Important Blog Update

My brother arrived here in England today for a two week (approximately) visit. During this visit updates may be a little more sparse as we have important business to attend to. We recently discovered that we are descended from an ancient royal lineage (as our last name would indicate, that of Alexander the Great). As such, we will be heading down to London on Thursday to challenge the royal family for the crown of England. We don't expect much resistance.

As such I will have to predict the next few days of Yankees related news. By Saturday, the Yanks will have played 5 or 6 more games (thank you split squads). You will have lost count largely due to lack of interest. Ace will still be the leading candidate for our fifth rotation spot, and the Yanks will announce a new coronation ceremony to take place in the Bronx some time in July. A-Rod will still be dodging questions about Dr. Tony Galea, and the Feds will still not have interviewed him. There will be news stories about how angry the Yankees brass is with Rodriguez, and public statements denying the veracity of those stories. Then, out of nowhere, A-Rod will hold another press conference; this time unveiling his new "Jeterlike" haircut. The ensuing controversy will threaten to undo the Yankees and the quest for 28. Then Swisher will regrow his Swish-hawk and turn the tide of history, ushering in a new Yankees dynasty.

By then, the Alejandrian Era in the UK will be well underway. Not much will have changed, or everything will have changed! Now you can sleep more easily at night.

Uh-oh

So it turns out that A-Rod was treated by Dr. Galea of HGH fame (here). Supposedly he only prescribed anti-inflammatories, but that's according to a guy who tried to have one of his assistants sneak HGH into the country. The Yankees had previously distanced themselves from Dr. Galea, claiming that he had not been authorized by them to treat Rodriguez post-hip surgery. At first it seemed that the only link between A-Rod and Galea was A-Rod's post-op chiropractor, Mark Lindsay (I may have misspelled that). Now Galea is claiming that he indeed treated A-Rod after his hip surgery. If it comes out that A-Rod used HGH "to get healthy" after having surgery, that may be the end of any love affair Yankee fans will have ever had with him. I don't want to jump to that conclusion, but this just got messy.

Spring Training Just Got Interesting

After helping the Yankees win their 27th Championship, Jose Molina was not resigned by the Yankees, replaced instead by Johnny-come-lately Francisco "I'm going to take your job next year" Cervelli. Molina, interviewed yesterday, mentioned the fact that he "taught [Cervelli] everything I know." Molina was behind the plate yesterday in a game where Cervelli took a fastball off the helmet, leaving him with a concussion. Coincidence? Molina could be heard from the parking lot yelling, "Is this how you repay me!" Let's just say the next Toronto-Yankees game should be interesting. Jamie Hoffman has already vowed to slide hard on any hit, flyball, routine grounder, or strike out.

Then, this morning, the Daily News released a column by Jon Harper in which he profiles CC Sabathia. The column ends with a quote from Sabathia, in which he states, "After getting a taste of winning in New York, and all the history, I don't know why anyone would leave." That was clearly a shot at Alex Rodriguez for opting out of his Contract with New York a year before Sabathia even signed with the team. And while that may seem a rash conclusion, there is nothing else going on in baseball right now, so shut up about it.

Zito Settles Score With Fielder, but Still Sucks

Yesterday, Giants pitcher Barry Zito settled the score with Brewers first baseman, Prince Fielder when he plunked him in the back. The score began last season when Prince Fielder hit a walk-off homerun and met his teammates at home plate for an unusually awesome homerun celebration. The Giants on the other hand did not appreciate its awesomeness.

"I don't know how they get off doing that." Explained Barry Zito. "They're doing some homerun celebration like this was some game kids play on a warm summer's day."

Distraught by the celebration, Zito took matters into his hands.

"I knew I had to get him good." Said Zito. "So I really dialed up the fastball, I think I got it up to like 75 or 76 mph. You can tell I'm mad when I throw that hard."

Fielder did not seem too fazed by the plunking, even flipping the ball back to Zito after getting hit.

"No, I really appreciated the gesture." Said Fielder. "If they were really serious, they would have tried to beat us in a meaningful game. Instead they showed it wasn't personal, by beaming me in a meaningless spring training game."

Nick Johnson, Already Hurt

Nick Johnson hurt his back taking BP yesterday, pretty much obliterating the Yankees' theory that limiting him to DH duty would likely keep him healthy. Apparently, Johnson is so fragile, Carl Pavano regularly calls him up to offer words of advice on staying healthy. It's not a good start to the spring for Johnson, who luckily managed not to injure his wrist in the Skee ball competition from a few days ago. Only time will tell whether Johnson can stay off the DL during the regular season for a long enough to stretch to make an impact. Right now, it's not looking good for that 2011 option.

