Where Was A-Rod?

After a subpar performance in Thursday night's game against the Rays, a game which the Yankees lost 7-3, A-Rod did not make himself available to the media to answer questions about his errant throw to first or his failure to come through with the bases loaded. As a result, his teammates were left to answer any and all questions about the game, as well as to explain A-Rod's absence.

"He's been acting weird," explained one concerned teammate. "I mean, Al's always been weird. But lately, he keeps coming into the trainer's room and explaining that he wants Michelle Obama arms, and that he needs to work on getting Michelle Obama arms. It really weirds everybody out."

"I liked it better when he was obsessed with Jete," claimed another frustrated teammate. "I mean, Michelle Obama has nice arms and all, but really? Michelle Obama arms? That's your new goal? What the #%&@ is wrong with you?"

For weeks now, every time Rodriguez has arrived at the stadium, he has gone straight to the team's private work-out facility to work on his new goal. Some are concerned that the constant attention to his triceps has caused fatigue, slowing down his bat and sapping A-Rod of his power.

"Look, I can deal with the lack of power," said another teammate. "I just can't deal with having to explain to the media that A-Rod's not available to answer questions because he doesn't want to appear on television clips with arms that aren't 'Michellorific'. He keeps saying that. 'Are my arms Michellorific?' 'Don't you think my arms look Michellorific?' 'I've got to keep working on my arms, they're not Michellorific yet.' I can't #%$&@#$ hear that $#!% anymore. Every. Day. Michellorific. Somebody needs to talk to that boy."