Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Teixeira Returns to Lineup After Testing Thumb

As some may know, Mark Teixeira had injured his thumb in Chicago trying to making a diving stop on a ball hit to first. Though Mark had been resting his thumb, it was decided that he would need to test it before returning to the lineup.

"We don't want to take any chances." Explained manager Joe Girardi. "The opposable digit is the only thing that separates us from apes. The only thing. Its a scientific fact. Give apes an opposable thumb, and suddenly they have the power to launch nuclear warheads, and conceive such things as democracy."

Girardi, unwilling to chance Teixeira's thumb made him pass several thumb tests before writing him into the lineup. Teixeira explained the grueling process.

"I had to play 3 hours of X-Box 360 to show that my thumb was both agile and strong enough to endure so much playing time. I then had to defeat Girardi in a thumb wrestling contest, and Girardi's a pro. He played while reading the paper. I won on a technicality, after replays showed Girardi's thumb had stepped out of the boundaries thus violating one of the regulations of thumb warfare."

The tests proved effective as Teixeira went 3-3 with a homerun and a double in last nights game.

No comments: