Yanks Take Opener Against B-More

The Good

It turns out Kuroda can pitch in the AL. These last two starts have certainly earned him the benefit of the doubt in that respect. Chavez hit a two-run homer and accounted for all of our offense, which is what Cashman had in mind when he signed him as Nunez's back-up.

The Bad

Cano, A-Rod, and Teixeira combined to do exactly nothing (tho Teixeira had some nice plays at first, so I'm going to give him a pass). Also, Nunez tracking balls in left field was pretty bad. He made the catches, but we had to watch him make the catches. That's bad.

The Ugly

Ibanez is so old, when he goes to head out to right field, boy scouts offer to walk him over to make sure he gets there safely. Ibanez is so old, his batting average is also his birth year. Ibanez is so old, he's not bald, he was born before humans evolved to grow hair.

The Mounting Accolades

Eric the Chavez hit another home run, making him the first Yankee since Andruw Jones to accomplish that feat this season.

Raul Ibanez 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 6hr = $12
Andruw Jones 3hr = $6
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 4hr = $8
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 3hr = $6
Russell Martin 2hr = $4

Total 37hr = $74

Detroit No Match For CC

The Good

CC Sabathia gave us 8 innings of 2 run ball, effectively limiting a very tough lineup.  Don't let the fact that 4 out of the 9 hitters were batting in the .100's, Detroit has a tough lineup.  It does make you wonder what Brandon Inge was doing wrong.

Beyond that, Jeter got 2 infield hits along with 2 walks.  Granderson got a homerun as did Andruw Jones who came in the game to replace Swisher (See The Bad section).  Chavez had a couple hits and a walk as the DH.

Robertson pitched the 9th perfectly, striking out 2 and allowing no base runners. 

The Bad

Swisher came out of the game with a low grade strain in his hamstring.  He should only be out for a few days and probably won't make it to the DL, but after hitting 2 homeruns on Saturday's game against Detroit some question whether Swisher may have had a hex put on him.

The Ugly

After the game, Detroit releiver and former Egyptian Pharoah Luke Putkonen confirmed that he had put a hex on Swisher.  "I have cursed this Swisher!  And there will be frogs, and pyramids, and dog headed deities, and hamstrings, and myrh!!  I am Pharoah!  The Nile rises on my command!"

It did make for one of the better post game interviews in recent memory.

Does Anyone Think of the Children?

The Children's Health Fund does.  So do Granderson and Jones who both hit homeruns, and landed an extra $4 for the kids.  Further more, Swisher hit two homeruns and Granderson another in Saturdays game, which we have neglected to review.  That's a total of $10 going to the babies!

Raul Ibanez 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 6hr = $12
Andruw Jones 3hr = $6
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 4hr = $8
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 2hr = $4

Total 36hr = $72

Yanks Take Opener From Detroit, Verlander

The Good

The Yankees offense once again bailed out their starter, coming back from a 6-4 deficit to win the game in the bottom of the ninth. Mariano Rivera earned his first win of the season, and the bullpen, once again, held the opposing team scoreless.

The Bad

The strike zone was bad, forcing Nova to give up six runs.

"West wasn't calling the low strike," explained Nova, "so I just gave up six runs instead. I mean, if he's not going to call strikes I'll just give up runs. Whatever."

The Ugly

Justin Verlander, last year's MVP and Cy Young award winner, lost to the team whose captain should've been awarded the MVP every year for the last 15 years. 'Tis what they call, poetic justice. Also, this is my impression of Jim Leyland: "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, I'm up two runs, I'm going to go to the bullpen and let them blow the game for me, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh." I'm very mature.

It's All Offensive to Me

The Yankees showed off their signature small ball by pummeling that small ball with big bats. A-Rod and R...ll-Mart each hit monster home runs. $4 more for the babies.

Raul Ibanez 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 4hr = $8
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 2hr = $4

Total 28hr = $62

Off-Day

The Good


The Yankees didn't lose another game because their starter refused to show up.

The Bad


The Yankees broke Michael Pineda.  When they traded for him, Pineda was an up and coming future ace for the Seattle Mariners.  Now, he's just the future ace of his slow-pitch softball beer league 15 years from now, mostly because he buys a lot of the beer.  That's bad.

