Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Hmm...

Perhaps it's time to initiate some trade discussions?

Colon Defeats the As

The Good

Bartolo Colon went nine innings, shutting out the As. They were so shut out at their own park that they thought the MLBPA was striking in solidarity with the NFLPA. Teixeira hit another home run, too.

The Bad

The Athletics no longer allow monkey knife fights in the concourses of their stadium, forcing helpless fans to watch the As instead.

The Ugly

Teixeira is now tied for the team lead in home runs with Curtis Granderson, who hasn't hit a home run since he was compared to Jose Bautista during the recent Toronto series. Sources inside the clubhouse say Granderson is fuming about having lost the home run lead, and that Teixeira has been warned to watch his back. We will update you on any and all developments as they occur.

Jonrrones

Teixeira hit another home run to add $2 to the CHF coffers. Good for him!

Mark Teixeira 16hr = $32
Curtis Granderson 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 4hr = $8
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 3hr = $6
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $154

Monday, May 30, 2011

Yanks Try to Build Momentum With Win in Finale

The Good

I'm so late in getting this game review up, that it doesn't really matter what I say. Granted, I make half of this $#!% up anyway, so it never matters anyway. But the Yankees are already playing their next game, so it really doesn't matter today.

The Bad

You've already committed to reading this review, so you're still going. You're saying to yourself, 'maybe he'll say something about the game eventually'. I guess you'll just have to keep reading.

The Ugly

Holy $#!%, are you still reading? WTF is wrong with you?

Quadrangulares

Someone had a home run but I'm not going to say who. You're just going to have to compare the last two game posts and see whose home run total is different. Bwahaha!

Mark Teixeira 15hr = $30
Curtis Granderson 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 4hr = $8
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 3hr = $6
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $152

Sunday, May 29, 2011

2 Games, 2 Losses, 2 Crappy

The Good

Hector Noesi continues to impress in his long relief role. The Yankees have been getting a good amount of homeruns including contributions from Cano, who went 3-5 yesterday and Teixeira who hit a homerun in both games.

The Bad

The bullpen has been giving up our leads of late. On Friday it was Logan and Ayala who combined to give the game away, and last night it was the heartbreaking efforts of Mariano Rivera. "I was trying to invent a new pitch." Explained Mariano. "It doesn't work."

Indeed.

The Ugly

A combined 8.2 innings from our starters in these two games is no good. Burnett limited damage and managed to get through 5 innings, but Nova gave up 4 runs in 3.2 innings of work. We can blame the bullpen, but we need more from our starters if we're going to get anywhere.

You Can Keep the Losses But We'll Take the Homeruns

3 homeruns so far this weekend, 1 from Cano and 2 from Teixeira. That's six more dollars for the Children's Health Fund to get these babies healthy again.

Mark Teixeira 15hr = $30
Curtis Granderson 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 10hr = $20
Andruw Jones 4hr = $8
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $150

Friday, May 27, 2011

Off Days Lead to Reflections, Reflections Lead to Anger

When the Yankees have an off day, the fans have a lot of time on their hands to reflect on all things important in life. Inevitably, this reflection leads to the Yankees bullpen, which leads to Rafael Soriano. It was recently reported that Soriano has an inflammed ligament in his elbow and he will be out 6-8 weeks. This takes me back to the winter when Soriano was available on the market and everyone with a reasonable mind was saying that the Yankees should not get him. He'd be a classic example of buying high, he has a history of injury, he'll demand closer money, and as a type A free agent we'll lose our first round draft pick. Clearly, the Yankees would not be stupid enough to sign this guy to pitch the 8th inning right? Right Hal? Well now, he's out for 2 months in his first year of a 3-year $35 million contract. We indeed paid closer money on a pitcher coming off his best season (buying high), and what have we gotten? Thus far a 5.40 ERA, and more blown holds than a $35 million pitcher should have. I'm not mad at Soriano, because if I were in his shoes, I'd sign that contract every time. The Yankees front office takes this one. I may not agree with how Cashman handled the Posada situation, but the front office needed to listen to him on that. So far, the only reason the Yankees are even in contention is because of the thrift store shopping Cashman pulled off this off season, and Cashman was clear that he did not want to sign Soriano. Where would this team be without Russel Martin, Bartolo Colon, and Freddy Garcia? And lets not forget the Granderson trade from last season. The front office should learn to just sign the checks, and let their general manager find the players to give them to.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Yankees Pummel Jays Because They Can, Not Because They Want To

The Good

Three runs and 6.1 innings from Garcia is good. Two home runs from Andruw Jones and another from Teixeira is also good. Scoring seven runs is good. Winning another series at home is good.

