Girardi Struggling to Maintain Order Due to Lame Duck Status

The problems have already begun. Yankees Manager Joe Girardi is having an increasingly hard time controlling his team due to his lame duck status.

"It's subtle, but it's there," said Girardi in an exclusive interview with RJG. "Like the other day, I said to Robbie (Cano), 'Hey, it's time for BP.' And he was all, 'Quiet lame duck! I have a longer contract than you do.' You know what I mean? It's just there. Under the surface but clearly there."

Girardi, for the first time, is beginning to realize that his lame duck status may indeed affect his ability to do his job. While he has tried to keep the team focused on the task at hand, winning another World Series, his insecure job status has made it harder for him to communicate with players.

"Just yesterday I was talking to Teixeira and saying how hungry I am for another run at the championship. He turns to me, looks me dead in the eye, and says, 'Stop begging us to save your job already!' I couldn't believe it. Then I was talking to Marte about our expectations for him in the upcoming season and he goes, 'Come and lecture me when you have a contract longer than mine b-----!' It's been a tough few weeks.

Normally, in difficult times, Girardi would try to lean on some of his veterans, but even that has proved difficult, with two of the core four also in lame duck status.

"Derek tried to talk to some of the guys, but even he's having trouble. Last week, Derek was talking to CC after a workout and I could hear CC saying, 'Hey, remember that time when my contract was longer and worth more money than yours? Those were good times. Now why don't you get out of my face?!' No one has ever talked to Jeter like that."

Girardi has tried to appeal to Brian Cashman to extend his contract in the face of this defiant atmosphere, but Cashman has been unwilling to make an exception for the first manager since Joe Torre to win a championship for New York.

"I spoke to Brian recently and laid out my case. I explained the problems that are starting to pop up and how they're only going to get worse as the season wears on. All he said to me was, 'Hey Joe, how about you tell me how to do my job after you have some actual job security. How does that sound?' It's going to be a long season."

Saturday Topic of Conversation

Weekends are kind of quiet here at RJG during the offseason. There is far less activity than during the weekdays. So I thought I'd just rant for a little bit since none of you are all that likely to read this.

Bob Raissman of the Daily News, who has the strange task of being a member of the media who covers the media's coverage of New York sporting events, wrote a recent article about how the media's treatment of A-Rod during the steroid scandal put the fan's on A-Rod's side (you know, because the media were such dicks about it).

This post isn't really about the article as much as it is about the following line:

Yeah, things can change quickly in one year.

Now, while RJG is hardly known for their commitment to grammar, I can't help but point out how flawed this sentence is. If the point is that things can change quickly, there is no reason to mention a fixed period of time, particularly one as long as a year. If the point is that things can change a lot during the course of a year, then a different adverb should have been used, like drastically, or dramatically.

This is hardly Raismann's fault. His copy editor really should have picked this up. But as it stands, this sentence makes no sense, and places the integrity of the entire print media industry under suspicion at a time when they are struggling. For shame, Daily News. For shame!

I said good day, sir!

Grueling Workouts Leave Yankees Exhausted

Though position players just got here, they've already been put through the wringer.

"Spring Training is tough," complained Brett Gardner. "People don't realize how hard we work. Like yesterday, I played catch. I threw the ball to Curtis (Granderson), then he threw it back, and I'm all 'why would you throw it back? If I wanted it I wouldn't have thrown it to you in the first place.' That continued for a while, so It's safe to say I'm pretty beat up."

Spring Training can leave even the most well conditioned athlete in tears. Hours of light jogging, stretching, catch, more stretching, massages, fielding fly-balls, batting practice, and chewing tobacco can really wear on you.

"Yesterday I had live BP," explained Curtis Granderson. "I mean, I didn't swing at any pitches, and the pitchers were yelling out the pitch and location before throwing, but still, I'm tired. I mean, I had to just stand there for ten whole pitches. That bat gets heavy in the Florida humidity. Sucks up all the moisture."

Granderson is not the only one dealing with fatigue.

"Yesterday I didn't have to throw BP, so I just got a massage from the trainers," explained a sore AJ Burnett. "I'm exhausted."

Some players have been more limited in their activities, however, either due to injuries or, in one case, psychological trauma.

"I'm pretty tired," said a clearly exhausted Robinson Cano. "I spend most of my day trying to make sure no one sees me cry. It's tough. F--k you Cashman!"

