Friday, August 24, 2012

Yanks Win, Upstaged By Petty Rival

The Good

CC Sabathia's return from the DL unfolded like a soaring Biblical epic, the sort DeMille used to film on a back lot in Hollywood. Returning mere days after Tommy John Surgery, limited to a measly 100 pitches (about an inning's worth), and fueled only by his burning desire for victory, CC pitched 7.1 scoreless innings, marred only by a single run that scored, while Nick Swisher accounted for all three of the winning RBI. Oh what a story! Those who were present would tell their children, their children's children, and haunt the dreams of their children's children's children just so that the memory of this game would endure.

The Bad

All was not well, however, in Whoville. A division rival, still bitter that their 2007 World Championship had been upstaged by a Yankees third baseman, had been biding their time, waiting with bated breath for the right time to strike.

They didn't understand, you see. The third baseman didn't know. How could he? The Yankees win the World Series all the time, how big a deal could it be? But it was to these rivals. So they brewed. Plotted. Waited.

The Ugly

The rival leaked to the media rumblings of a trade. A mega trade. The biggest, most greatest, most excellent trade of all time. The Dodgers would become the Yankees of the West. The rival would have payroll flexibility and continued irrelevance for the foreseeable future. The baseball universe would focus its attention on Boston, not the Yankees and the greatest game ever played. Indeed, there were now two Yankees. Which one to watch? How will one tell the difference? The rival had played their hand well. Fiendishly well. It wasn't expected. It should have been expected.

We Have to Pay for This?

Yes, we do. That's what 'pledge' means. Nick Swisher hit another home run, garnering $2 more for the kids.

Raul Ibanez 15hr = $30
Nick Swisher 19hr = $38
Andruw Jones 13hr = $26
Derek Jeter 13hr = $26
Curtis Granderson 32hr = $64
Alex Rodriguez 15hr = $30
Robinson Cano 25hr = $50
Mark Teixeira 23hr = $46
Eric Chavez 13hr = $26
Russell Martin 14hr = $28
Jayson Nix 4hr = $8
Dewayne Wise 3hr = $6
Chris Stewart 1hr = $2
Ichiro Suzuki 3hr = $6
Casey McGehee 1hr = $2

Total 194 hr = $388


cs said...

Great post, but you forgot to mention the rival's not-so-subtle failed assassination attempt on Derek Jeter. Who exactly is this "Kluber"?

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

Kluber is a Boston sleeper agent. After the game, he wasn't even really sure where he was or what had happened. Were it not for the Captain's Neoesque reflexes, who knows what might have happened. Kluber is presently being interrogated by Federal agents.

Anonymous said...

There is only one sacred rule in MLB: Don't mess with Derek Jeter.