Saturday, April 21, 2012

Yanks Take Opener on Fenway's Birthday

The Good

Nova gave us six innings of two-run ball.  The offense combined for five solo home-runs.  The bullpen, once again, shut out the opponent.  

The Bad

When Eric Chavez and Russell Martin combine for five home runs, there is something wrong with Earth's gravitational pull.  That can't possibly be good.  

The Ugly

Kevin Youkilis was asked about his recent struggles at the plate and finally came clean.

"Bobby was right, I'm just not into it as much as I used to be.  It's not that I don't care, it's that my head is somewhere else.  You know how when you go to the grocer, the organic vegetables are super expensive?  The regular vegetables are cheap, but they're poisonous.  They're covered in poison!  So when you buy organic you're essentially paying these crooked sons of #@%&$ to not poison you.  That's $%#@&$% extortion, man!  Every time I step to the plate I think about that and get so angry!  The $%#@&$% ball looks like a head of lettuce, and I'm just swinging wildly and angrily, but there's nothing I can do.  The whole at bat becomes a metaphor for my inability to do anything but fork over the ransom the organic food growers demand for not poisoning me.  It's bull$#!%.  

Did They Bring the Fences in at Fenway too?

Swish, Chavez, A-Rod, and Martin combined for five home runs, bringing in $10 for the kids.  

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 3hr = $6
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 2hr = $4
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 1hr = $2
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 24hr = $48

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