Joba Chamberlain Fist Pump Destroying Major League Baseball

There has been a lot of press in recent days surrounding the Joba Chamberlain fist pump incident which occurred after his strikeout of Frank Thomas during the Yankees home opener. After tossing a fastball past Frank Thomas, Yankee reliever Joba Chamberlain, turned and rigorously thrusted his fist into the air in a pumping motion. His fist pump has stirred a lot of controversy and sparked a debate on whether fist pumping is appropriate in baseball. Although Frank Thomas said he did not mind the fist pump, other players felt slighted by the act:

“Did you see how hard his fist pump was?” asked Blue Jays Catcher Greg Zaun “Its clear he was trying to show him up. I can understand if he had just done the fist pump, but he TURNED and did the fist pump. I think I even heard him yell “YEAH!” while he fist pumped. How’s that not showing Thomas up?”

When asked to comment, Toronto pitcher Ewan McGregor had this to say: “When I pump my fist, I turn around and do it. That way the batter doesn’t see me do it, but Aaron Hill [Toronto second baseman] does. We share the moment together. I don’t want people to think that I’m excited about striking them out.”

But Joba does not agree with the views presented by the two Blue Jays players, stating that excitement just got the better of him: “When I’m at home, and I see there’s a new episode of “Dexter” on, I like to do a mild fist pump. Usually without screaming. When I go out to dinner with the guys and Jeter offers to pick up the check, the fist pump is a little stronger, a little more prolonged. I like to keep the fist in the air for a few seconds before I put it away. So, as you see, there’s different fist pumps for different situations.”

Despite Joba’s claims, Major League Baseball Commissioner, Bud Selig, warns fans to not take this issue lightly. “I’ve only done a fist pump 3 times in my life, and even then I didn’t turn and fist pump, I just fist pumped. Joba Chamberlian abuses fist pumps, and this should not be taken lightly. Joba Chamberlain and the New York Yankees are destroying baseball with their rampant fist pumping. How can we expect to become an international sport when we can’t even control the fist pumping here in our own backyard. I hope to conduct an investigation on this matter. It simply cannot be overlooked.”

Though Bud Selig wants to investigate the matter further, one former baseball player feels that this issue has festered far too long. “I remember when I first saw Roger Clemens fist pump. I was shocked. He was a hero to me, but there he was, fist pumping. I know that I fist pumped throughout my career, but some people you just don’t expect it from. I also saw A-Rod fist pump in my home gym one time after finishing a set.” Said Jose Canseco. “You can read about this and many other fist pumping incidents in my new book ‘Fist’d’.”

Asked about Canseco’s allegations, Alex Rodriguez said “All it takes is one date. One date with a man’s wife and they never let you forget it.”

But some players are taking Selig’s comments and Canseco’s claims to heart. “You hear rumors of fist pumps, and maybe you see things that make you think fist pumping is going on, but its not like everyone does it out in the open. Sometimes you see guys go into a stall, and you think maybe they’re fist pumping in there, but you never want to think that about your own guys. Some people are dumb enough to fist pump during a game. Maybe after an important at-bat. That’s how they catch you.” Said Orioles outfielder Nick Markakis.

“I’ve never seen anyone fist pump here.” Said Red Sox captain Jason Varitek. “But when players get a little older and a little less effective, the temptation to throw a fist pump in the air becomes a lot greater.”

When asked to comment, Rays manager Joe Maddon called Chamberlain’s fist pump “Borderline criminal.”

In the face of all this controversy, Bud Selig still hopes baseball may persevere. “Despite the New York Yankees best efforts, the integrity of baseball is still intact and we will all move forward.”