Thursday, August 23, 2012

Yankees Swept, But We Don't Feel Any Cleaner

The Good

Earth narrowly averted catastrophe when I flew into space and redirected an asteroid that was on a collision course with our planet. You're welcome.

The Bad

The Yankees dropped another game in which Phil Hughes pitched, only this time Phil Hughes pitched well. This guy can't catch a break! Could the conservative political views which we've reported (made up) be rubbing his teammates the wrong way, yielding a refusal to play behind the pitcher who now sports eleven losses? Yes.

The Ugly

After the game, Hughes was pleased with his performance, but not with the media's coverage of his favorite Senate candidate.

"It's unfair," explained Hughes. "Akin misspoke. He didn't mean 'legitimate rape' and this isn't a war on women the way it's being reported by the liberal media. What he meant to say is that all women are whores who just love to have abortions and any violence against them, whether sexual or otherwise, is a result of them having asked for it and that he hates them all. How is that a war on women?"

Not sure that Hughes understood the meaning of either the term 'war' or 'women', we just let it go. Because that's what we do in this country, dismiss noxious, hateful, and violent sentiments as mere politics and let it go.

The Captain Is on Fire

Even when angry at his far more conservative teammate, Jeter still couldn't help being the greatest player of all time, way better than Mike Trout. Another home run, another $2 for the kids.

Raul Ibanez 15hr = $30
Nick Swisher 18hr = $36
Andruw Jones 13hr = $26
Derek Jeter 13hr = $26
Curtis Granderson 32hr = $64
Alex Rodriguez 15hr = $30
Robinson Cano 25hr = $50
Mark Teixeira 23hr = $46
Eric Chavez 13hr = $26
Russell Martin 14hr = $28
Jayson Nix 4hr = $8
Dewayne Wise 3hr = $6
Chris Stewart 1hr = $2
Ichiro Suzuki 3hr = $6
Casey McGehee 1hr = $2

Total 193 hr = $386


Rich Mahogany said...

In related news, the New York Post has given Phil Hughes a permanent guest column and named him Sportsman of the Century. Congratulations Phil!

"Because that's what we do in this country, dismiss noxious, hateful, and violent sentiments as mere politics and let it go."

I respect your gangster.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know Hughes was so eloquent about politics.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

Thank you, Rich. I do appreciate it.

Rich Mahogany said...

Yes, by today's standards, Hughes is extremely eloquent about politics.