Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Most Important Matter of the Day

Today is the home opener and World Series ring ceremony. The most important question of the day, however, is how will Granderson respond when his name is called during the roll call. The roll call can make or break a player, unless that player is Jeter, who sort of flips his glove in the direction of the outfield whenever his name is called but is beloved anyway. Granderson, as I see it, has two choices. He can do a back flip, a la Ozzie Smith, or he can give the entire right field bleacher section the finger. I don't know if Granderson can do a back flip, but I assume that he can muster the necessary athleticism and dexterity to give the bleacher creatures the finger. From his position in center, the gesture will be clear to almost everyone, except those sitting in the upper left corner of the right field bleachers, who can see neither center field nor the tvs set up by the Yanks as a remedy.

Why the finger, you ask? Simple. First, aside from the roll call, the bleacher creatures are largely an annoying bunch who make sitting in that section of the park uncomfortable for anyone not in a biker gang or an amused (most likely male) teenager. They should be taken down a notch. Second, it is the most quintessentially New York thing he could possibly do. It would instantly endear him to the entire city, making everyone love him.

Sure, the moral police we call the press would have a field day. But Granderson could simply explain that it's all part of his process, and since he's playing so well that he is reluctant to change it. The baseball press can question anything, except a player's superstitions. Discussion over.


Rich Mahogany said...

Convincing argument as usual. I think Granderson's best explanation for giving the finger would be that it's understood as a warm, personal greeting in Detroit. No one will dare to fact check such a statement.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

Granderson is considered a reliable source by most media outlets to fact checking is rarely done on anything he says anyway.

On another note entirely, just saw the new preview for the Jeter/Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg movie. Looks like it might be pretty good.