Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Real Reason the Cameron Trade Fell Apart

A while back, it was rumored that the Yankees were prepared to trade Melky Cabrera for Mike Cameron. Included in the deal was Kei Igawa, over whom the Brewers were salivating, as they finally saw their chance to strike back at the Yankees for taking CC from them. But then the deal fell apart. The Yankees blamed the Brewers. The Brewers blamed the Yankees. My wife blamed me, but I was like, "I didn't know she was your sister."

But recently, the real reason the Brewers passed up on Scranton ace Kei Igawa was that he was being investigated by the Justice Dept. for horse punching. Horse punching is a sport as old as time, but is illegal under the Federal Horse Protection Act, or FHPA. According to the rules, you go up to a horse and punch it, getting one point for a body shot, and ten points if you punch it . . . in the face!

According to one federal investigator, who agreed to be interviewed on condition of anonymity since he has gone undercover as a horse, Kei Igawa has been funding an illegal horse punching ring in one of his VA mansions. Horses that underperformed are punched and then slaughtered.

Kei Igawa, who will likely be brought up on charges in the near future, declined to be interviewed for this story. Once it became clear to Brewers officials that the Justice Dept was close to filing charges against Mr. Igawa in federal court, backed off from the deal. Brewers GM had this to say, "I really don't care about horse punching. I drive a car, so as far as I'm concerned, punch away. But I can't have my ace facing federal charges that carry a maximum penalty of a $5000 fine. Inevitably he'll ask us to front the money, and we can't afford it. The Yankees ruined baseball."

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Will that get him deported?
Void the contract?
Huh?
Huh?
Please?!?

Joe

RSiciliano said...

This is kind of coincidental, as Kei Igawa himself has a horse face. He looks like an Asian Napoleon Dynamite.

Anonymous said...

Even more coincidentally, a recent SI survey showed that Napolean Dynamite is the only guy AL hitters would rather see on the mound.
Joe

Fernando Alejandro said...

Kei Igawa is here to stay. And if the Yankees don't sign Pettitte, trust that you'll see Igawa at least once next season.

Roberto Alejandro said...

that was classic Joe.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Roberto

Joe