bottles, and now I have to go to court, all the while this lunatic squirrel is out on the loose."

RJG Raffles for the Babies

The RJG and CHF are raffling off tickets to the August 7th game between the Red Sox and Yankees. To enter the raffle, make a donation to the Children's Health Fund in any amount, and under the section that asks for who you were referred by, write the RJG Blog. See this post for more details!

This year we are committed to donating $2 for every homerun hit to the Children's Health Funds through the Yankees Homerun Club. Yesterday, the Yankees were more interested in losing than hitting homeruns. "I'm still trying to learn how to hit." Explained Teixeira.

Posada 6hr = $12
Granderson 2hr = $4
Cano 9hr = $18
Swisher 8hr = $16
Jeter 5hr = $10
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 6hr = $12
Teixeira 7hr = $14
Thames 2hr = $4
Gardner 2hr = $4
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 2hr = $4
Total = $104


Rich Mahogany said...

If Ted Williams's frozen head is still around, maybe we could transplant Ted's brain into Teixeira's head. That should solve Teixeira's memory problems and greatly improve his hitting, if he survives.

Fernando Alejandro said...

That's a big if. And if he doesn't survive then we're back to looking for a starting first baseman, and those are impossible to find!

Rich Mahogany said...

Don't back out now, I already hired a hand-picked team to break into the cryogenics lab. The group would be John Rocker, Jason Grimsley, Doc Gooden, Darryl Strawberry, and ARod's Cousin Yuri. I think these guys can pull it (Ted Williams's head) off. Teixeira is playing like a lobotomized person anyway, what do we have to lose?

Anonymous said...

No. It's the hitting part of Ted's brain that would turn out to be the part that rotted and fell off.
We'd be stuck with a 2 hour Saturday morning fishing show every saturday morning on YES, and still no production from the 3 hole.