The Bad

Soriano is out for six to eight weeks. This could have been worse, so it's just bad for now. I suspect come August he will be in need of surgery.

The Ugly

Jo-Jo Reyes lasted only three innings. "Look, they were going to score runs off of me anyway," explained Reyes. "You might as well go out there and give them up quickly. Nobody wants to wait around all day until you give up your runs. I needed to go out there and do my job as efficiently as possible. My job is to give up runs. That's what I did."

Told that was not in any way his job, Reyes responded, "Well that can't be good."

More Home Runs Than Your Team

The Yankees hit another three home runs today. $6 more for the kids.

Mark Teixeira 13hr = $26
Curtis Granderson 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 4hr = $8
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $150

Yanks Even Series Against Jays

The Good

That Granderson trade is looking almost as brilliant as the Soriano signing is looking stupid. Remember when we were all, "Granderson's good, but AJax is the future! He's the greatest phenom of all-time and we just gave him away!"? We're eating those words now. That's embarrassing but good. Sabathia throwing a complete game was also good.

The Bad

Soriano has been sent to see Dr. "Tommy John" Andrews. That's bad.

The Ugly

Remember that time Cash was all, "It doesn't make sense to give closer money to a set-up guy"? This is where it gets ugly. The Yanks have now paid a pitcher $35 million to be an awkward clubhouse presence for a few weeks and then rehab. Good call guys.

Another Good Move By Cashman

Russell Martin, who signed a 1 year deal worth about what we're going to owe the CHF at the end of this year, hit another home run in the Yankees' winning effort against the Jays. $2 more for the kids.

Mark Teixeira 12hr = $24
Curtis Granderson 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $144

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Girardi's Right, We Need More Homeruns

The Good

We managed to score 3 runs with just 1 extra base hit. All 3 runs were scored by Granderson who drew 3 walks and had a stolen base in the game.

The Bad

I liked Granderson better when he was hitting homeruns. Forget the small ball, swing for the fences!

The Ugly

Despite the Yankees attempt at small ball, the Blue Jays would have no part to it. Recently discovered slugger Jose Bautista, hit a homerun in the first inning striking fear in the hearts of the Yankees for the rest of the game. From there on out it was all intentional walks and complimentary ice cream sandwiches at first base for Bautista. It begs the question how a perennial 15 homerun hitter suddenly become a 54 homerun hitter, but before any of us jump to conclusions about banned substances let us remember all the natural ways homerun hitters were able to hit the long ball: flax seed oil, vitamin B12 injections, creatine, whey protein and the Bambino special fast living with lots of alcohol. The latter was also endorsed by Mickey Mantle.

Yankees Take Break From Long Ball, but Sickness Never Sleeps

No long balls for the Yankees last night as they tried to respond to recent allegations that they only knew how to score with homeruns. The Yankees proved that they could score without homeruns last night, but it didn't mean they could win.

Mark Teixeira 12hr = $24
Curtis Granderson 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $142

Monday, May 23, 2011

Yanks Take First Subway Series

The Good

The Yanks scored 8 runs in the seventh inning, all on bunts. Nova, who had a shaky first, settled down and gave the Yankees 6.2 innings of 3 run ball. The bullpen kept the Mets scoreless the rest of the way.

The Bad

The Yankees used to preach playing nine innings of baseball. Now they play only one.

The Ugly

Granderson hit another solo shot in the first. He was immediately chided by Joe Girardi, who insisted that the Yankees only score on infield hits, suicide squeezes, bunts, and balks.

Make Money, Money (Go Shopping)

Oh Gang Starr, why did you ever record that song? Another home run from Granderson means another $2 for the kids. Nice.

Mark Teixeira 12hr = $24
Curtis Granderson 16hr = $32
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $142

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Yanks Even Series

The Good

Everyone on the team hit a home run. Twice. Burnett didn't implode in the first, and gave the team 6.1 innings, allowing only three runs.

The Bad

Only one Yankee run was scored without a home run. But is that the Yankees' fault or Capuano's? It seems to me it's Capuano's.

The Ugly

The Yankees are no national league offense. They don't manufacture runs, they collateralize pitch obligations. Many Mets, accustomed to a very different style of baseball in the NL, were caught off-guard by the Yankee onslaught.