It was not immediately clear to everyone why Cano sang that last line.

Beat Writers Boycott A-Rod Press Conference, Demand Return of Old A-Rod

Even with the anticipation of hearing A-Rod's reaction to both Derek Jeter's and Robinson Cano's controversial press conferences, many members of the New York press adamantly refused to attend A-Rod's.

"A-Rod's become boring," lamented Lucky VanWriterstein. "He's always like, 'I don't have anything to say about that,' or 'I just want to do my part and help the team win.' He used to have pizazz! You'd ask him a question, any question, and he'd be like 'I'm a centaur and I'm sleeping with Madonna. Want to see a picture of my wife and kids?' That was meat. I can't even reach the article word limit with the stuff he gives us now."

The BBWAA is considering a general work stoppage if A-Rod doesn't become interesting again. Asked whether they thought such a strategy might backfire considering A-Rod's new 'boring' persona was the result of a desire for less media scrutiny in the first place, the BBWAA New York Chapter president, Mike Lupica, responded, "You think you're clever?! I'm clever. Clever. Like the kids used to be. Like it used to matter."

Asked why he talked like that in real life, Lupica refused to answer any further questions.

A-Rod has vowed to continue to keep his answers short and focus on baseball. It worked like a charm last year, when he finally earned his pinstripes by not being booed for no reason.

Robinson Cano Holds Press Conference to Announce New 'Walk to the Plate' Music

Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez are not the only Yankees who get to hold press conferences in the big tent at George M. Steinbrenner Stadium. Yesterday, Cano got in on the act, holding court to announce his new 'walk to the plate' music.

"I wrote this song myself," explained Cano. "It's not very long, because you only get about 10 or 15 seconds, but I think this will keep me motivated."

The lyrics to the song are below:

You used to have walk-off hits,
now you play for the Braves and s--t,
AJ got you with the pies,
I miss you so much I might cry.
Melkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Why couldn't they trade Gardner instead?
F--k you Cashman!

The musical backdrop to the song was composed by Bernie Williams, who is yet to officially retire, and was touched by the powerful lyrics of his former teammate.

"Something about the song just spoke to me," explained Williams. "I don't know why, but certain lines were just really true to my experience. One line really. But I can't quite put my finger on which."

Cano explained that he wrote the song a week before arriving in Spring Training, and that it was executive produced by Quincy Jones.

"I think this song is really going to help me focus and get up for at bats," said Cano. "It should also help me be more clutch with guys on base."

It is not clear whether the Yankees will approve the use of the song, as its explicit lyrics are not conducive to the family friendly atmosphere of Yankee Stadium.

"We're just not sure yet," mused Lonn Trost. "I mean, think about it. You just paid $2500 each for your ticket and your kid's ticket and your mistress's ticket, then this comes blaring over the PA system. I just don't know if that will play well."

Jeter's Press Conference Shakes the Foundation of Yankees Spring Training

"I couldn't believe it," explained one stunned onlooker. "The things he was saying, I just never expected to hear those words from Derek Jeter."

What was expected to be a routine press conference by Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter turned into an indictment of the Yankees, their negotiating stance, and their legacy.

One witness, still in so much shock she couldn't remember her own name, explained that, "One reporter was all, 'what do you think about your contract status?' And Jeter was all, 'I'm focused on this season, and I won't talk about my contract status after today.' And I was all, 'Ho. Ly. S--t!'"

Indeed. Such strong language was unexpected from a man who has perfected the non-answer over his 15 year Major League career. You could hear the anger in Jeter's voice, and the tension was palpable.

When asked whether he was considering testing the waters of free agency, a clearly bitter Jeter responded that, "The Yankees are the only organization I want to play for." The response largely elicited a stunned silence from the usually loquacious crowd of New York journalists, known for their jaded toughness. One reporter was seen weeping.

"No one saw that coming," said one journalist. "I mean, Derek Jeter is usually pretty predictable in his answers, but for him to suggest he's fine with waiting until the season's over to negotiate a new deal, or that he wants to play as long as he's able, healthy, and productive, you just never thought you'd hear that from the Yankee captain. Mind blowing. That's all I can say."

Tomorrow Alex Rodriguez will face the New York media. After today's stunning revelations, he can expect a lot of questions about his frenemy, Derek Jeter. What began as a very quiet Spring Training for the Yankees, just got interesting.

