Yanks Embarrass Red Sox in front of Their Mothers

The Good

The offense is alive and well.  Swish and Tex had six RBI each, responsible for one of the greatest comeback wins in recent memory.  Also, the Yankees are still well capable of defeating a Red Sox roster that resembles a spring training road team where most of the veterans aren't asked to make the trip.  

The Bad

Not so long ago I wrote here that Hughes needed to go to the bullpen, but that Garcia should have a chance to turn it around.  Now I'd really like to see both Garcia and Hughes out of the starting rotation.  Put Phelps in the rotation.  Or Swisher.  Anybody.  I'm starting to miss Burnett!  At least he could win five games in April.  Do you know how bad things need to be to start missing Burnett?  Burnett!

The Ugly

I just said I miss Burnett, how can it get uglier than that?  Well, the Red Sox bullpen had plenty of ugly to spread around, but that's not the ugliest thing.  What's with the veritable deluge of Viagra commercials during baseball games and every other major American sporting event?  As best I can tell, the average member of the baseball demographic is someone who likes $#!%%* American cars and little blue pills.  I'm starting to think there must be some sort of causal relationship between experiencing one's masculinity vicariously through sporting events and ED.  If so, these games need to come with a warning, because that's bull$#!%.  I'm sorry, I love the Yankees, but not enough to watch them if that's the case.  

The Red Sox Do Their Part to Help the Children

In the first game of this series, the Sox gave up five solo home runs.  Yesterday, they gave up three more, a grand slam to Swish, and a solo and two-run shot to Teixeira.  That's $6 more for the kids.  Let's all give a round of applause to the Sox pitching staff.  

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 4hr = $8
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 2hr = $4
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 3hr = $6
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 24hr = $54

Yanks Take Opener on Fenway's Birthday

The Good

Nova gave us six innings of two-run ball.  The offense combined for five solo home-runs.  The bullpen, once again, shut out the opponent.  

The Bad

When Eric Chavez and Russell Martin combine for five home runs, there is something wrong with Earth's gravitational pull.  That can't possibly be good.  

The Ugly

Kevin Youkilis was asked about his recent struggles at the plate and finally came clean.

"Bobby was right, I'm just not into it as much as I used to be.  It's not that I don't care, it's that my head is somewhere else.  You know how when you go to the grocer, the organic vegetables are super expensive?  The regular vegetables are cheap, but they're poisonous.  They're covered in poison!  So when you buy organic you're essentially paying these crooked sons of #@%&$ to not poison you.  That's $%#@&$% extortion, man!  Every time I step to the plate I think about that and get so angry!  The $%#@&$% ball looks like a head of lettuce, and I'm just swinging wildly and angrily, but there's nothing I can do.  The whole at bat becomes a metaphor for my inability to do anything but fork over the ransom the organic food growers demand for not poisoning me.  It's bull$#!%.  

Did They Bring the Fences in at Fenway too?

Swish, Chavez, A-Rod, and Martin combined for five home runs, bringing in $10 for the kids.  

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 3hr = $6
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 2hr = $4
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 1hr = $2
Eric Chavez 2hr = $4
Russell Martin 1hr = $2

Total 24hr = $48

As Rotation Races to the Bottom, Offense Races to the Top

The Good

With a rotation that's been struggling this year, the bullpen has stepped up and given us the quality innings that our starters have refused to give us. Yesterday was no different as the bullpen combined to give us 3.2 scoreless innings with a save from Mariano. Still the big news from last night was Curtis Granderson who hit 3 homeruns as part of a 5-5 night. The Yankees just edged out the Twins 7-6, but you just don't get there without Granderson's ridiculous outburst.

The Bad

Hughes went 5.1 innings giving up 2 earned runs and got the win, which is good, but he also allowed 4 unearned runs due to a throwing error by Eduardo Nunez in the first inning. It just seems like you'd want better defense out of your utility infielder.

The Ugly

Although Nunez's error extended the first inning, it really served to prove the point about Hughes. When he can locate, he does pretty good, thus the results we saw from the 2nd to 5th innings. However, when he can't locate we see the disaster that was the first inning. I know the error extended the inning, but the truth of the matter is those 4 unearned runs came because the Minnesota Twins were lighting up Phil Hughes' pitches.

