Friday, March 23, 2012
Chamberlain Injured
It was recently reported that Chamberlain suffered a rather significant ankle injury playing with his son at a recreational center that had trampolines. The details haven't all come out but the injury sounds fairly substantial. I read on Fox Sports that the bone in the ankle broke the skin. We'll have to wait and see what we hear about this.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
A Question Worth Debating
Is it possible that I, not Mariano Rivera, am the greatest relief pitcher of all time? I was never given a chance, by the Yankees or anybody else, so we'll never really know. We just have to assume that I'm at least as good as Rivera, which makes giving him, or anyone else, the title of 'best ever' unfair and unduly hurtful.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Spring Training is Boring
Andy Pettitte threw a bullpen yesterday. You probably already know that because it's practically headline news this time of year. The only time an Andy Pettitte bullpen should be headline news is if the story goes something like this:
Andy Pettitte Throws Bullpen, Martin $#!%$ Himself
(AP) - Today, Andy Pettitte threw his first bullpen of the spring, beginning a process that he hopes will help him return to the dominant form he last displayed in 2010. Russell Martin, catching the legendary Yankee hurler for the first time, $#!% himself.
"When you crouch down in that box, and you see those eyes glaring at you from behind that glove . . . it's creepy man," explained a still soiled Martin. "I was scared, so I $#!% myself."
The actual story, that Martin was impressed by Pettitte's location, is boring. At this point, everything about this spring is boring. There aren't even enough roster spots open to competition to pretend to have anything to care about. The rotation questions aren't interesting because, unless somebody gets hurt, the Yankees are going to put Garcia in the bullpen since he missed 'significant time' with that hand injury and isn't as 'stretched out' as everybody else. You know, the players that were going to get rotation spots ahead of Garcia no matter what. I just want it to be April 6th, so we can start to care again.
Andy Pettitte Throws Bullpen, Martin $#!%$ Himself
(AP) - Today, Andy Pettitte threw his first bullpen of the spring, beginning a process that he hopes will help him return to the dominant form he last displayed in 2010. Russell Martin, catching the legendary Yankee hurler for the first time, $#!% himself.
"When you crouch down in that box, and you see those eyes glaring at you from behind that glove . . . it's creepy man," explained a still soiled Martin. "I was scared, so I $#!% myself."
The actual story, that Martin was impressed by Pettitte's location, is boring. At this point, everything about this spring is boring. There aren't even enough roster spots open to competition to pretend to have anything to care about. The rotation questions aren't interesting because, unless somebody gets hurt, the Yankees are going to put Garcia in the bullpen since he missed 'significant time' with that hand injury and isn't as 'stretched out' as everybody else. You know, the players that were going to get rotation spots ahead of Garcia no matter what. I just want it to be April 6th, so we can start to care again.
Badger, Badger, Badger, AH SNAKE! Badger, Badger, Badger
Lately, we've been getting some beautiful weather up north which can only mean one of two things: either baseball is on the horizon, or the apocalypse is near. After the Yankees signed Pettitte, I was sure it was the latter, but after checking my Bible, it turns out signing retired veterans to minor league deals isn't one of the signs of the coming end. So we're alright....for now.
With baseball clearly on the horizon, I am starting to get excited for this season. There's several story lines I want to see play out. Who will earn the 5 spots in the rotation? How will Andy pitch? Can A-Rod bounce back? Can Jeter turn back the clock just a little and have a Jeter-like season? Can Granderson put up MVP numbers again? Will Robertson prove a likely successor to Mariano Rivera? Will we win a championship? All of these questions will be answered over the next 7 months, but will begin on April 6th in Tampa. That alone is enough to keep me going for the next two weeks of meaningless spring training games. So what does this have to do with the title of this post you ask? Well what does your face have to do with your history of rejection I respond? Everything. Think about that. Its deep.
With baseball clearly on the horizon, I am starting to get excited for this season. There's several story lines I want to see play out. Who will earn the 5 spots in the rotation? How will Andy pitch? Can A-Rod bounce back? Can Jeter turn back the clock just a little and have a Jeter-like season? Can Granderson put up MVP numbers again? Will Robertson prove a likely successor to Mariano Rivera? Will we win a championship? All of these questions will be answered over the next 7 months, but will begin on April 6th in Tampa. That alone is enough to keep me going for the next two weeks of meaningless spring training games. So what does this have to do with the title of this post you ask? Well what does your face have to do with your history of rejection I respond? Everything. Think about that. Its deep.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Does This Move Bode Well for the Pitching Staff?
How concerned do the Yankees have to be concerned about Pineda, Hughes, and Kuroda to sign another veteran pitcher to join a rotation that already has Garcia as an odd man out? As much as I like this move, perhaps due nothing more to nostalgia, it raises some concerns about the current state of our starters and management's opinion of them.
Oh Dizzam
The Yankees have resigned Andy Pettitte to a minor league deal. Pettitte last pitched for the Yankees in 2010, but left the team to spend time with his family. After an entire year with his little miracles, Pettitte has reached the conclusion that family blows. The Yanks have signed him largely to convince Mariano Rivera of that fact. Both men are devout Christians who have played together for a long time, so Pettitte's words should carry some weight. Stay tuned as this story develops further.
In other news, Bernie Williams is pissed right now.
In other news, Bernie Williams is pissed right now.
