Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Trophy Comes to Local School

The LoHud Blog is reporting that Yankees director of scoreboard and broadcasting Michael Bonner is bringing the World Series trophy to Queens on Wednesday, bringing it with him for career day at P.S. 166.

Clearly, the Yankees bringing a World Series trophy to Queens is the only way that would ever happen. The following is a predicted transcript of what will transpire that day:

Mrs Turner: Okay class, now Billy's dad, Mr. Bonner is going to speak. And he's brought us a special treat today!

Kids: Yay!

[Mr. Bonner stands up and walks to the front of the class, proudly clutching the 2009 World Series trophy.]

Bonner: Hey kids!

Kids: Hi, Mr. Bonner!

Bonner: I'm the scoreboard and broadcasting director for the New York Yankees, and this is the 2009 World Series Championship trophy for Champions. Any Questions? Yes, you.

Timmy: My dad says the Yankees suck and that they bought that championship trophy!

Bonner: Well, some people spend their money on championships and some people, like your father, I imagine, spend money on alcohol to make coming home to you more bearable.

[Timmy starts crying. Mrs. Turner stands to the side, completely stunned by what just transpired.]

Bonner: Anyone else? You.

Jimmy: So what do you do?

Bonner: Well, I manage the scoreboard and all the information that goes on it.

Jimmy: So you write the player's names and stats?

Bonner: No, a computer does that.

Jimmy: Do you put the pictures up?

Bonner: Noooo, a computer does that too.

Jimmy: Do you make the trains race? I like the D train, it's all like, choo-choo!

Bonner: That one's the computer as well. And it's a subway train, it doesn't go choo-choo.

Jimmy: So, do you fix the computers if they break?

Bonner: No, we have IT people for that.

Jimmy: Do you do anything at all? Why do you even have a job?!

Bonner: Well, I have a job so that I can pay taxes and subsidize your free lunch, Jimmy. So why don't you shut up now?

[Jimmy starts crying. Mrs. Turner is still stunned.]

Bonner: Anyone else? No.

Random kid in the back: I'm blinded by its awesomeness!

[The End.]


Rich Mahogany said...

I weep for these children.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

so will they and poor Mrs. Turner.

hunter said...

you are awesome!
thank you so much!

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

You're welcome, Hunter!