Mussina to Donate Statue for New Stadium

Mike Mussina announced this morning that he is going to donate a statue to the new Yankee Stadium. The statue, as Mussina explained, is in recognition of all his critics throughout last season and into the present. The 30 foot tall marble statue resembles a closed hand, with the middle finger curiously pointing straight into the air.

"I really wanted the finger to be wider and taller. I was thinking about 50 feet tall, but the bigger you make it, the more expensive it is." Said Mike Mussina. "I wanted to wait for my first win to donate this. Its really special to me, and I thought my critics would appreciate it too."

The statue contains a plaque with some of the quotes Mussina has heard from critical fans since last season. Included on the plaque are:

"He's old, he's done. He should just retire."

"We need to trade him, he's not even a number 5 anymore."

"When will Girardi move him out of the 2 spot in the rotation? He doesn't belong there."

Though Mussina has generously made this donation for the new Yankee stadium, Yankee officials are still unclear what they should do with it.

"It won't fit in the new monument park, and frankly I don't think it belongs there." Said Senior Vice President Felix Lopez.

"Its a nice gesture and all, but I don't think its appropriate for the new stadium." Said Yankee President Randy Levine.

"I'll take it." Said Hank Steinbrenner. "It might not go in the new stadium but I have a few ideas for what I can do with it."

Mussina described the donation as being "on his heart" for a while, and is happy to finally be able to announce the gift. Mussina also invites his nay-saying fans to come visit the statue.

"This is for you." Mussina began. "So please, come visit my statue. Stand in its shadow. Take a few minutes to appreciate it. I mean really, walk around it a few times, take some pictures, make some drawings of it that you can take home with you and study further. I am happy to give this to all of you."