Saturday, December 6, 2008

The First Periodic Panda Jerk Award

RJG is pround to announce the institution of a brand new award. There are jerks, and then there are panda jerks, and it is time to point them out and subject them to ridicule. What is a panda jerk you ask? One definition is that it is anyone who makes you look like an @$$hole. Another definition...well, there is no other definition. The award is not annual, nor monthly, nor weekly. It is periodic. The reason for this is, I may want to award two in one hour, but I can't do that if I name it a weekly award. The award will be granted whenever the award is merited.

The first award goes to CC Sabbathia. Sabbathia has sat on the Yankees $140M offer even though he has no other options that are remotely close. He's waiting for an offer to materialize from a West Coast team even though they're all looking elsewhere. It's been weeks. You're making the Yankees look like an @$$hole Sabbathia, and it has to stop. Apparently Sabbathia doesn't want to play in New York. Some say it's because it would put him far away from his family. Others suggest it's because the fans are unsupportive and ruthless, i.e. booing A-Rod when he hits a measly .300+ and over 30 homeruns. By the way, you suck A-Rod. But we all know the real reason for Sabbathia's hesitation. He's afraid of Plaxico Burress. Well let me help you out CC. Sure, Burress carries a .40 caliber glock in his sweat pants, and that's pretty crazy (dare I say gangster? I would if he hadn't shot himself in a decidedly ungangster fashion), but the giants play in New Jersey, you will play in the Bronx. Man up already. Panda Jerk!

7 comments:

Fred Trigger said...

speaking of plaxico, did anyone else see this? http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/who-is-this-plaxico-of-whom-you-speak.html

Roberto Alejandro said...

That was great, Fred. I think that's an official transcript. I wonder who their intrepid reporters are?

Bucky7588 said...

Plus he'll be in jail for half the contract

TribeGirl said...

You had me with CC being a Panda Jerk until you had to throw in the comment "you suck A-Rod." WTF did A-Rod do? Anyway, I've been sticking up for CC saying leave him alone, give him some time, but now I gotta agree, it's been long enough. Sh!t or get off the pot already. Turn down the offer, its cool, because now if he signs and isn't perfect, because he hesitated so long, he'll get the same fan treatment as A-Rod because he's pissed off the sensitive fans of NY. He effed up and he hasn't even put on the pinstripes yet. Bring on Manny!!!

She-Fan said...

I'm not bashing CC until he turns us down. Then he can be a Panda Jerk.

Roberto Alejandro said...

if he ultimately turns us down, he'll be the first two time recipient of the Panda Jerk Award.

Raven King said...

I'm sure those plastic pandas will look good on CC's fake fireplace mantle in his California castle.