The Ugly


Delmon Young was arrested for getting into a fight and yelling anti-semitic remarks, or, as New Yorkers call it, riding the subway.

Working the Count


Here's the home run total so far.


Raul Ibanez 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 3hr = $6
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 28hr = $58

Rangers Take Series from Yanks

The Good


Hughes still sucks.  You're probably thinking, 'but that's bad, right?!'  No.  It isn't.  Because if Hughes didn't suck, I'd have to reverse course and admit I was wrong for throwing him under the bus pretty much every time he threw a pitch in the starting rotation.  As is, I don't have to admit $#!%, which is good.

The Bad


Hughes is still in the rotation.  I know, I should be more patient.  But for years now I've been hearing about all this great AAA pitching depth and these kids never get a shot.  I understand not moving a CC or Kuroda, veterans who have shown us something.  Nova has earned his keep, but should Burnett have held up a spot for as long as he did?  Should Garcia and Hughes do so now?  Pettitte shouldn't be the only guy we're looking to call up at this point.  Remember when we put Hughes and Kennedy in our rotation and it went horribly awry.  Well, it turns out Kennedy is actually a decent major league pitcher, just not in the AL East.  When do we accept that the same might be true for Hughes?

The Ugly


Phelps pitched really badly yesterday.  And while I hate to say this, I think Joe Girardi may have Joe Torred Phelps.  The poor kid has had to pitch 5 innings more or less every game not pitched by Ivan Nova.  Pineda may not be the only guy seeing Dr. Altchek this year.  Just sayin'.

Not a Complete Loss


Raul Ibanez knocked one out of the park for the kids.  Awesome.

Raul Ibanez 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 3hr = $6
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 28hr = $58

Yu Darvish Makes the Yankees Pay for Ruining P-Rod's Retirement Party

The Good

Kuroda didn't suck.  

The Bad

Everyone else on the team not named Jeter sure did.  Also, is it me, or does A-Rod look really bad right now?  He looks like he's having trouble catching up to fastballs in the low 90s, which doesn't bode well for our three/four hitter.  Let's just hope that A-Rod's hip muscles don't currently look like Pineda's shoulder muscles.  

The Ugly

Asked after the game why he wouldn't let the Yankees score any runs, Darvish explained that he was upset that the Yankees ruined Pudge's retirement party.  

"We had it all set up," explained Darvish.  "We had these great party hats, and a banner, and a cake.  Then, right before Pudge arrived, Mick Kelleher walks by and says, 'nice hats, do they come in mens?'  He laughed hysterically.  Then, when he finally caught his breath, he goes, 'those hats are so stupid they match your IQ!'  Then he cut the corner off of the cake with a Karate chop, ate it, wiped his hands on the banner, and walked away.  We still had the party, but you could tell everyone was self-conscious about the hats.  It really killed the vibe."  

No Balls Were Harmed in the Filming of This Game

The Yankees scored zero runs on zero home runs and zero RBI.  

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 3hr = $6
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 28hr = $56

CC Steps it Up, Jeter Backs Him Up

The Good

CC gave us 8 innings of 4 run ball, with 8 strikeouts. To take the first game against the best playing team in baseball is good. Also, Derek Jeter went 4-5 proving that he won't age quietly. A-Rod hit a 3-run homerun in the 5th inning and walked twice. And of course, Chris Stewart had a career game where he got on base twice in the same game. This matches his previous season total for on base appearances, which he accomplished last year in San Francisco. Mariano got the save.

The Bad

Andruw Jones wants to win an every day job, and with Gardner on the DL he has an opportunity to do so, but his 0-4 night puts him at .154 on the season. He may not win the starting job.

The Ugly

Josh Hamilton has hit 8 homeruns this season. Like a jerk.

The Babies Benefit

Still the best part of A-Rod's homerun was not the 3 RBI's it gave the Yankees, but the $2 it gave the babies at the Children's Health Fund.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 3hr = $6
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 28hr = $56

Yanks Embarrass Red Sox in front of Their Mothers

The Good

The offense is alive and well.  Swish and Tex had six RBI each, responsible for one of the greatest comeback wins in recent memory.  Also, the Yankees are still well capable of defeating a Red Sox roster that resembles a spring training road team where most of the veterans aren't asked to make the trip.  

