Sunday, April 22, 2012

Yanks Embarrass Red Sox in front of Their Mothers

The Good

The offense is alive and well.  Swish and Tex had six RBI each, responsible for one of the greatest comeback wins in recent memory.  Also, the Yankees are still well capable of defeating a Red Sox roster that resembles a spring training road team where most of the veterans aren't asked to make the trip.  

The Bad

Not so long ago I wrote here that Hughes needed to go to the bullpen, but that Garcia should have a chance to turn it around.  Now I'd really like to see both Garcia and Hughes out of the starting rotation.  Put Phelps in the rotation.  Or Swisher.  Anybody.  I'm starting to miss Burnett!  At least he could win five games in April.  Do you know how bad things need to be to start missing Burnett?  Burnett!

The Ugly

I just said I miss Burnett, how can it get uglier than that?  Well, the Red Sox bullpen had plenty of ugly to spread around, but that's not the ugliest thing.  What's with the veritable deluge of Viagra commercials during baseball games and every other major American sporting event?  As best I can tell, the average member of the baseball demographic is someone who likes $#!%%* American cars and little blue pills.  I'm starting to think there must be some sort of causal relationship between experiencing one's masculinity vicariously through sporting events and ED.  If so, these games need to come with a warning, because that's bull$#!%.  I'm sorry, I love the Yankees, but not enough to watch them if that's the case.  

The Red Sox Do Their Part to Help the Children

In the first game of this series, the Sox gave up five solo home runs.  Yesterday, they gave up three more, a grand slam to Swish, and a solo and two-run shot to Teixeira.  That's $6 more for the kids.  Let's all give a round of applause to the Sox pitching staff.  

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 2hr = $4
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 24hr = $54

7 comments:

Rich Mahogany said...

That game embarrassed the Red Sox' mothers, fathers, children, cousins, nieces and nephews, as well as cats, dogs and birds. Even their fish and reptiles suddenly gained sufficient sentience to comprehend embarrassment, if only for a fleeting moment. Truly a remarkable occurrence.

Fernando Alejandro said...

This was an embarrasment. The rain was truly an act of mercy. The Red Sox are going to bankrupt us for charity!

Anonymous said...

It was sad, particularly because this past Friday marked the 100th anniversary of Fenway, the oldest MLB park. In a way, the Yankees made history on Saturday. How frequently do you win a game that you are loosing 9-0? It was another chapter in the rivalry, right?

Fernando Alejandro said...

Yeah, it definitely registers as a historical moment in the rivalry. Over coming a 9-run deficit to win by 6 runs on the centennial anniversary of your greatest rival, is much like beating someone up on their birthday with their own cake.

Rich Mahogany said...

A cake made of bricks.

Anonymous said...

Ouch!

Anonymous said...

nice opinion.. thanks for sharing..