Jeter Interview Bomb Shell

Derek Jeter held a press conference this morning to answer all the pressing questions surrounding his greatness. To sum it all up, he said the following:

Don't care about the contract.

Wants to be a Yankee.

Loves all his World Series Championships equally.

But after the press conference had ended and the camera's were off, the real news came. Tiger Woods came storming into the press room followed by a security detail trying to restrain him.

"You think you can walk away from Gillette, Jeter! Do you want war?!"

Roger Federer then pulled the fire alarm and in the panic tried to rush Jeter's table, but before he could reach him, Minka Kelly tackled him into a row of chairs. "I learned that on Friday night lights (expletive deleted)!" Jeter remained calm throughout it all, even taking a moment to talk to the few remaining press members.

"Tiger's dealing with a lot right now, but I wonder if he knows that Gillette no longer sponsors him."

At that moment, Jeter and Minka got in a Mercedes and left. Alan Mulally, the CEO of Ford, crumbled up his hat, threw it on the ground, and walked away in disgust.

Controversy continues to brew at the Yankee training camp.

Burnett and Posada Put Differences Aside

The most recent word from camp is that AJ Burnett and Jorge Posada have decided to put their supposed differences aside and reunite as batterymates. AJ finished last season with his own personal catcher, Jose Molina, but has lost his dear friend to free agency. Now, Burnett must endeavor to work with Jorge Posada to look towards a better season on the mound.

"We had our differences." Explained Burnett. "Like sometimes he'd call for a screwball, and I was like 'I don't throw that.', and he would say 'That's why you'll never be great.' and it really stuck to me."

"In fairness." Began Posada. "I thought he threw a screwball."

And that was where the trouble began last season. Poor communication about pitch selection plagued both sides.

"I think its because I used to play MLB on the Xbox, and I had a code that unlocked the screwball for AJ Burnett, so from there on out I thought he threw a screwball. He would do it so well in the video game. Then in real life he'd be standing on the mound acting scared to throw it, so I was like 'what a sissy.' It was a simple misunderstanding."

As a result, the two expect big things.

"I have three words for you." Said AJ Burnett. "Cy (bleeping) Young. Put that on your blog and smoke it."

Yankees Sign Chan Ho Park

Chan Ho Park announced today that he has agreed to a 1-yr deal with the Yankees, pending a physical. Park will pitch out of the bullpen. One cannot help but wonder whether this means that if Joba beats out Hughes for the five spot, Hughes will be sent to AAA.

Controversy Rears Its Ugly Head in Yankees Camp

It was only a matter of time. Controversy has once again threatened to take the focus away from winning a 28th Championship at the Yankees Spring Training camp. Tiger Woods will no longer bear the weight of being Sports' greatest philanderer. He now has company: Derek Jeter.

"I walked into the clubhouse, and I couldn't believe it," explained a stunned Roger Federer. "Right, there in Jeter's locker . . . a Schick Quatro. I'm still stunned."

Since the revelation that Jeter has used razors other than the Gillette Fusion with which he has been linked for some time, Jeter has avoided making comments or appearances in public, preferring to treat this as a private matter.

"I don't think he can just stand by in silence and hope this passes by," said a teary Thierry Henry. "One time, I was hanging out with Jeter, and he told me that the Fusion meant nothing to him. Sometimes he would even use Bic Disposable Razors right in front of me, like I wasn't even there."

Gillette has yet to release an official statement regarding Jeter's willingness to stray. A first draft of a statement obtained by RJG read simply:

Derek Jeter . . . You f-----g whore.

While many think Jeter's privacy should be respected and that he should be left alone, others feel strongly that he has damaged his reputation beyond repair.

"It's not like he plays for some team where he could just grow a beard and we'd all say, 'see, he doesn't even shave anyway, no big deal,'" explained Media Relations Consultant and all around piece of $#!% Ari Fleischer. "He plays for the Yankees. He can't have facial hair. He shaves everyday, and everyday we see him, we'll wonder. Did he use a Gillette today, or one of his other floozies? It's going to be hard for him to recover from this."

Only time will tell whether Jeter can indeed recover from this. So far, he has been able to keep most of his endorsements, but with increasingly stunning razor revelations coming to the light of day almost daily, it may just be a matter of time. While the Yankees have so far publicly stood by their embattled shortstop, sources indicate that they are quietly looking for ways to void his contract.

"This is a big deal. The Yankees are a brand, and this is not the image they want for their brand."