The Bad

Not so long ago I wrote here that Hughes needed to go to the bullpen, but that Garcia should have a chance to turn it around.  Now I'd really like to see both Garcia and Hughes out of the starting rotation.  Put Phelps in the rotation.  Or Swisher.  Anybody.  I'm starting to miss Burnett!  At least he could win five games in April.  Do you know how bad things need to be to start missing Burnett?  Burnett!

The Ugly

I just said I miss Burnett, how can it get uglier than that?  Well, the Red Sox bullpen had plenty of ugly to spread around, but that's not the ugliest thing.  What's with the veritable deluge of Viagra commercials during baseball games and every other major American sporting event?  As best I can tell, the average member of the baseball demographic is someone who likes $#!%%* American cars and little blue pills.  I'm starting to think there must be some sort of causal relationship between experiencing one's masculinity vicariously through sporting events and ED.  If so, these games need to come with a warning, because that's bull$#!%.  I'm sorry, I love the Yankees, but not enough to watch them if that's the case.  

The Red Sox Do Their Part to Help the Children

In the first game of this series, the Sox gave up five solo home runs.  Yesterday, they gave up three more, a grand slam to Swish, and a solo and two-run shot to Teixeira.  That's $6 more for the kids.  Let's all give a round of applause to the Sox pitching staff.  

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 2hr = $4
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 24hr = $54

Yanks Take Opener on Fenway's Birthday

The Good

Nova gave us six innings of two-run ball.  The offense combined for five solo home-runs.  The bullpen, once again, shut out the opponent.  

The Bad

When Eric Chavez and Russell Martin combine for five home runs, there is something wrong with Earth's gravitational pull.  That can't possibly be good.  

The Ugly

Kevin Youkilis was asked about his recent struggles at the plate and finally came clean.

"Bobby was right, I'm just not into it as much as I used to be.  It's not that I don't care, it's that my head is somewhere else.  You know how when you go to the grocer, the organic vegetables are super expensive?  The regular vegetables are cheap, but they're poisonous.  They're covered in poison!  So when you buy organic you're essentially paying these crooked sons of #@%&$ to not poison you.  That's $%#@&$% extortion, man!  Every time I step to the plate I think about that and get so angry!  The $%#@&$% ball looks like a head of lettuce, and I'm just swinging wildly and angrily, but there's nothing I can do.  The whole at bat becomes a metaphor for my inability to do anything but fork over the ransom the organic food growers demand for not poisoning me.  It's bull$#!%.  

Did They Bring the Fences in at Fenway too?

Swish, Chavez, A-Rod, and Martin combined for five home runs, bringing in $10 for the kids.  

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 3hr = $6
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 2hr = $4
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 1hr = $2
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 24hr = $48

As Rotation Races to the Bottom, Offense Races to the Top

The Good

With a rotation that's been struggling this year, the bullpen has stepped up and given us the quality innings that our starters have refused to give us. Yesterday was no different as the bullpen combined to give us 3.2 scoreless innings with a save from Mariano. Still the big news from last night was Curtis Granderson who hit 3 homeruns as part of a 5-5 night. The Yankees just edged out the Twins 7-6, but you just don't get there without Granderson's ridiculous outburst.

The Bad

Hughes went 5.1 innings giving up 2 earned runs and got the win, which is good, but he also allowed 4 unearned runs due to a throwing error by Eduardo Nunez in the first inning. It just seems like you'd want better defense out of your utility infielder.

The Ugly

Although Nunez's error extended the first inning, it really served to prove the point about Hughes. When he can locate, he does pretty good, thus the results we saw from the 2nd to 5th innings. However, when he can't locate we see the disaster that was the first inning. I know the error extended the inning, but the truth of the matter is those 4 unearned runs came because the Minnesota Twins were lighting up Phil Hughes' pitches.

Granderson May Put Us Out of Business

With 3 homeruns out of Granderson and another jack by Teixeira, the babies at the Children's Health Fund were given an adult dose of generosity. That's $8 for the younguns.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 1hr = $2

Total 19hr = $38

Race to the Bottom

The competition in spring training brought out the best in our rotation.  Hughes looked like a major leaguer, even against major league hitters.  The notoriously 'doesn't show up for spring' Garcia was arguably the best starter on the staff.  Hell, Rapada broke a guy's elbow just so he could make the 25-man.

