It had been a while since our last conversation with Mr. Cash, the man responsible for making sure our team is better than the Rays. We couldn't even remember the last time we talked to old Bronny. The following is our attempt to remedy that:
RJG: Yes, may I speak to Brian please.
RJG: Yes, I can see that you're speaking. I need to speak to Brian. Briiiiiiiian. Put Brian on.
BC: This is Brian.
RJG: You don't sound like the dog from Family Guy. Oh snap! You're named after a cartoon dog. Hey, do you ever hang out with Santa's Little Helper?
BC: Very funny.
RJG: So, the team is looking kind of . . . It's weird actually. They have the best record in baseball but you can't help but feel like they're not quite up to snuff.
BC: Well I don't think we're playing our best but we have a strong team. Stronger than last year's team. We have much more pitching depth.
RJG: I know, with Pettitte on the DL and Javy's utter ineffectiveness we're way deeper at pitcher.
BC: I was referring to the bullpen. And when Andy gets back we'll have four solid starters going into October.
RJG: I assume you count AJ in that number. But he's not a solid starter heading into the last week of August. Why should we expect more come October?
BC: Because I paid him $85 million.
RJG: That doesn't strike me as a particularly good reason.
BC: Well, it's the only one I've got. Why don't you put that in your pipe and smoke it?!
RJG: I only fill my pipe with the finest Cuban tobacco, not bull$#!%, which is what you're full of.
BC: Sir, you have insulted my honor!
RJG: No Bronny. You're not getting out of this conversation that easily this time. A-Rod's on the DL. Pettitte's on the DL. Jeter is having the worst year of his career. Posada is old. Your mom is old. And Pettitte broke his groin. That's not a good state of affairs.
BC: Well you don't have to get all factual about it.
RJG: Don't you have some sort of response?!
BC: We have the best record in baseball, what else would you like me to say? Yeah, we have some older guys. You know what else we have, the best record in baseball. Sure, our pitching staff has not shown an optimal level of consistency. But guess what, we have the best record in baseball. We have hands down the best bullpen in the division, which is to say baseball, and we've continued to play well despite the Rays breathing down our necks. We're a veteran team that isn't phased by a pennant race, and we have the best record in baseball. Why don't you just chillax?
RJG: Well you don't have to get all factual about it.
There you have it folks, the Yankees still have the best record in baseball.