Thursday, April 17, 2008

Offensive Surge Attributed to Motivational Speaker

In the last three games the Yankees have scored a combined 28 runs, taking two from the Rays, and the first game of a 2 game set against Boston. Last night however was the best offensive performance of the season as the Yankees went on the score 15 runs. Prior to these games, the Yankee offense looked inconsistant, lethargic, and disinterested in scoring runs. To help break his offense out of their slump, Yankee skipper Joe Girardi hired a motivational speaker for the game against Boston. The speaker worked wonders.

"I was running late yesterday." recounted Yankees first baseman Jason Giambi, "I was kind of speed walking my way towards the clubhouse, when I noticed this rythmic stomping. I couldn't really tell where it was coming from, but the closer I got to the clubhouse, the louder it got. When I got to the door the stomping was deafening, and it sounded like people were also pounding on metal trashcans or something. I opened the door slowly and was met by Girardi. He threw a navy blue underarmor shirt at me and told me to put it on. Man, I looked awesome! My biceps were bulging, my gut was tucked in, I felt like I could do some damage! I headed towards the locker room and saw the entire team wearing navy blue underarmor, and they were all stomping to the same beat. I joined in with them, not knowing what else to do. Myself, Farnsworth, Kennedy, Hughes, Moeller and Ohlendorf were all off beat, but we still stomped anyway. Some players were banging on trashcans just like I had thought. Then, this roided out black guy who was leading the stomping told us that we needed to protect this house. I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but he was pretty adament about it. He led us in a chant of 'We must protect this house!' for about a half hour, which he finished by yelling 'Underarmor!', to which we all responded with a manly 'Hoomph!'. After that, we suited up, and hit the field. It was awesome."

4 comments:

michael kei said...

Giambi likes male bonding.

Fernando Alejandro said...

Not as much as Clemens.

Derek said...

I miss those Terry Tate commercials now...

the loyal sidekick of cinderella said...

Alas, the roided out black guy leading the stomping didn't tell Big G that the power of the magical Underarmor would wear off as the clock chimed twelve midnight just like the famous pumpkin chariot.