Now, the only pitchers who have showed up are CC and Nova, and CC just barely.  Kuroda has had one good start out of three.  This may not be completely his fault, as he's adjusting to a new league and a very tough division, but he's largely been horrible.  Hughes has been Hughes.  He still can't put hitters away when he gets ahead, and he's generally reached his pitch count by the time his warm-ups are done.  Garcia's just been, well, old I guess.  He's not a power guy anymore by any means, but he's generally been able to pitch his way into being a solid major league starter.  Maybe age has caught up to him.  Maybe he's decided he needs to help Martin make-up all the jumping and diving he no longer gets to do now that Burnett is gone.  But he's been bad.

Luckily, Pettitte is on the way, and it seems like he can still locate his pitches.  Hughes, unless he turns it around, should probably be the first to get sent to the bullpen.  He may be young, but he has no real track record as a major league starter (I'm sorry, I'm not going to hype the first half of 2010, the only time he was consistently effective).  He's had success in the 'pen and should probably stay there.  Garcia should have a slightly longer leash, since, unlike Hughes, he might actually figure it out on account of an actual pitching IQ.  Hughes's go-to pitch when ahead in the count is a fastball up and down the middle.  No thank you.

If Garcia doesn't turn it around, Pineda should be given his slot once he's healthy, just to show what he can do. If he can't hack it, we have a seven-man rotation of high end pitching prospects at AAA being tutored by the major league tested Francisco Cervelli.  Someone will pitch with competence.

Twins Trounce Yankees, Insult Their Mothers

The Good

The offense is still very much alive and well. Though they couldn't get the big hit when they needed it, they still scored 5 runs including homeruns from Jeter and Cano, and a 2 run single by Swisher who's been driving in runs like its his walk year or something. Jeter finished 3-5 on the night having scored 2 runs and driven in 1. A-Rod talked about beating father time, Jones believed it was possible, but Jeter's making it happen.

Also noteworthy was our bullpen which has been a huge strength for us this season. Rapada, Logan and Soriano combined for 4.2 innings of shutout baseball, which is more innings than we got out of Kuroda. After a rough first appearance, Rapada has really settled down and given us some solid innings out of the bullpen.

The Bad

Kuroda lasted 4.1 innings allowing 6 runs. A lead the Yankee offense could never quite topple.

The Ugly

After his second homerun Justin Morneau looked into the Yankees dugout and yelled "Your mothers!" We thought this would fire the Yankees up but instead they got all quiet and sad as they realized that they missed their mothers. They then went on to leave 18 men on base. Its psychological warfare at its best.

The Children Get the Money So I Don't Care

Jeter and Cano contributed to the progression of modern medicine with their homeruns last night. We're $4 closer to solving the riddle of childhood illness.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 3hr = $6
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2

Total 15hr = $30

Sabathia Settles In and Settles Twins

The Good

After a rocky 3 innings, Sabathia settled down and managed to give his best performance of the year: 7.1 innings, 3 runs, 7 strikeouts. The Yankees combined for 13 hits, including 2 from back up catcher Chris Stewart whose 2 run single sparked the Yankees. Jeter went an unJeter-like 1-4 but still drove in 2 runs. Stewart, Gardner, Nunez, Jones and Swisher each had 2 hits, with Jones hitting a long ball. A pretty solid offensive performance.

The Bad

Everyone on the Yankees was invited to the hits party except for A-Rod who went 0-4. Apparently, it wasn't the only thing he wasn't invited to.

"Last night I couldn't sleep so I decided to take a walk out on the town. I passed by a Starbucks and I saw Eduardo Nunez, Cory Wade and Gardner having coffee together. I wasn't invited. Why wouldn't they invite me?"

When asked why they didn't invite A-Rod, the trio responded: "The last time we hung out with A-Rod he made it clear that he liked to surround himself with lesser ball players so that the ladies would flock to him. He then wouldn't stop referring to us as decoys. It hurt our feelings."