"When they hit that first ball over the wall, I was all, 'well I'm not getting it,'" explained Mets center fielder Jason Pridie. "But nobody goes and gets it. I guess they call it a home . . . a home . . . a home something. I guess because if you hit one at home you don't have to get the ball? Maybe that's why they keep doing it. When I saw the ball go over the wall in the second, I figured the game was over. Turns out it was."

Getting Paid, Getting Paid

Martin, Teixeira, Granderson, and Rodriguez all had homers, as did the entire 40 man roster. $8 more for the kids.

Mark Teixeira 12hr = $24
Curtis Granderson 15hr = $30
Russell Martin 9hr = $18
Alex Rodriguez 9hr = $18
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $140

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Yanks Go Out of Way to Make Garcia Sad

The Good

Freddy Garcia went seven innings, allowing only two runs. Chamberlain and Robertson both followed with scoreless innings of their own. Teixeira snuck a home run over the right field wall.

The Bad

One run was all the Yankees could muster against R.A. Dickey and the Mets. "R.A. Who?" you ask? Yes. R.A. Who.

The Ugly

It may be that the pending investigation into child abuse against the Yankees by Baltimore Social Services and the Maryland County DA may have been weighing heavily on the Yanks.

"If they file charges, we can't go back to Baltimore," explained Joe Girardi. "Those are automatic wins. Automatic! We can't lose those! I don't think any of us slept last night."

The offense seems to have slept instead during the game.

Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh Baby

That's right, a Carpenter's reference. You know you love that song! You really do! (Damn, I just hit you with another one). Teixeira's utterly pointless solo shot is redeemed by our charitable efforts. $2 more for the babies.

Mark Teixeira 11hr = $22
Curtis Granderson 14hr = $28
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 8hr = $16
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $132

Friday, May 20, 2011

Social Services Investigates Yankees

The Good

A three game win streak, and every member of the Yankees organization, at every level, scored at least one run. Teixeira and Nunez both hit home runs.

The Bad

The Yankees laid a beating on the Orioles. A bad beating. The Orioles are just kids, with 90% of their roster under the age of 17. That's not good.

The Ugly

Baltimore Social Services has opened an investigation of the Yankees. Reports of child abuse cannot go ignored, and the Maryland County prosecutor's office is monitoring the investigation. This can't be good.

Babies Get Paid Crazy

Well . . . not that crazy. Two home runs means $4 more.

Mark Teixeira 10hr = $20
Curtis Granderson 14hr = $28
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 8hr = $16
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Eduardo Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $130

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Yankees Remember That Noesi's on the Roster

The Good

This game was all about pitching. Bartolo Colon pitched 8 shutout innings, and sitting at 87 pitches he probably could have pitched the 9th, but you can't fault Girardi for bringing in Mo. Except we're Yankee fans so we will fault him. Let Colon finish the game! Hector Noesi made his major league debut with 4 shutout innings of his own with 4 strikeouts. He somehow limited the damage while giving up 4 hits and 4 walks, but that's the beauty of baseball. Another good sign is that the Yankees didn't have to hit a homerun to win the game. They really had to produce these runs with guile and malacious winks aimed at their enemies.

The Bad

15 innings to beat the Orioles, really? 8 shutout innings couldn't get it done?

The Ugly

Chris Dickerson was hit in the head by a Mike Gonzalez pitch. Gonzalez was ejected but its hard to think that it was intentional. Its scary when a player gets hit in the head like that, and we hope Dickerson is okay.

No Homeruns, but We'll Take the Win

It was a hard earned win, and its good that the Yankees found a way to win without having to hit the long ball. Good for the Yankees, but not good for the kids. Life isn't always fair.

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 14hr = $28
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 8hr = $16
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $126

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

New Sunflower Seeds Lead to A-Rod's Breakout

The Good

One day after RJG's breaking news story of the generic sunflower seeds being interspersed with muscle relaxants and causing the lack of offense, the Yankees have remedied the situation and have begun to hit. No one eats more sunflower seeds than Alex Rodriguez, and his offense yesterday showed it. A-Rod went 2-4 with 2 homeruns. Also positive is that Brett Gardner laid down a bunt as part of a 3-4 night. Even Posada got in on the resurgence with a 2-3 performance with a double.

Much props have to go to Ivan Nova for bouncing back from a terrible outing against Kansas City where he lasted 3 innings. Nova allowed 1 run over 5.1 innings. He left the game with the bases loaded in the 6th, but Dave Robertson came in and struck out Upton and Kotchman to end the inning.

"I feel so relaxed in those situations." Explained Robertson. "But then again I saved some of those sunflower seeds from yesterday."