Something That Looked Like Baseball Happened Yesterday

The Yankees had their first spring training game yesterday, besting the Pittsburgh Pirates with a walk-off 3-run homerun by Colin Curtis. Among the other highlights were a combined 6 scoreless innings by a trio of 5th starter hopefuls, Gaudin, Mitre, and Aceves. Royce Ring pitched 1.1 innings with 2 strikeouts after Albaladejo gave up 3 runs without recording an out.

"It was a great game." Explained Ring. "I was all like 'fwoooosh!'" He said describing the sound his fastball made.

Ring was not the only one excited to be back in baseball mode.

"You should have seen it!" Explained a visibly excited Nick Johnson. "That ball came into my wheel house and I was all like 'Bladow!' for a double. It was great!"

"Man I was so happy to get back to playing baseball." Said Mark Teixeira. "After waiting a few months I finally got two at bats. I savored each one. I wasn't even interested in getting a hit, I just liked hearing the ball be all like 'fwoooosh!'."

The Yankees had a great start to spring training, and today they will continue their schedule. We're starting to see something that looks like baseball!

Spring Training Games Without Injury: 1

Ummmmm

So A-Rod will likely be interviewed by the Feds about Dr. Tony Galea as part of the FBIs investigation of Galea's attempted PED smuggling caper. A-Rod's sole connection to Galea seems to be that he was treated by a chiropractor, on the recommendation of Dr. Mark Philippon, his hip surgeon, who worked with Dr. Galea in Canada.

Then Bronny makes this statement, reported on the Daily News blog, indicating that he knew of none of his players being treated by Galea and that the Yankees had never done business with him.

But this raises an issue, since Galea is known for pioneering platelet-rich plasma replacement therapy, a procedure performed on Xavier Nady last season as he attempted to come back from his elbow injury (here and here). It is not clear who performed this procedure on Nady, but I'm willing to bet he went to the source. As we learned from the Mets-Beltran knee surgery fiasco, teams generally have to approve of medical procedures before their players receive treatment, so the Yankees may need to exercise a bit more caution in their public statements about what dealings they've had with Mr. Galea.

Of course, it's not that I think the Yankees have any connection to Dr. Galea's tendency to carry large amounts of HGH in his first aid kit, nor that A-Rod does. But still, one has to be careful.

Yankees Outing A Huge Mistake

Yankees Manager Joe Girardi thought he could keep playing with fire and not get burned. For the second year in a row, Girardi took his team out to a local venue in a misguided attempt to build unity. But you can only put a bunch of type A competitive personalities in fierce video game battle for so long before it all goes horribly wrong.

"We were playing Street Fighter, and I'm talking the original Street Fighter, and I was winning," explained a teary eyed Phil Hughes. "I was all like, 'Haduken!' And so Joba just turned reached around the back of the machine and unplugged it. I told Joe but he was all, 'nobody likes a tattle tale, Phil.' It's like, why do I even try for this guy? You know?"

Other games didn't go much better. "They had an old N-64 in the back, hooked up to a TV and we were playing Bond," related a clearly annoyed Jorge Posada. "I just woke up and I didn't have a gun or body armor or anything! Then A-Rod came around the corner and starts shooting at me. All I could do was slap at him helplessly and yell that I didn't even have a gun yet, but he just laughed and kept shooting. So I say, 'see, this is why you'll never be like Jeter.' Then he just turned the game off and stormed off. I don't think he's in camp today."

A-Rod isn't the only player missing after Yesterday's outing. After a disappointing showing in the Skee ball tournament, Curtis Granderson explained that, "I used to be good at Skee ball, but I was really disappointed at myself for my performance. I’ll need to go back and figure out this Skee ball machine compared to the ones I used to play."

Early this morning, Granderson notified the Yankees that he would not be reporting to camp for the next three days because of a personal matter. The Yankees, however, have not granted Granderson leave from camp, as his "personal matter" is him being holed up in that arcade studying the contours of the Skee ball machine.

"I can't leave until I've figured this thing out," said Granderson. "It's just my competitive nature. I've been watching video of my performance and studying how the ball moves on this machine. I've been on the phone every twenty minutes with K-Long. He hasn't been much help."

Girardi knows it will be up to him to smooth over the hurt feelings after Yesterday's outing. Only time will tell whether this most recent controversy will consume the Yankees or help bring them closer together, propelling them to a 28th championship.