Fair enough.

The Ugly

Gardner hurt his wrist making a diving catch. It conjured up images of the time Hideki Matsui broke his wrist on a diving catch in left field. That was ugly.

Andruw Jones May Not Win a Starting Role On The Field, But He's Definitely Earned A Starting Role in the Hearts of Children

Andruw Jones hit a homerun last night earning a couple more bucks for the Children's Health Fund.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 3hr = $6
Curtis Granderson 3hr = $6
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 13hr = $26

Beaten By Our Arch-Nemesis

The Good

Jeter's been off to a great start! Jeter and Granderson hit back-to-back homeruns in the first the get the party going.

The Bad

The party took a turn for the worse when Carl Pavano dug his heels and kept the Yankees to 3 runs over 7 innings. Consequentially, 7 innings is what he gave the Yankees in his 4 year stay in New York.

The Ugly

Freddy Garcia went 5.2 innings and allowed 5 runs dropping the first game of the series against Minnesota. With Pettitte and Pineda on the horizon, it may be hard for Freddy to keep that starting job.

At Least Some Good Came Out Of This

With Granderson and Jeter's homeruns, more money was pledged to the Children's Health Fund.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 3hr = $6
Curtis Granderson 3hr = $6
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 12hr = $24

Nova Fights Off the Plague for Series Win

The Good

Although Nova wasn't feeling well, he kept the Yankees in the game with a 6 inning 4 run effort where he struck out 8. The big blows however came from Derek Jeter and Raul Ibanez. Jeter hit a three-run homerun in the 4th and Ibanez hit a monster shot in the 7th driving in two runs. Cano went 2-3 scoring 3 runs, and Teixeira went 2-4 with an RBI double. Both Cano and Teixeira stole a base bringing Gardner to tears.

The Bad

Soriano came in to pitch the 7th but gave up two hits, two walks and a run. After Boone Logan pitched an inning where he struck out 3 and gave up no runs, he demanded a contract renegotiation claiming that he's been doing Soriano's job, and deserves Soriano-type money. Hard to argue with that.

The Ugly

Tonight we face old friend of the blog, Carl Pavano. The bad news is that if Freddy doesn't out pitch him, then Freddy's not even Pavano tough and who can trust anyone who's not Pavano tough?

Respect Jeter's Gangster is for the Children

Jeter and Ibanez were the only two to care about the rising cost of health care for children. Their two homeruns give $4 to the Children's Health Fund.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Curtis Granderson 2hr = $4
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 10hr = $20

Silver Lining Never Looked So Golden

The Good

Despite a rather rough loss in our second game of our home opener there is something to be said for David Phelps 5.1 innings of relief of Hughes allowing just one run and striking out 4. Jeter went 2-5 as the leadoff guy providing spark that a floundering offense couldn't take advantage of.

The Bad

Hughes lasted just 3.1 innings giving up 6 runs. Not a great start especially with Pettitte is looking to take someones spot in the next number of weeks.

The Ugly

Everybody not named Albert Pujols on the Angels hit a homerun. It was tough to see, especially for the Angels who watched Albert cash one of his multi-million dollar checks over the weekend.

Homeruns For Babies

And the Yankees hit none of them! That means zero dollars to the Children's Health Fund!

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 1hr = $2
Curtis Granderson 2hr = $4
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 8hr = $16

Kuroda Is Pretty Awesome

The Good

Kuroda pitched 8 innings of shut out ball striking out 6. A-Rod went 3-4 with a homerun, as Swisher hit a bases clearing double in the first putting us ahead 3-0. Granderson also hit a homerun. The best part of it was that we scored 5 runs, and allowed none against an Angels lineup that has Pujols, on opening day at Yankee stadium.

The Bad

Pujols went 1-4 with a strikeout. Jeter went 1-4 with a strikeout. Both hit singles. The bad news is, Pujols is trying to copy Jeter to be cool! He should know better!

The Ugly

Ibanez went 0-4, and as the camera zoomed in on his face after his last at bat, a single tear could be seen welling up in his eye. It made all the fans sad.

A-Rod and Granderson Care

Because they were the only ones to aid the kids at the Children's Health Fund with their homeruns.