2 Legit 2 Quit
Lots of talk this spring training has come around Pineda's less than impressive fastball and Raul Ibanez's less than impressive hitting abilities. The one story that has slipped under the radar, is Jeter's gangster rating. This year, his gangster has been projecting far greater than in previous years. His gangster over replacement player or GORP, is a stunning 48 Joe Pesci's. Statisticians have projected him as a .357/.400/.450 player, all of which are calibers of bullets. It may be too early to tell, but Jeter may be in for his best year in recent memory. Definitely his most gangster year. Despite his age, Jeter remains the most gangster player in all of baseball. Baseball players get old and become obsolete, Jeter gets old and becomes the Don Corleone of the baseball world. Respect his gangster.
Monday, March 12, 2012
A-Rod Wows the Crowd
It was reported that early in Spring Training, A-Rod mesmerized the clubhouse with an emotional speech about the upcoming season. RJG has acquired a transcript of this special, behind closed doors, monologue and now presents it to you, our loyal reader:
AR: Good morning, gentleman. I'm here to talk to you all about a very important topic. Ninja attacks can happen at any moment of any day. One-hundred percent of ninja attacks are unavoidable, but there are precautions you can take. One, don't make ninja enemies. It might seem like a good idea when you're in Vegas, but it comes back to haunt you. Also, when you go to the beach, don't get eaten by a shark. That's not ninja specific but still worth keeping in mind. Don't get eaten by a shark.
Galvanized minor leaguer: Amen, brother!
AR: We're not related. Odd. To continue, this year we're playing for the same goal we always play for, to maximize shareholder value. Remember that every time you lose, it hurts the brand. When you hurt the brand you hurt the investors, and we don't know how many of those investors are ninjas. They could all be ninjas. When you meet someone with a stake in the Yankees, assume they are ninjas. I have a question. Why is this guy talking about ninjas? That's an excellent question, Alex. Why are there so many flavors of Schnapps? It's confusing. Also, ninjas don't like Schnapps. I don't like Schnapps. Does that make me a ninja? Another excellent question, Alex. You are on a roll.
Galvanized major leaguer: You are on a roll!
AR: I'm not a sandwich. Again, let's try to keep these comments helpful guys. 'Constructive' is the word of the day. Back to the topic at hand. Thank you.
There you have it folks. Having been psyched up by such a stunning display of word smithery, the Yankees, it can only be assumed, are headed for a championship this year.
AR: Good morning, gentleman. I'm here to talk to you all about a very important topic. Ninja attacks can happen at any moment of any day. One-hundred percent of ninja attacks are unavoidable, but there are precautions you can take. One, don't make ninja enemies. It might seem like a good idea when you're in Vegas, but it comes back to haunt you. Also, when you go to the beach, don't get eaten by a shark. That's not ninja specific but still worth keeping in mind. Don't get eaten by a shark.
Galvanized minor leaguer: Amen, brother!
AR: We're not related. Odd. To continue, this year we're playing for the same goal we always play for, to maximize shareholder value. Remember that every time you lose, it hurts the brand. When you hurt the brand you hurt the investors, and we don't know how many of those investors are ninjas. They could all be ninjas. When you meet someone with a stake in the Yankees, assume they are ninjas. I have a question. Why is this guy talking about ninjas? That's an excellent question, Alex. Why are there so many flavors of Schnapps? It's confusing. Also, ninjas don't like Schnapps. I don't like Schnapps. Does that make me a ninja? Another excellent question, Alex. You are on a roll.
Galvanized major leaguer: You are on a roll!
AR: I'm not a sandwich. Again, let's try to keep these comments helpful guys. 'Constructive' is the word of the day. Back to the topic at hand. Thank you.
There you have it folks. Having been psyched up by such a stunning display of word smithery, the Yankees, it can only be assumed, are headed for a championship this year.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
The Truth About Robertson's Injury
David Robertson has injured his foot. He claims he sustained the injury while carrying empty boxes down some stairs and slipping, but we at RJG know better.
You see, when you're a pro athlete, you're not allowed to do $#!%. In fact, you are contractually obligated to not do $#!%. So when Robertson says, "I was carrying empty boxes that were empty and weighed almost nothing and slipped exactly just one step and sustained a trip to the DL necessitating injury", what he means is:
"So I'm in my house at the top of the stairs, and I says to myself I says, 'I think that I can clear these steps if I jump off from here.' So I jump and I totally cleared the steps. But then I thinks to myself I think, 'Beginner's luck. Let's see if you can do it again!' So I dos it again and I clear all the steps. But I'm not thrilled about my level of clearance on this second jump, so I tries again. I really jumped the hell out of those steps on that last try, but I landed kind of hard and broke my foot on some boxes that were full of bricks. I thought they would cushion my landing better is what I thought. Not so much."
You see, when you're a pro athlete, you're not allowed to do $#!%. In fact, you are contractually obligated to not do $#!%. So when Robertson says, "I was carrying empty boxes that were empty and weighed almost nothing and slipped exactly just one step and sustained a trip to the DL necessitating injury", what he means is:
"So I'm in my house at the top of the stairs, and I says to myself I says, 'I think that I can clear these steps if I jump off from here.' So I jump and I totally cleared the steps. But then I thinks to myself I think, 'Beginner's luck. Let's see if you can do it again!' So I dos it again and I clear all the steps. But I'm not thrilled about my level of clearance on this second jump, so I tries again. I really jumped the hell out of those steps on that last try, but I landed kind of hard and broke my foot on some boxes that were full of bricks. I thought they would cushion my landing better is what I thought. Not so much."
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