Yankees Have No Choice but to Continue to Operate at Sequester Levels

While the recently revealed budget deal struck between Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis) and Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA) lifts sequester level spending caps from many federal agencies, the New York Yankees received no such reprieve and will have no choice but to continue to operate at sequester levels.

"Obviously, we're less than pleased," explained team president Randy Levine. "But this is a bipartisan deal and is likely to pass. We're simply going to have to find a way forward even though we believe these across the board cuts could have been lifted by finding savings elsewhere."

The Yankees have been hamstrung in recent months by an operating budget below $200 million, the lowest for the agency since the Clinton era.

"These aren't the gold old, dot-com days anymore," lamented Yankees GM Brian Cashman. "With current tax rates, they're stifling innovation and creativity, and it's hurting the job creators. We used to go up to a free agent—any free agent—and just be like, 'Want a job? Here's a blank check, write whatever you want on it.' We used to get some real creative numbers, innovative unfathomable numbers, but now we just can't create jobs like we used to."

Some experts have pointed out that the New York Yankees are not a federal agency, and that their current budget cap is self-imposed rather than a function of the sequester.

"People will believe whatever they want," explained acting head Secretary Hal Steinbrenner. "This is America's team, and it's being limited by a congress who seems to have prioritized scoring cheap political points over job creation, tax relief, and general preparedness. At day's end, we're all losers."