Granderson May Put Us Out of Business

With 3 homeruns out of Granderson and another jack by Teixeira, the babies at the Children's Health Fund were given an adult dose of generosity. That's $8 for the younguns.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 6hr = $12
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2
Mark Teixeira 1hr = $2

Total 19hr = $38

Race to the Bottom

The competition in spring training brought out the best in our rotation.  Hughes looked like a major leaguer, even against major league hitters.  The notoriously 'doesn't show up for spring' Garcia was arguably the best starter on the staff.  Hell, Rapada broke a guy's elbow just so he could make the 25-man.

Now, the only pitchers who have showed up are CC and Nova, and CC just barely.  Kuroda has had one good start out of three.  This may not be completely his fault, as he's adjusting to a new league and a very tough division, but he's largely been horrible.  Hughes has been Hughes.  He still can't put hitters away when he gets ahead, and he's generally reached his pitch count by the time his warm-ups are done.  Garcia's just been, well, old I guess.  He's not a power guy anymore by any means, but he's generally been able to pitch his way into being a solid major league starter.  Maybe age has caught up to him.  Maybe he's decided he needs to help Martin make-up all the jumping and diving he no longer gets to do now that Burnett is gone.  But he's been bad.

Luckily, Pettitte is on the way, and it seems like he can still locate his pitches.  Hughes, unless he turns it around, should probably be the first to get sent to the bullpen.  He may be young, but he has no real track record as a major league starter (I'm sorry, I'm not going to hype the first half of 2010, the only time he was consistently effective).  He's had success in the 'pen and should probably stay there.  Garcia should have a slightly longer leash, since, unlike Hughes, he might actually figure it out on account of an actual pitching IQ.  Hughes's go-to pitch when ahead in the count is a fastball up and down the middle.  No thank you.

If Garcia doesn't turn it around, Pineda should be given his slot once he's healthy, just to show what he can do. If he can't hack it, we have a seven-man rotation of high end pitching prospects at AAA being tutored by the major league tested Francisco Cervelli.  Someone will pitch with competence.

Twins Trounce Yankees, Insult Their Mothers

The Good

The offense is still very much alive and well. Though they couldn't get the big hit when they needed it, they still scored 5 runs including homeruns from Jeter and Cano, and a 2 run single by Swisher who's been driving in runs like its his walk year or something. Jeter finished 3-5 on the night having scored 2 runs and driven in 1. A-Rod talked about beating father time, Jones believed it was possible, but Jeter's making it happen.

Also noteworthy was our bullpen which has been a huge strength for us this season. Rapada, Logan and Soriano combined for 4.2 innings of shutout baseball, which is more innings than we got out of Kuroda. After a rough first appearance, Rapada has really settled down and given us some solid innings out of the bullpen.

The Bad

Kuroda lasted 4.1 innings allowing 6 runs. A lead the Yankee offense could never quite topple.

The Ugly

After his second homerun Justin Morneau looked into the Yankees dugout and yelled "Your mothers!" We thought this would fire the Yankees up but instead they got all quiet and sad as they realized that they missed their mothers. They then went on to leave 18 men on base. Its psychological warfare at its best.

The Children Get the Money So I Don't Care

Jeter and Cano contributed to the progression of modern medicine with their homeruns last night. We're $4 closer to solving the riddle of childhood illness.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 4hr = $8
Curtis Granderson 3hr = $6
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2
Robinson Cano 1hr = $2

Total 15hr = $30

Sabathia Settles In and Settles Twins

The Good

After a rocky 3 innings, Sabathia settled down and managed to give his best performance of the year: 7.1 innings, 3 runs, 7 strikeouts. The Yankees combined for 13 hits, including 2 from back up catcher Chris Stewart whose 2 run single sparked the Yankees. Jeter went an unJeter-like 1-4 but still drove in 2 runs. Stewart, Gardner, Nunez, Jones and Swisher each had 2 hits, with Jones hitting a long ball. A pretty solid offensive performance.

The Bad

Everyone on the Yankees was invited to the hits party except for A-Rod who went 0-4. Apparently, it wasn't the only thing he wasn't invited to.

"Last night I couldn't sleep so I decided to take a walk out on the town. I passed by a Starbucks and I saw Eduardo Nunez, Cory Wade and Gardner having coffee together. I wasn't invited. Why wouldn't they invite me?"

When asked why they didn't invite A-Rod, the trio responded: "The last time we hung out with A-Rod he made it clear that he liked to surround himself with lesser ball players so that the ladies would flock to him. He then wouldn't stop referring to us as decoys. It hurt our feelings."

Fair enough.