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2

Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 1hr = $2
Curtis Granderson 2hr = $4

Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 8hr = $16

Yankees Sweep Orioles

The Good

The Yankees took another extra-inning game from the Os, this time with a two-run home run by Nick Swisher.  Sabathia pitched innings.  Granderson also hit a home run and had three RBI on the night.  

The Bad

What can be bad about sweeping a division rival?  Name one thing?  Well, sometimes, things get ugly . . . 

The Ugly

The following conversation, involving Nick Swisher, Robinson Cano, Curtis Granderson, and Derek Jeter, was overheard in the Yankees' clubhouse before the game.  

NS: I am so psyched for this Avenger's movie!

RC: Totally!

CG: Me too!

NS: Hey Jete, aren't you psyched for the Avenger's movie?!

DJ: Not really.

CG: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

RC: You're joking, right?!

NS: No Way!

DJ: Let me ask you something, did any of you, as kids, ever actually read an Avenger's comic?

NS: Well, not that I ca. . . 

RC: I guess no. . . 

CG: The Avenger's is a comic book?

DJ: Exactly.  

Baltimore Chops

Two more home runs today means $4 for the Children at the end of the year.  It's all about deferred benefit compensation funds.

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 1hr = $2
Curtis Granderson 1hr = $2

Total 6hr = $12

Ibanez Joins Fight Against Father Time

The Good

Raul Ibanez had a 12th inning double that scored the go-ahead run. Because the Baltimore Orioles had lost all hope, they just forfeited making Ibanez's double a walk-off. According to Elias this is the first walk-off win by a visiting team in the modern era of baseball. Ibanez ended the night going 2-3 with a stolen base after replacing Andruw Jones.

Although the game came down to a dramatic at-bat by Ibanez, the bulk of the credit has to go to our bullpen. 6 releivers combined to go 7.1 innings in relief of Freddy, and both Wade and new comer David Phelps pitched 2.1 innings with 4 strikeouts a piece. Mariano got his first save of the season, and Clay Rapada brought his ERA down to a respectable 10.80.

Lastly, Jeter went 2-6 with a homerun. It may be a little early, but I'm smelling an MVP. Cano went 3-6 but could only muster a paltry pair of doubles.

The Bad

An 0-5 night for A-Rod and an 0-4 night for Granderson got the powerful duo at .158 and .150 respectively. Talks of them being sent to the minors have started.

The Ugly

Garcia went 4.2 innings allowing 4 runs, 3 earned, but what was really ugly is that his 5 wild pitches is one more than he had all of last season. His control of his splitfinger fastball came into question, but Garcia quickly put down that notion.

"No, my split was top notch yesterday, I was just trying a new pitch called a knuckle fastball. Its like a fastball, in that I throw it as fast as I can, but its like a knuckleball in that I don't know where its going. I'm still working on it."

Kids Love Homeruns

Because homeruns means health. Derek Jeter hit a homerun adding 2 more dollars to the Children's Health Fund coffers.

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 1hr = $2

Total 4hr = $8

RJG, The Movie: Scene 2

[Roberto and Fernando are driving around in a car.  It's a nice day out, but the mood inside the vehicle is far less sunny.]

R: Where are we going?

F: It's a company outing.  You'll see.  It's going to be fun.

R: Well, it's already loads of not fun, and half the company isn't even here!

F: They're going to meet us there.

R: Then why did Bucky just text asking where the hell we are?!

F: Bucky said 'hell'?  That's not like him!

R: Of course he didn't say 'hell'.  I cleaned it up for you.

F: That wasn't that clean even.

R: You didn't see the original text message.

F: Fair enough.

R: So where are we going?

F: Are you really going to do this the whole way there?

R: Not if you just tell me where we're going!

F: Fine, I'm taking you home.

R: Why are you taking me home?!

F: You're being suspended for five days.  No blogging activities.

R: What?! Is this because my posts have become too funny again?!

F: No, it's because you said you loved Fidel Castro.  

R: He buys me nice things.

F: Yeah, but when you're asked a non-blogging question and answer it honestly you have to deal with the blogging related consequences.

R: Wouldn't it be easier if, as the owner of the blog, you just stood up for me and said this "controversy" has nothing to do with blogging?

