The last time we spoke, Bronny got an earful about not having signed Cliftopher Lee yet. He promised to move on the matter, post haste, but has yet to deliver the coveted free agent to the blood thirsty New York masses. The Winter Meetings now over, it was time to fire up the old satellite video phone and give Bronny Cash another phone call. The following is a transcript, handwritten by robots (that's how internet text makes it onto your screen).
RJG: [Disguising voice] Um, yes, this is Darek, um, Brown . . . acre. I have a response from my client, Cliftopher Lee.
BC: Really?! Which of the three contract options did he accept?! Was it the one with the guaranteed pizza parties on his birthday?!
RJG: My client has opted to tell you to go #$&@ yourself!
[Distinct sound of whimpering on the other line]
RJG: [No longer disguising voice] Seriously? Crying? You're crying? There's no crying in baseball! Or the front office corporate baseball world you inhabit!
BC: I wasn't crying, there was something in my eye.
RJG: Something in your eye? Do you always whimper when there is something in your eye?
BC: Don't you?
RJG: Touche. Moving right along. Why haven't you signed Cliftopher to a contract yet?
BC: We've made three generous offers. The ball's in his court now.
RJG: The ball's in his court? Please don't sully our baseball conversation with basketball metaphors. Don't you think going with three contract offers might be a bit confusing. I mean, no offense, but the guy makes a living throwing a ball.
BC: But that's why these players have agents. And not just regular agents. Super agents! Darek will bring all our contract offerings to Lee and be all, "this one good, this one better. This one, Cliftopher no like."
RJG: Holy $#!%.
BC: Yeah. The best is when you're in a room together with the athlete and the agent. The player is all, "Me strong. Me throw ball for you or me throw ball at you!" And the agent is like, "What my client means to say is, he's open to playing in New York if the price is right." And I'm like, "Then why is he holding a ball and staring at me menacingly?" And the agent is all, "He's just trying to show you his game face. Very nice, now why don't you go play with your ball outside?" Then the player is all, "recess?" "Yes, recess." Literally, the first #$@&ing 30 minutes of every one of my meetings goes like this.
RJG: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
BC: Or is it?
RJG: You just blew my mind, Bronny Cash.
BC: You're welcome.
RJG: Holy $#!%.
BC: And my work here is done.
RJG: It's not all about you, Bronny.
There you have it folks. The Yankees are confident that Cliff Lee will be happy with at least two of the three contract proposals currently before him.