The Bad

Curtis Granderson went 0-5 which means that when he's hitting the rest of the offense is not, and when the rest of the offense is hitting, he is not. Its just not fair.

The Ugly

Amauri Sanit came in for mop up duty, but after giving up a run and narrowing the lead to a paltry 4 runs, Girardi had had enough. Girardi called in Mo who was already driving back to the hotel. People thought it strange that when Rothchild went to make the bullpen call he used his cell phone. After a 20 minute "warm up" delay, Mariano showed up in jeans and a t-shirt, and got the final out. Best non-save performance ever.

A-Rod Stops Being Stingy

After holding out for several weeks now, A-Rod finally relented for the sake of the children. 2 A-Rod homeruns means $4 from the RJG to the Children's Health Fund.

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 14hr = $28
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 8hr = $16
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $126

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Source of Slumping Offense Discovered

Though it took some time to get to the bottom of the problem, the source of the slumping offense was finally discovered late Monday evening by a clubhouse attendant.

"Earlier in the season the front office decided that we were spending too much money on clubhouse snacks. To help supplement Soriano's contract they decided to go with a generic brand of sunflower seeds."

Though the cost of the generic brand of sunflower seeds saved the Yankees at least one of Soriano's opt out clauses, it came with some severe side effects.

"Every time the guys would eat them, they'd become overly relaxed and tired. Lethargic, and uninspired, kind of the way you've seen them at the plate of late. And that's when I thought to look at the sunflower seed packages." Explained the clubhouse source.

What he found still surprises the Yankees.

"I read the package and it says on it 'May have been processed on machinery that also processes muscle relaxants. Sorry.' When I opened up the pack, I'm pretty sure there were muscle relaxant pills interspersed with sunflower seeds."

"I thought it was strange that my sunflower seeds had numbers and letters written on them." Explained Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira. "But if you don't eat them, what else will you eat?"

Among those eating the tainted sunflower seeds includes everyone, but Curtis Granderson. "I don't eat sunflower seeds, I eat sunflowers. They're yellow, and big, so they're filling."

The Yankee front office does not seem pleased with the explanation however.

"Its not okay for our entire lineup to be eating muscle relaxants like they were sunflower seeds." Explained Yankees Co-Chairman Hal Steinbrenner.

However, the Yankees captain, Derek Jeter stuck by his teammates. "When you buy muscle relaxant sunflower seeds, we're going to eat muscle relaxant sunflower seeds. We just need to return them and move on. I've decided to start eating sunflowers myself. They're yellow and big so they're filling."

Whatever the case, the problem has been solved. The Yankees can now focus on what they do best, load up on offense and stir up controversy between iconic players and the front office.

Yankees-Posada Fued Getting Worse

Two days after Posada asked out of the line-up, and one day after Posada apologized, anonymous "team sources" have informed the Daily News that Posada not simply asked out of the line-up but off the team. Not only that, but he did so amid a flood of F-bombs. Further, the Yankees have put forth the seemingly unlikely story that Posada refused to catch during Spring Training over concerns about past concussion symptoms.

That it gets out that Posada, in a moment of frustration, asked off the team doesn't bother me. But the need to point out that this was done "amid a flood of F-bombs" is little more than a petty attempt to embarrass Posada. To claim a guy who has made it clear he would still like to catch refused to catch, is another such attempt. The Yankees front office seems intent on winning the public perception battle, as they were last winter during the Jeter negotiations. These tidbits are almost certainly coming out only because "team sources" were authorized to reveal them. If Posada is the guy who tried to curse his way off the team and refused to catch, then it's that much easier to drop him in the line-up, release him later, or exile him to the bench.

If you're wondering why neither Jeter or Posada seem to have much good will toward the front office, it's because of things like this. Petty attempts to embarrass players who, while they may certainly no longer be particularly effective, have built the brand that is the Yankees today. The Yankees were not perennial contenders before 1996. Guys like Jeter and Posada (and others) made them so. They deserve better.

Yanks Drop Another One

The Good

Granderson hit a home run and the offense put up five runs. That needs to be enough. The bullpen pitched well.

The Bad

Burnett blowing the lead in the sixth was bad. But worse, Burnett got a tattoo to commemorate the game.

The Ugly

After the game, Cashman could be seen plotting his revenge against Jeter and Posada in the corner of the room. He had pulled his cape over the lower half of his face so that you could only see his eyes as they darted around the room while he laughed maniacally. Then Joe Girardi came out of his office and told Cash that Girardi's son needed his cape back. Cash was not pleased.