F: It's not that simple; I have potential advertisers to appease.  

R: What potential advertisers? 

F: Advertisers!

R: This is bull$#!%.  

F: This is business.

R: Curt Schilling never once got in any baseball related trouble for constantly proclaiming his love for a president that a not insignificant portion of the population of the state in which he played hated.  I guess when your name is Roberto Alejandro you can't have political opinions though.  Too uppity.  

F: That has nothing to do with it!  I resent the implications of that statement.

R: I resent your face.  Well, not your face so much, but the having to look at it.

F: Well, I resent your face!

R: Words hurt, you know?!

F: Your face hurts.

[The car comes to a stop at a red light.  A single tear rolls down Roberto's cheek.  Fade.]

First Win!

The Good

We won our first game of the season, always a plus. Nova went 7 innings giving up only 2 runs, and Robertson and Rivera finished off the game with a pair scoreless innings. Derek Jeter, the man whose gangster is respected on this blog, went 4-4 showing that he wasn't aging last year, he was simply going through a process of rebirth, much like a phoenix, the outcome of which will be the start of a new career playing well into his 40's. You heard it here first.

Andruw Jones who is attempting to win an everyday job went 1-2 with a walk and a homerun. Not a bad start to his quest to unseat Gardner. Not to be outdone, Gardner replaced Jones, also went 1 for 2, and stole a base. Your move Jones.

The Bad

Though Jones landed the first blow against Father Time, aging counter part Alex Rodriguez seems to be getting rocked by the old man. Another 0-4 night where he left 5 men on bases is not how A-Rod wanted to start this season. However, this is only the 4th game and A-Rod has vowed to bring the ruckus!

The Ugly

Martin and Orioles player Robert Andino got into an argument in which Martin accused Andino of stealing signs. We at the RJG learned that they weren't talking about baseball signs, but were arguing about Signs the M.Night Shyamalan movie, which Martin had let Andino borrow last season. The argument went like this:

Martin: "I said you could borrow it, I didn't say you could have it!"

Andino: "I'm doing you a favor! This movie's awful!"

Martin: "Then why would you keep it!"

Andino: "Truth is, I still don't get the ending. Did aliens whose only weakness is water, really not think that taking over a planet that is three-quarters water would be a problem?"

Martin: "Yeah, we don't even need an army. Just a bunch of kids with Super Soakers."

Andino: "Do they even still make Super Soakers?"

Martin: "Shut your face up!"

It was ugly.

RJG is the Place to Be...For the Children

A homerun by Jones dropped $2 to the CHF, which is just enough to pay a doctor to blink.

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2

Total 3hr = $6

Yankees Swept Pretty Handily

The Good

After 2 terrible starts by Sabathia and Kuroda, Phil Hughes stepped up by limiting the Rays to 2 runs over 4.2 innings. Numbers that would impress most any long releiver in the majors.
Phelps had a strong debut, and Corey Wade continued his dominant recovery from his lackluster Spring, recording 2 strike outs in 1 inning.

The Bad

3. It was the Bambino's jersey number. Its also the number of hits the entire Yankee team had yesterday.

The Ugly

After the game, some started questioning Joe Maddon's decision to have Hellickson start the 9th inning even though he already had 100 pitches. Maddon said that after running the numbers, and checking them twice, he concluded that the Yankees just could't hit Hellickson, so he stuck with him. Hard to argue that.

Respect Jeter's Gangster is STILL for the Children

The Respect Jeter's Gangster blog will once again pledge to give $2 for every homerun the Yankees hit this season. Even if they still get swept while hitting them.

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2

Total 2hr = $4

Yankees Drop Opening Series

The Good

Kuroda was drunk, so this was not necessarily representative of his pitching ability.

The Bad

Kuroda was pretty bad today; Nunez didn't exactly help. Kuroda gave up six runs, four earned. The other two were earned by Nunez, who now has a 2.25 ERA. That's still better, however, than Kuroda's 6.35 ERA, so some rotation decisions may have to be made soon.

The Ugly

Twenty-seven. Yes, that is the number of Yankees championships. But it is also Clay Rapada's ERA. His ERA is so high, it failed MLB's random drug testing and is now faced with a suspension and mandatory rehab.

