Okay, that's not true. But with very little to report, I figured I should give you some very exciting, albeit fake, news and then completely destroy your hopes by telling you it's not true. It hurts now, but it was exciting for a moment, and you'll appreciate that later when we sign some guy you never heard of to play left field every third Thursday.
Obviously, there's not much going on in baseball right now. The Yankees have been silent for weeks. Brian Cashman has been checking into work, playing solitaire for a solid 8-9 hours, then going home.
Meanwhile, Scott Boras is busily decoding Johnny Damon's DNA in order to show just how genetically durable his client is. That is the principle reason Damon hasn't signed yet. When teams call with offers, Boras say, "Wait! Not yet. Make me offers after I decode his genome." The effort is expected to take two years.
In other news, NBC has had an ugly late night fight on its hands that now threatens to cost them one of their biggest stars, Conan O'Brien. Rumors are that the YES Network is waiting in the wings, hoping to snatch up the late night host in order to replace color commentator David Cone. While the move may seem a little unorthodox, anyone who has ever seen rival baseball broadcasts on ESPN or Fox understands that in-game commentary is largely a joke now anyways, so it seems like a smart move.