Yanks Beat Jays

The Good

Pettitte turned in a quality start, laboring a bit, but getting the job done. The Yanks now have three starters with 10 wins, the first team to do that since 1933. Dustin Moseley came in like a young Mo Rivera; breaking bats, inducing weak ground balls, and striking batters out with a devastating cutter. Okay, I don't know what pitches he throws, but he was impressive. Even Park managed a scoreless inning.

The Bad

That play in the third by the Toronto left fielder, the one where he had an acute onset of pop-flyaphobia, and then let the ball drop was bad. Then the official scorer ruled it a double, presumably because he hates the Jays' pitching staff so much he just couldn't wait to artificially inflate their ERAs.

The Ugly

As we mentioned in the title, the Yanks beat the Jays. But I wasn't referring to the nine innings of baseball played at Yankee Stadium. No. I was referring to what happened in the Yankees clubhouse after the game, when legendary R&B group the O'Jays stopped by to visit with the team.

"I'm so sick of celebrities visiting us in the clubhouse after games!" screamed Mark Teixeira.

"Bronny's gonna yell at us again because of you! For the love of money, get the hell out of here!" raged Andy Pettitte.

"There's no love train here, O'Jays, just Pain!" screached Yankees first base coach, Mick Kelleher.

The Yankees then went on to beat the bejeebus out of the O'Jays. It was pretty ugly.

Soak It In Peoples, This May Never Happen Again

With the game on the line, Gardner crushed a 1-1 hanging knuckle slider spit-curve out of the park for his first career grand slam. Everyone was elated at the rarity, except Mad With Power Cano. Gardner may be playing in Seattle and the Yankees stuck trying to figure out what to do with six serviceable starting pitchers before long.

And remember, if you like children, or perhaps were one yourself once, and if you prefer that they stay healthy, then consider making a donation to the CHF (either a pledge or a single amount) and signing up for our raffle. We don't want to say it will make you more attractive to potential partners, but it will. Much more attractive. Prepare to upgrade to significant others that aren't inflatable, loyal readers. It's that good!

Posada 9hr = $18
Granderson 7hr = $14
Cano 16hr = $32
Swisher 13hr = $26
Jeter 8hr = $16
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 12hr = $24
Teixeira 13hr = $26
Thames 2hr = $4
Gardner 4hr = $8
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 2hr = $4
Total = $178