Monday, April 2, 2012

The RJG Movie

There is a tradition of great baseball movies in America, but not great baseball blogging movies. Now that has finally changed. We here at RJG have developed a script for the next great baseball blogging movie. It's like a cross between 'The Social Network' and 'Field of Dreams'. It's awesome. Here is a sneak peak:

Scene 1

[The RJG guys are sitting in the office. Fernando is typing furiously at his computer. He's not typing fast, he's furious and typing. RJG Head of Security, Bucky the Bear is really bored. He's throwing his loaded gun up in the air and catching it to pass the time. Roberto is busy reading all the day's sports coverage that he will soon ignore in making up his next post. Deron Peter is passed out in the corner. Brad Pitt and Archbishop Desmond Tutu walk into the office]

Brad: Hey guys, I just got cast to play Billy Beane, a nerd who uses math to build unsuccessful baseball teams and then convince everyone he's revolutionized the game. I'd ask you guys for help in preparing for the role, but you're too cool to know what being a nerd is like. Also, you're all far better looking than me.

Desmond: Yeah. Also, you're all far more successful at world peace than I am. Remember that.

Fernando: You are both wise and honest. Go in peace.

Desmond: World peace.

Roberto: Right.

Brad: Can I hang out with you guys?

[Deron groans in the corner]

Bucky: Oh man, we would, but we're super busy today. Lots of news to cover. Somebody threw a bullpen and some aging player got signed as minor league depth and . . . you know how it is.

Brad: [holding back tears] Yeah, I do.

[Brad and Desmond leave the office.]

Roberto: Is it me, or is he getting needier?

Fernando: Way needier.

Bucky: He is way too needy.

[Deron groans in the corner]

Roberto: [Pointing at Deron] Is he dead?

[Cut to black screen with large bold letters that read: RJG, The Movie.]


Fernando Alejandro said...

Best movie ever?

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

We won't know until the sequel.

Rich Mahogany said...

I'll look for it in Straight to DVD.

Steve said...

great script but you can't cast yourself in the movie, way to Sylvester Stallone. To give it a older, more mature aspect I think you should cast Hector Elizondo as Fernando and Edward James Olmos as Roberto. To capture the young crowd maybe Antonio Banderas and Jimmy Smits. If you want to keep it a comedy you could use Cheech Marin and George Lopez. I think the best thing would be to completely change things up and make them sisters, Jennifer Lopez and Salma Hayek.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

My brother is going to be played by Robert Downey Jr. while I will be played by Jason Statham. I think that makes the most sense, based on our profile pics and general demeanors. Deron Peter will be played by Jack Black, and Bucky will be played by Chewbacca, who, little known fact, is real. Elizondo and Olmos can play the older versions of us in flash forward scenes (of which there will be many).

Anonymous said...

Banderas and Smits for the young crowd? How old are you, Steve?