The Ugly

Gardner hurt his wrist making a diving catch. It conjured up images of the time Hideki Matsui broke his wrist on a diving catch in left field. That was ugly.

Andruw Jones May Not Win a Starting Role On The Field, But He's Definitely Earned A Starting Role in the Hearts of Children

Andruw Jones hit a homerun last night earning a couple more bucks for the Children's Health Fund.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 2hr = $4
Derek Jeter 3hr = $6
Curtis Granderson 3hr = $6
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 13hr = $26

Beaten By Our Arch-Nemesis

The Good

Jeter's been off to a great start! Jeter and Granderson hit back-to-back homeruns in the first the get the party going.

The Bad

The party took a turn for the worse when Carl Pavano dug his heels and kept the Yankees to 3 runs over 7 innings. Consequentially, 7 innings is what he gave the Yankees in his 4 year stay in New York.

The Ugly

Freddy Garcia went 5.2 innings and allowed 5 runs dropping the first game of the series against Minnesota. With Pettitte and Pineda on the horizon, it may be hard for Freddy to keep that starting job.

At Least Some Good Came Out Of This

With Granderson and Jeter's homeruns, more money was pledged to the Children's Health Fund.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 3hr = $6
Curtis Granderson 3hr = $6
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 12hr = $24

Nova Fights Off the Plague for Series Win

The Good

Although Nova wasn't feeling well, he kept the Yankees in the game with a 6 inning 4 run effort where he struck out 8. The big blows however came from Derek Jeter and Raul Ibanez. Jeter hit a three-run homerun in the 4th and Ibanez hit a monster shot in the 7th driving in two runs. Cano went 2-3 scoring 3 runs, and Teixeira went 2-4 with an RBI double. Both Cano and Teixeira stole a base bringing Gardner to tears.

The Bad

Soriano came in to pitch the 7th but gave up two hits, two walks and a run. After Boone Logan pitched an inning where he struck out 3 and gave up no runs, he demanded a contract renegotiation claiming that he's been doing Soriano's job, and deserves Soriano-type money. Hard to argue with that.

The Ugly

Tonight we face old friend of the blog, Carl Pavano. The bad news is that if Freddy doesn't out pitch him, then Freddy's not even Pavano tough and who can trust anyone who's not Pavano tough?

Respect Jeter's Gangster is for the Children

Jeter and Ibanez were the only two to care about the rising cost of health care for children. Their two homeruns give $4 to the Children's Health Fund.

Raul Ibanez 2hr = $4
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 2hr = $4
Curtis Granderson 2hr = $4
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 10hr = $20

Silver Lining Never Looked So Golden

The Good

Despite a rather rough loss in our second game of our home opener there is something to be said for David Phelps 5.1 innings of relief of Hughes allowing just one run and striking out 4. Jeter went 2-5 as the leadoff guy providing spark that a floundering offense couldn't take advantage of.

The Bad

Hughes lasted just 3.1 innings giving up 6 runs. Not a great start especially with Pettitte is looking to take someones spot in the next number of weeks.

The Ugly

Everybody not named Albert Pujols on the Angels hit a homerun. It was tough to see, especially for the Angels who watched Albert cash one of his multi-million dollar checks over the weekend.

Homeruns For Babies

And the Yankees hit none of them! That means zero dollars to the Children's Health Fund!

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2
Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 1hr = $2
Curtis Granderson 2hr = $4
Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 8hr = $16

Kuroda Is Pretty Awesome

The Good

Kuroda pitched 8 innings of shut out ball striking out 6. A-Rod went 3-4 with a homerun, as Swisher hit a bases clearing double in the first putting us ahead 3-0. Granderson also hit a homerun. The best part of it was that we scored 5 runs, and allowed none against an Angels lineup that has Pujols, on opening day at Yankee stadium.

The Bad

Pujols went 1-4 with a strikeout. Jeter went 1-4 with a strikeout. Both hit singles. The bad news is, Pujols is trying to copy Jeter to be cool! He should know better!

The Ugly

Ibanez went 0-4, and as the camera zoomed in on his face after his last at bat, a single tear could be seen welling up in his eye. It made all the fans sad.

A-Rod and Granderson Care

Because they were the only ones to aid the kids at the Children's Health Fund with their homeruns.

Raul Ibanez 1hr = $2

Nick Swisher 2hr = $4
Andruw Jones 1hr = $2
Derek Jeter 1hr = $2
Curtis Granderson 2hr = $4

Alex Rodriguez 1hr = $2

Total 8hr = $16