Something for Nothing

The Yankees didn't win, but the kids get paid anyways. Granderson's home run means $2 more.

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 14hr = $28
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 6hr = $12
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $122

Monday, May 16, 2011

Yankees Mad at Jeter

According to this ESPN article the Yankees were upset at Jeter for letting Jorge Posada off the hook for taking himself out of the lineup on Saturday. Despite the fact that Posada already apologized to Girardi and the front office for it, and has committed himself to playing, the front office seems unable to let it go. All Jeter said was that he didn't feel Posada owed the teammates an apology, that Posada had hit a low point, and basically that they were ready to move on. And move on is what the front office should have done. But if this article is true, then the front office couldn't let it go, and is now making a contemptuous situation even worse. According to Chad Jennings at the Journal News, Jeter basically told everyone that the Yankees and him were on the same page. But that could just be Jeter's media savvy talking. Whatever the case, lets hope this story dies out before it becomes a real distraction. They need to focus all their energy on solving the mystery of the missing offense.

Swept at Home

The Good

Curtis Granderson continues to defy the teams rule of ineffectiveness, with a two-run homerun. Martin drew 3 walks which is cool I guess.

The Bad

Freddy Garcia's start lasted 5.1 innings in which he allowed 5 runs (4 earned). Its hard to get out of that sort of rut when the Yankees bats appear to be made out of lead.

The Ugly

The errors have to take this. Brett Gardner had some nice plays in the field, but his pop up bunt attempt, and his getting picked off trying to steal seems to stand out just as much. A-Rod let a double play ball slip under his legs, and Russell Martin couldn't handle splitter from Garcia, all of which hurt the Yankees in the end.

Homeruns for Hope

Because they're not for winning ballgames. Curtis Granderson and Russell Martin hit homeruns to help the Children's Health Fund care for the children. $4 more for the babies.

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 13hr = $26
Russell Martin 8hr = $16
Alex Rodriguez 6hr = $12
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $120

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Yanks Seek Revenge, Met With Wrath

The Good

There's another game today.

The Bad

Pretty much everything about this game. Sabathia giving up six runs is hardly "keeping us in the game." The offense scoring zero runs is hardly "putting up a fight." A 1-4 record against a division rival is also not good.

The Ugly

This whole Posada situation is ugly. His batting average is way down. Ugly down. Batting him ninth is ugly. Asking to take the day off is ugly. The only thing I can say right now is that I'm glad Bernie Williams got offered a minor league deal once upon a time that he had to refuse. This is how it goes down otherwise. The reality is, considering how Cash is, Posada could be released at some point if he doesn't turn it around. He will not be given the same slack Jeter will, regardless of his legacy on this team. It's ugly. It's unfair. It's professional sports.

Protest Hurts Children

The Yankees line-up has sent a clear message to Joe Girardi in a show of labor solidarity: if Posada bats ninth, none of us will hit. Unfortunately the children are the real victims here.

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 12hr = $24
Russell Martin 7hr = $14
Alex Rodriguez 6hr = $12
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $116

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Yankees Lose First Game. Seek Revenge.

The Good

Colon pitched a 6 inning 3 run (2 earned) game, allowing the Yankees every opportunity to take the ball game. Martin temporarily gave the Yankees hope with a two-run homerun to tie the game in the 5th, but it wasn't meant to be.

The Bad

Another quality start waisted by the offense. Plenty of opportunities passed by as the Yankees put runners on base, got them into scoring position but then couldn't bring them home. Then they had the audacity to give us hope in the 9th by scoring Jeter and bringing us within a run of tying it. With the tying run on base, Mark Teixeira popped up to end the game.

The Ugly

The ugliest part of the game had to be the 8th inning rally that Bard ended up quelling. We had A-Rod and Cano on first and second, and they completed a double steal putting both in scoring position. 1 out, 2 runners in scoring position, Nick Swisher and Jorge Posada up to bat. Well Nick Swisher chased the high heat to strike out, bringing up Posada. Posada took 3 balls, putting him in the best hitters count possible. He took strike one, a pitch down the middle. Its debatable whether you really want Posada with his .165 batting average swinging on the 3-0, but anyways he took the pitch. At 3-1 Bard put another fastball right down the middle. It was hard (98mph if I remember correctly), but right down the center of the plate. That was the pitch, and Posada didn't swing. The next pitch he hit a groundball to second to end the inning. You have to bring those guys home, but the Yankees have been struggling to do that of late.

