Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Yanks Take First of Three Against Rays

The Good

The Yankees scored seven runs against James Shields. Angela Merkel insisted that those profligate runs be accompanied by corresponding austerity measures and Andy Pettitte responded by refusing the Rays any runs. This may not save the Eurozone, but it's good for a win.

The Bad

Is there no better use for Freddy Garcia than as a biweekly reliever? He's gotta have some trade value or something.

The Ugly

Shields was understandably upset about his performance, but he didn't exactly take responsibility. Instead, he passed the buck to an unlikely causal agent.

"Venus was passing in front of the sun today," explained Shields. "Everyone's like, 'you gotta see Venus pass in front of the sun!' I get caught up in the excitement, and I'm all, 'Venus? The sun? I'm there!' I've been staring at the sun all day, I didn't see a damn thing. Molina's calling signs, and I'm looking up at the sun. Looking. Watching. Waiting. Nothing. Did he call a good game? I don't know. Where was Venus?!"

No Bunts

The Yankees scored seven runs today, six of them in the exact way they've been performing offensively all season. They scored two runs when they failed to hit with runners in scoring position (thank you Rays' defense!), and four on a grand-slam by Martin. That does not erase any concerns about the offense, but it does yield $2 more for the kids. That's something, right?

Raul Ibanez 9hr = $18
Nick Swisher 8hr = $64
Andruw Jones 5hr = $10
Derek Jeter 6hr = $12
Curtis Granderson 17hr = $34
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 5hr = $10
Jayson Nix 2hr = $4

Total 80hr = $162


Rich Mahogany said...

RJG remains America's favorite source for geopolitics and astrology! Also Yankees baseball.

Uncle Mike said...

Shields blamed the transit of Venus? You're making that up, right? He'd have been better off blaming the 4 train, or some other transit!

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

The 4 train can be distracting as it passes by the stadium, but Shields was too lost in the anticipation of the convergence of the goddess of love with Phoebus Apollo. It was not to be. It's sad, really. So sad.