Friday, April 11, 2008

Injuries Attributed to Candy Man-Like Curse

With the recent slew of injuries to several prominent Yankee players, some are concerned that other key players may head to the DL as well. In a quest to find the cause of these injuries, the "Respect Jeter's Gangster" blog sent an investigative reporter to search out possible injury factors. Was it weather? Age? The answer may surprise you...

"I always heard the stories, but I never believed them." Said Yankee pitcher Phil Hughes. "I just figured the older guys were messing with me. Posada decided to prove to us that it was true, and now look at him."

"Do it once, and you'll see for yourself." explained Posada. "Its very real."

Whispers of this legend began in 2005 when several injured players attributed their bad fortunes to the same event Posada referred to. Despite the fact that every player in the clubhouse knows about this legend, very few are willing to speak to the outside world about it. Until now...

"Last season, I was completely skeptical." Said DH Jason Giambi who suffered a torn plantar faciatis last season. "To prove it, I went into the bath room, shut off the lights, and looked in the mirror. Mientkiewicz was there with me. I then said 'Carl Pavano', 'Carl Pavano', 'Carl Pavano' in the mirror three times just like that. Nothing happened right away, so I was like, 'See I told you they were full of crap'. So Mientkiewicz did it as well. Next thing you know, my foot splits apart, and Mientkiewicz breaks his wrist in a game. Its nuts."

"I didn't want these kids trying it basically." stated Posada. "I knew it was real, and you hear these kids not taking it seriously, you just have to show them. It was crazy. The same night I did it, there was a thunderstorm, and I was having trouble sleeping. Every time lightning would flash, I could vaguely see the outline of a dark figure wearing a cloak. I think his arm was in a sling. Every time the lightning would strike, the figure would be a little closer. Finally he was close enough to touch my shoulder. The next morning I woke up, and my throwing arm was sore. That's how he gets you."

Asked if his injury came through similar circumstances, Yankee shortstop and team captain Derek Jeter replied: "No, 'cause I'm not injured."

"There's a real easy solution to this problem." Explained manager Joe Girardi. "Just don't go in front of a mirror and say 'Carl Pavano', 'Carl Pavano', 'Carl Pavano' three times. Oh crap, is that a mirror right there?"

Despite the many concerns, the Yankees feel they will be able to persevere through the curse of Carl Pavano.

3 comments:

michael kei said...

I knew it! That bastard.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Pavano just refuses to leave us alone.

a free house elf said...

Send a copy of this story to J.K. Rowling. I'm sure she will launch the 8th book of Harry Potter:
Harry Potter and the Curse of Carl Pavano.