Martin Cares

The Yankees as a whole haven't given us much to cheer about of late, but you can always cheer the long ball, especially when it gives $2 to the children. Money pledged to the Children's Health Fund's Homerun Club thus far:

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 12hr = $24
Russell Martin 7hr = $14
Alex Rodriguez 6hr = $12
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 9hr = $18
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $116

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Royals Can't Stave Off Yankees, Yankees Can't Stave Off Melky

The Good

Jeter continued his rebound with a pair of hits driving in the Yankees first RBI. A-Rod drove in two runs with a single to break the tie. Garcia had 6 innings of 1 run ball, and the Yankees built an effective bridge using Robertson-Chamberlain-Rivera to keep a 2-run lead out of the reach of the slugging Royals.

The Bad

Melky stepped up to bat in the 4th inning still feeling hurt by the Yankees betrayal in trading him to the Braves. Closing his eyes to fight back the tears, he swung the bat as hard as he could and took Freddy Garcia long in Kaufman Stadium. As he rounded the bases Melky looked at Brian Cashman in the visitors booth and yelled: "Me to the Braves for Javier Vasquez?! Really?!" Brian Cashman hung his head in shame.

The Ugly

We won, but it was against the Royals, and even then we struggled.

No Homers in Cavernous Kaufman

Well at least no homers for the Yankees. Maybe today someone will consider the children. Maybe.

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 11hr = $22
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $108

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Rule of 30 Revisited

For some reason, this weekend I was thinking about the rule of 30. This is the rule with young pitchers that if you increase their workload from one season to the next by more than 30 innings, you are putting them at high risk for injury. You saw this play out most famously with Kerry Wood and Mark Prior for the Cubs. Two promising young starters, one of which is now in our minor league system hoping to stay healthy and get a call up. The problem I have is that I couldn't help notice that pitchers in the past would regularly increase their workload and not suffer the same problems. For example, Bob Gibson threw 75.2 innings his rookie year, then 86.2 the following year. That number jumped to 211.1 the following season, which would blow away the rule of 30, but you don't see Gibson fall apart. The next 5 seasons after that he doesn't pitch less than 233 innings. Warren Spahn threw 125.2 innings after taking a three year hiatus, I assume for the war. He then threw 289.2 the next season. Again you don't see him fall apart. He throws 257 innings the following year, 302.1 the next year, and goes on for another 12 seasons pitching at least 245.2 innings in each one. Mel Stottlemyre went from 96 innings in '64 to 291 innings in '65. Again, no break down. Now I know there are exceptions to every rule, but the more starters I look at from that era, the more you see the rule of 30 not applying.

One thing I did notice however was that the average age of these starters their first season was about 23 or 24, where as Kerry Wood, and Mark Prior were about 21 and 22 respectively. I wonder if its trying to rush these high school and college kids through the system that makes the rule of 30 true. Otherwise I have no idea how to account for increasing workloads by 100 innings for pitchers in the 60's and not seeing the rule of 30 take any effect. What do you all think?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Wow, That Got Out of Hand Quick

The Good

Jeter, it turns out, can still hit. At least in day games played in the Texas heat. Two home runs and four hits. Cervelli hit a grand slam, joining the Yankee home run party that we call the 2011 regular season. Granderson and Teixeira also had home runs.

The Bad

CC gave up five runs in six innings. Only three of them were earned, so I guess technically that is that most wonderful of arbitrary designations, a quality start. But few who watched this game would call CC's start "quality."

The Ugly

As Francisco Cervelli rounded first after his grand slam, he fist pumped. Not a regular fist pump. Not even a Joba fist pump. A Cervelli fist pump. An entirely new, and heretofore unknown, category of fist pump. The Rangers have filed a complaint with the MLB Commissioner's Office, contesting the grand slam and game result.

I Lost Count

Literally. The Yankees had five home runs in this game and have now scored a whopping 1,000,000% of their runs off of home runs this season. Simply amazing. $10 more for the kiddos.

Mark Teixeira 9hr = $18
Curtis Granderson 11hr = $22
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Francisco Cervelli 1hr = $2
Total = $108

Colon Seeks to Reassure Hughes

The Good

With Nova quickly becoming our second-best pitcher, and with Garcia and Colon pitching well, it is not clear where Hughes would fit into the rotation once his stint on the DL with an invented injury is over. But Colon, ever the consummate gentleman, has reassured Hughes that his spot will be there when he gets back with today's brutally awful performance. What a teammate!

