Mark Teixeira vs. Adrian Gonzalez
In the battle of first basemen, stats rule. In 2011, Mark Teixeira hit a blazing .248, while Gonzalez only mustered a paltry .338. Teixeira's gargantuan efforts led to 39 home runs. How many did Gonzalez have? 27, a number most back-up infielders would be ashamed of. Both had identical .997 fielding percentages, but Gonzalez did it mostly by cheating and through avid use of stunt doubles.
Teixeira is a great teammate, often helping his colleagues with mundane as well as extraordinary problems. Gonzalez, on the other hand, routinely steals things from other lockers in the Fenway home clubhouse. When confronted, he generally blames whatever Make A Wish participant happens to be standing nearby.
Where does that leave us in our analysis? Teixeira wins, but only by a hair. He would have won more handily, but, and in the interest of full disclosure, Gonzalez bribed us.