Yankees Drop Opener

The Good

The offense finally came to life. After a dismal playoff performance last October, the Yankees finally figured out how to hit. It only took six months!

The Bad

Walking Rodriguez to load the bases and pitch to Carlos Pena was bad. CC was pretty bad for the first few innings. The Trop is still awful. This month's jobs report was still bad. Steve Jobs died. That's bad, especially if you're Steve Jobs. Man, blogging about the Yankees is starting to get really depressing.

The Ugly

In an alternate reality, where athlete's public statements accurately reflect our sports-crazed culture, Mo's post game interview with beat reporters sounded something like this:

"Today, I don't do my job. Sometimes you don't do your job. Sometimes you blog, or tweet, or check email, instead of writing your articles. The difference is, when I don't do my job, the Yankees lose. That means, my life matters and yours doesn't."

Over Managing

Intentionally walking Sean Rodriguez to pitch to slugger Carlos Pena? What was Girardi thinking?

The RJG Movie

There is a tradition of great baseball movies in America, but not great baseball blogging movies. Now that has finally changed. We here at RJG have developed a script for the next great baseball blogging movie. It's like a cross between 'The Social Network' and 'Field of Dreams'. It's awesome. Here is a sneak peak:


Scene 1

[The RJG guys are sitting in the office. Fernando is typing furiously at his computer. He's not typing fast, he's furious and typing. RJG Head of Security, Bucky the Bear is really bored. He's throwing his loaded gun up in the air and catching it to pass the time. Roberto is busy reading all the day's sports coverage that he will soon ignore in making up his next post. Deron Peter is passed out in the corner. Brad Pitt and Archbishop Desmond Tutu walk into the office]

Brad: Hey guys, I just got cast to play Billy Beane, a nerd who uses math to build unsuccessful baseball teams and then convince everyone he's revolutionized the game. I'd ask you guys for help in preparing for the role, but you're too cool to know what being a nerd is like. Also, you're all far better looking than me.

Desmond: Yeah. Also, you're all far more successful at world peace than I am. Remember that.

Fernando: You are both wise and honest. Go in peace.

Desmond: World peace.

Roberto: Right.

Brad: Can I hang out with you guys?

[Deron groans in the corner]

Bucky: Oh man, we would, but we're super busy today. Lots of news to cover. Somebody threw a bullpen and some aging player got signed as minor league depth and . . . you know how it is.

Brad: [holding back tears] Yeah, I do.

[Brad and Desmond leave the office.]

Roberto: Is it me, or is he getting needier?

Fernando: Way needier.

Bucky: He is way too needy.

[Deron groans in the corner]

Roberto: [Pointing at Deron] Is he dead?

[Cut to black screen with large bold letters that read: RJG, The Movie.]

RJG on Recent Baseball Trends

Every so often, an idea comes along that revolutionizes the way the game is played. Doctoring the ball, greenies, revenue sharing, steroids, money ball. All of these represent attempts to rethink the way baseball is played, understood, managed, consumed.

This Spring, with a tough steroid drug testing program in place, and HGH testing on the way, players have taken the initiative, once again, to reinvent the game.

"I was trying to think, 'What can I do different? What hasn't been done before?'" explained AJ Burnett of the Pittsburgh Pirates. "I wanted to play the game in a way nobody else has before, but as a pitcher, I'm limited. I mean, I already use pretty much all of my body in the pitching motion. But then it hit me! I use pretty much all of my body to play baseball, except my face. That's like a good 10% of my body that is underutilized. I couldn't really use my face much for pitching, but now that I'm in the NL, I could use it for hitting!"

Other players soon followed suit. "When I saw what AJ was trying to do, I was inspired," explained Miguel Cabrera of the Detroit Tigers. "I mean, if he can hit with his face, maybe I can use my face more too. I don't move so great, but I can throw my face in front of incoming balls. Why are you laughing?"

So far the experiments have not yielded great results. "I'm not sure I executed what I was trying to do properly," explained Burnett. "In two months, we'll try it again. Who has a low pitching IQ now?!"

Cabrera, however, seems less inclined to revisit the matter. "The doctor's said I have to stop using my face to catch balls. Seriously, what is so funny?!"