The Bad

Nick Swisher tied the game with a home run in the sixth but was oddly displeased with the result. "I was trying to loop it foul," explained Swisher. "I really like it when that happens, but it didn't happen at all. It just went out. Bull$#!%."

The Ugly

Boone Logan, whom you may remember from last year since I'm pretty sure he hasn't pitched this year, gave up the lead in the sixth after the Yankees had clawed their way back to tie the game. "I thought we'd tie it again, so it didn't really matter how I pitched," explained Logan.

Young Money

Swish was the only one looking out for the kids yesterday. Even if he was just trying to loop it foul. $2 more for our future.

Mark Teixeira 8hr = $16
Curtis Granderson 10hr = $20
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Total = $98

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Nova Shuts Down Rangers

The Good

Nova had his longest start of the season, giving us 7.1 innings and allowing only one unearned run. That means the Rangers scored a run but didn't earn it. It was a charity run. That run is dead to them. Granderson hit two home runs. He then proceeded to sow the name 'Pujols' into the back of his jersey.

The Bad

The Yankees do not allow names on the back of one's jersey. Granderson was stunned to find this out. "I thought the jersey's were blank so we could pick our own names," explained a still visibly upset Granderson.

The Ugly

When told he would have to remove the name from the back of his jersey, Granderson refused, pointing out the careful double stitching around each letter that represented so much effort on his part. When Girardi insisited the letters, and the double stitching, be removed, Granderson went out to center field, threw his glove over the wall, and laid down in a fetal position on the warning track. Good thing Nova induced so many ground balls.

Eight Bases

Granderson had two home runs yesterday, accounting for three of the four Yankee runs. Nobody cares about how the fourth run was scored. $4 more for the children.


Mark Teixeira 8hr = $16
Curtis Granderson 10hr = $20
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2
Total = $96

Friday, May 6, 2011

Burnett Sharp, Yankees Not

The Good/Bad

Yesterday, the good turned into the bad. Burnett was sharp yesterday going 7 innings and allowing 2 earned runs, but errors were costly, and ended up costing him an additional 3 unearned runs. So 5 runs would score off Burnett on a night where he gave up just 3 hits and 1 walk, none of those hits for extra bases. Eric Chavez hit a nice RBI triple, but then came into third limping. He was pulled from the game, and is now on the DL. Eduardo Nunez went 2-4 with an RBI showing he could hit, but he made two throwing errors showing he can't field. As I said, the good turned into the bad.

The Ugly

Where is the Yankees offense? I know it tends to dissapear from time to time, but it seemed absent the last three games. Here's hoping they recapture it in Texas.

Homers for the Babies? Not in Detroit

No homeruns yesterday or the day before as the Yankees decided collectively that healing the babies was not a priority.

Mark Teixeira 8hr = $16
Curtis Granderson 8hr = $16
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2
Total = $92

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Sabathia Not Sharp, Yankees Lose

The Good

I think its always a good sign when your pitcher doesn't have his best stuff and can still battle through 7 innings of a start. He gave up 4 runs, but that's typically not enough to bury the Yankees. Well, it was last night, but you get what I'm saying. Teixeira hit a homerun, and Posada had a pair of hits bringing his average up to a robust .167.

The Bad

Brad Penny allowed just one unearned run over 6 innings, and did so after a 23-pitch first inning. Being controlled by the post-Dodgers era Brad Penny is an insult.

The Ugly

Austin Jackson went 2-5 while Curtis Granderson went 0-4. If you only use that sample size, then clearly this was a terrible trade idea and Cashman should be ashamed.

$ for Babies

Mark Teixeira hit a homerun to donate a total of $2 from the RJG. We're hoping for a little more today.

Mark Teixeira 8hr = $16
Curtis Granderson 8hr = $16
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2
Total = $92

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Detroit Thinks Its So Clever

The Good

Bartolo Colon pitches another gem going 7 innings and allowing 3 runs. Chamberlain stole his win pitching a scoreless inning of his own, and Mariano closed it.

Also good, the Yankee offense managed to score 5 runs without hitting any homers.

The Bad

After the Yankees scored in the 9th and Chamberlain was in line for the win, he turned to Colon and said "I have just as many wins as you." As Colon turned to argue, Chamberlain continued "And no losses." Referring to Colon's loss against Boston last month. Colon hung his head in shame.

The Ugly

Though the Yankees got the win there were many missed opportunities. Apparently, instead of focusing on batting, the Yankee batters were more interested in making fun of the pitchers.

