Monday, August 23, 2010

Another Warm Conversation With Our Friend Bronny

It had been a while since our last conversation with Mr. Cash, the man responsible for making sure our team is better than the Rays. We couldn't even remember the last time we talked to old Bronny. The following is our attempt to remedy that:

BC: Hello?

RJG: Yes, may I speak to Brian please.

BC: Speaking.

RJG: Yes, I can see that you're speaking. I need to speak to Brian. Briiiiiiiian. Put Brian on.

BC: This is Brian.

RJG: You don't sound like the dog from Family Guy. Oh snap! You're named after a cartoon dog. Hey, do you ever hang out with Santa's Little Helper?

BC: Very funny.

RJG: So, the team is looking kind of . . . It's weird actually. They have the best record in baseball but you can't help but feel like they're not quite up to snuff.

BC: Well I don't think we're playing our best but we have a strong team. Stronger than last year's team. We have much more pitching depth.

RJG: I know, with Pettitte on the DL and Javy's utter ineffectiveness we're way deeper at pitcher.

BC: I was referring to the bullpen. And when Andy gets back we'll have four solid starters going into October.

RJG: I assume you count AJ in that number. But he's not a solid starter heading into the last week of August. Why should we expect more come October?

BC: Because I paid him $85 million.

RJG: That doesn't strike me as a particularly good reason.

BC: Well, it's the only one I've got. Why don't you put that in your pipe and smoke it?!

RJG: I only fill my pipe with the finest Cuban tobacco, not bull$#!%, which is what you're full of.

BC: Sir, you have insulted my honor!

RJG: No Bronny. You're not getting out of this conversation that easily this time. A-Rod's on the DL. Pettitte's on the DL. Jeter is having the worst year of his career. Posada is old. Your mom is old. And Pettitte broke his groin. That's not a good state of affairs.

BC: Well you don't have to get all factual about it.

RJG: Don't you have some sort of response?!

BC: We have the best record in baseball, what else would you like me to say? Yeah, we have some older guys. You know what else we have, the best record in baseball. Sure, our pitching staff has not shown an optimal level of consistency. But guess what, we have the best record in baseball. We have hands down the best bullpen in the division, which is to say baseball, and we've continued to play well despite the Rays breathing down our necks. We're a veteran team that isn't phased by a pennant race, and we have the best record in baseball. Why don't you just chillax?

RJG: Well you don't have to get all factual about it.


There you have it folks, the Yankees still have the best record in baseball.


Dylan Murphy said...

It is kind of weird how the Yankees don't seem that good. I always hate this kind of feeling going into the playoffs.

I also wish Cashman couldn't be bailed out of his poor GM moves because of the Yankees money. There's no way to really tell how well his doing because he can buy his way out of any mistake.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

True, but I'd be more concerned if he couldn't figure out a way to buy himself out of mistakes. That would be bad.

Rich Mahogany said...

The team's payroll can't protect Cashman from RJG.

Cashman really does exploit the payroll while proceeding much more cautiously with trades. Everyone knows the Yankees threw tens of millions of dollars away on Pavano and Igawa. AJ can never be comparable to those guys, but he's the second or third-biggest Yankee pitching contract ever (right up there with Mussina) and his future looks bleak.

Trades have been a different story. I can't think of a single player the Yankees traded away who I wish we had back. To the contrary, many of Cashman's deals were downright diabolical (ARod, Abreu, Swisher), and Cashman has an uncanny ability to find late-season bench and bullpen support year after year while giving up almost nothing (Hairston, Hinske, Molina, Marte, and now Kearns and Wood).

Of course, due to the youth of the players traded and the disappointing performance of the players we acquired, the jury is still out on:

Tabata for Nady and Marte (although Marte's back-to-back strikeouts of Utley and Howard in the World Series may make this trade a winner no matter what happens in the future)

AJax and Coke for Granderson (I'm confident that AJax and Coke are playing well over their heads, and Granderson is doing the opposite, but Detroit doesn't look so foolish for making this deal anymore)

Vizcaino and Melky for Vazquez and Logan (it's funny that of all these players, Logan, the guy with the lowest ceiling, is doing the best this year. Melky has been awful, and I think that Vizcaino had a labrum injury that may jeopardize his pitching career, so this deal could end up being a total wash)

Melancon for Berkman (both players have not done well for their new teams. Berkman's injury was a fluke that could have happened to anyone, but right now it looks like we gave away a relief prospect with some upside plus a few million for nothing.)