A-Rod Meets With Federal Investigators

Yankees 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez is meeting with federal investigators over a Canadian doctor who has been connected to PED use. Though Alex could not say much to the media about this on going investigation, we at the Respect Jeter's Gangster blog were able to attain a copy of the recorded interview from the Feds. The following is a transcribed segment of the interview:

Fed 1: Tell us what you know about Doctor Tony Galea.

A-Rod: He's a Canadian doctor linked to performance enhancers.

Fed 1: What kinds are we talking about?

A-Rod: Word on the street is that Tony is dealing in heavy stuff. Enriched steroidium and stuff like that. There's one thing he's working on that's truly terrifying. It would create an army of super humans capable of competing at the highest levels possible. We're not talking about enhancing humans anymore, we're talking about super humans. Like if Wolverine and Superman had a baby together, that's what these humans would be like.

Fed 1: Could Wolverine and Superman have a baby together, that seems flawed?

A-Rod: I didn't mean it literally, obviously one would have to be a woman for that to work.

Fed 1: No, I meant that I just don't see them really falling in love you know? I don't think that relationship would work. Like Wolverine is kind of surly and mean, and Superman is more of your typical hero type. They're from different planets, and their upbringing was totally different. I mean, what do they have in common?

Fed 2: Actually, they're both hero's so they could have that in common.

Fed 1: But it doesn't take away from the fact that their personalities wouldn't match, and the obvious problem that their both male, and can't reproduce.

Fed 2: Wait, are you saying that Superman is sterile?

A-Rod: Guys, it was just an analogy. If its better for you think Wolverine and Wonder Woman.

Fed 1: I don't see that working either. Wonder Woman wouldn't put up with his attitudes all the time, and she has that lasso of truth...

Fed 2: Hold on, where did you get that Superman was sterile? I never read that.

A-Rod: I think you two are getting caught up in the analogy too much, I'm just saying that its an incredible super human thats being created here.

Fed 1: It would be easier for me if we matched Superman and Wonder Woman.

A-Rod: Fine. Superman and Wonder Woman's child is what Tony's working on.

Fed 2: But you just said Superman couldn't have babies. The analogy still doesn't work.

Fed 1: No, Superman can have babies.

Fed 2: So Wolverine is sterile?

A-Rod: Guys, you're missing the point.

Fed 1: No wait, I think we should explore this. Have we ever seen Wolverine have babies? And how old is he? 150 or something? 150 and never had a child?

A-Rod: Forget Wolverine! Were talking about Doctor Galea. We're settling on Superman and Wonder Woman, and in this analogy Superman and Wonder Woman are both capable of producing children.

Fed 2: When you say they're both capable of producing children, do you mean like in a lab?

Fed 1: Yeah, is Tony Galea cloning humans? We may need to move on this quicker than we thought.

A-Rod: No, he's not cloning humans.

Fed 1: You know you're under oath right? You can't lie to us.

A-Rod: I'm not lieing to you! He's not cloning!

Fed 2: But you said Wolverine was dating Superman, and that wasn't true, was it?

A-Rod: You're really stuck on this analogy.

Fed 2: No, I'm really asking, was it true?

A-Rod: Oh dear.

Fed 1: If Batman and Ironman had a baby together, I suppose it would just be a human right?

A-Rod: I seriously regret using a superhero analogy.

Fed 2: That's a good point. That would be the lamest superhero child ever. He'd be enrolled at like a private schools, and play the violin and crap like that.

Fed 1: Yeah, he'd be a real dork.

Fed 2: But maybe not. If they had a child together we'd have to assume they adopted, since we have the same problem as with Superman and Wolverine.

Fed 1: What if they adopt Superman and Wonder Woman's child, and then Ironman and Batman's child has more superpowers than they do? Like, they would say "Take out the trash." and the child would be like "Make me...humans." and what could they do?

A-Rod: Guys. Focus. Tony Galea, super humans, performance enhancers. Lets get to it.

Fed 1: Does my hair make me look like Jeter?

(End Transcript)

The investigation continues to progress, and we can only hope it will not distract A-Rod from having another succesful year.

Chan Ho Park Appears in Camp...Drunk

The Yankees signed Chan Ho Park some time ago, but nothing seemed official until he finally showed up in camp a few days back. Park met with the media to reveal what he had been doing in this time, but unfortunately showed up sloppy drunk.

"Who wants to fight me?! You?! Huh!!?! I love all of you." Explained Park.

When asked where he's been and what he's been doing over the past few days, Park slurred:

"You want to ask questions?! There will be trouble to pay! You sir! Pass me the Heineken."

When asked if he was excited to play for the Yankees, Park harnessed every ounce of sobriety left in his body and regained his composure.

"(Expletive Deleted) you!"

It appears Park is excited to pitch this season.