"I thought I was pitching pretty well." Explained Detroit's starter Justin Verlander. "But I don't know that they were taking me seriously. Posada came up to bat against me and was all like 'Hey Verlander, you read at a 4th grade reading level. Just like a 4th grader!' I didn't know how to respond to that."

"Yeah in my inning, there wasn't a single Yankee who tried to hit." Explained Detroit releiver Alburquerque. "The first batter I faced was like 'Hey, aren't you named after a crappy city?' Then the next guy was like 'You drive a Chrysler because you're from Detroit moron!' Then Posada yelled out to Verlander, and told him to try and read my name. Verlander was trying to sound it out like a 4th grader. His lip started quivering. It was embarrasing."

It was after that inning that the Yankees took the psychological edge, and scored twice to win the game.

Wins Count For Something, but Homers Count for the Children

Wins will get the Yankees closer to the post season, but homers get the children closer to health. A giant shame on the Yankees for denying the children health care. Obama's pissed.

Mark Teixeira 7hr = $14
Curtis Granderson 8hr = $16
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2
Total = $90

Monday, May 2, 2011

Homers Lead Way Against Blue Jays

The Good

The Yankees continue their home dominance, having yet to lose a series while in the confines of Yankee Stadium. Teixeira and Granderson both hit home runs. Nova again pitched into the seventh, allowing only two runs, which the Jays scored by magic. Cheating bastards.

The Bad

MLB has refused to look into the serious allegation that the Blue Jays used performance enhancing magic, made first a moment ago here on RJG. This is steroids era willful ignorance all over again.

The Ugly

Experts agree that the use of magic would provide an unfair competitive advantage. Nonetheless, Selig and his cronies refuse to do anything about it. They won't even consider instituting random magic testing, a simple fix which would go a long way toward removing the scourge of magic from Major League Baseball. For shame.

The Kids Go Home Happy

Not because we won, but because they got paid. $4 for the kids thanks to generous donations from Granderson and Teixeira.

Mark Teixeira 7hr = $14
Curtis Granderson 8hr = $16
Russell Martin 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 5hr = $10
Jorge Posada 6hr = $12
Robinson Cano 8hr = $16
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Brett Gardner 3hr = $6
Nick Swisher 1hr = $2
Total = $90

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Bronny Cash Gives One Month Performance Review

With April out of the way, it was time to get in touch with everyone's favorite Yankees GM, Brian Cashman. The Bronster gave us his honest assessment of the Yankees first month. The following is a transcript of our conversation:

BC: Hello?

RJG: Hey Brian, how are you?

BC: I'm doing we...

RJG: I don't like calling you Brian. It's weird. It just sounds weird. It doesn't roll off the tongue at all. What's it like having such an awful first name?

BC: Um . . . what?

RJG: Let's move on. Our beloved Yanks have finished April in first place for the first time since 1946. This despite your best attempts to saddle the team with ageing, injured players. How does it feel to see your attempt to sabotage us blow up in your face?

BC: I wasn't trying to sabotage anythi...

RJG: Are you denying that you signed Bartolo Colon?

BC: No, I di...

RJG: Garcia? Did you or did you not, sir, sign Freddy Garcia?

BC: Yeah, but . . .

RJG: Eric Chavez? Did you give Eric Chavez a contract? To sign? A contract to sign?

BC: Yes! And all of these moves have universally worked out to the advantage of the team. They're low-risk. High reward. I'm a genius. That's what everyone's supposed to be saying right now!

RJG: You'll get no paeans to your supposed genius here, Mr. Cashman. RJG is a respectable news organization.

BC: Did you just say "paean"?

RJG: I apologize for my language. That was unprofessional. But don't change the subject. Isn't it true that you were so upset about ownership signing Rafael Soriano that you wanted out and thus put into effect a plan to sabotage the team and get fired so you could GM some awful low-A Pittsburgh affiliate and prove to everyone that you can build a winner without Steinbrenner money?

BC: Why would anybody do that?

RJG: And what do you think of the lack of ninja activity reported in the news lately? Isn't this all part of your grand master-plan?

BC: Do you snack on prescription medication or are you always this insane?

RJG: I don't see how those two things are mutually exclusive.

BC: I guess you have a poi...

RJG: CHECK AND MATE! This interview is over! I'm out #@%&$.

BC: What the #$&% just happened?


So there you have it folks. Brian Cashman is pleasantly surprised that his low-risk, high-reward signings of the winter have provided such a boost to this Yankee team.