As some may know, Mark Teixeira had injured his thumb in Chicago trying to making a diving stop on a ball hit to first. Though Mark had been resting his thumb, it was decided that he would need to test it before returning to the lineup.
"We don't want to take any chances." Explained manager Joe Girardi. "The opposable digit is the only thing that separates us from apes. The only thing. Its a scientific fact. Give apes an opposable thumb, and suddenly they have the power to launch nuclear warheads, and conceive such things as democracy."
Girardi, unwilling to chance Teixeira's thumb made him pass several thumb tests before writing him into the lineup. Teixeira explained the grueling process.
"I had to play 3 hours of X-Box 360 to show that my thumb was both agile and strong enough to endure so much playing time. I then had to defeat Girardi in a thumb wrestling contest, and Girardi's a pro. He played while reading the paper. I won on a technicality, after replays showed Girardi's thumb had stepped out of the boundaries thus violating one of the regulations of thumb warfare."
The tests proved effective as Teixeira went 3-3 with a homerun and a double in last nights game.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Yanks Beat Up the A's
The Good
The Yankees pummeled the A's, whose apostrophe doesn't make any sense. It's supposed to be a plural, not a possessive. But schools aren't good like that in Oakland, so it's okay. Three home runs (apiece) from Teixeira, Cano, and Thames. Javy pitched very well out of the bullpen.
The Bad
There is a lot of talk about Javy moving back to the rotation after what he's done in the 'pen. Bad idea. The guy has been, at best, an inconsistent starter all season. He's generally been a shutdown long reliever. We can all pretend that success out of the 'pen will translate into success in the starting rotation, or we can ask Kerry Wood how well that theory works out.
The Ugly
After the Yankees won, they exchanged high fives in the middle of the diamond. That's right, on the pitcher's mound. Dallas Braden's pitcher's mound. Braden was not happy.
Home Runs Come in Bunches
Teixeira, Cano, and Thames each went deep. Teixeira and Cano hit measly solo shots, while Thames, our new ringer, hit a three run home run. Both Teixeira and Cano were sent home to think about their lack of effort.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 26hr = $52
Swisher 24hr = $48
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 29hr = $58
Thames 10hr = $20
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $330
The Yankees pummeled the A's, whose apostrophe doesn't make any sense. It's supposed to be a plural, not a possessive. But schools aren't good like that in Oakland, so it's okay. Three home runs (apiece) from Teixeira, Cano, and Thames. Javy pitched very well out of the bullpen.
The Bad
There is a lot of talk about Javy moving back to the rotation after what he's done in the 'pen. Bad idea. The guy has been, at best, an inconsistent starter all season. He's generally been a shutdown long reliever. We can all pretend that success out of the 'pen will translate into success in the starting rotation, or we can ask Kerry Wood how well that theory works out.
The Ugly
After the Yankees won, they exchanged high fives in the middle of the diamond. That's right, on the pitcher's mound. Dallas Braden's pitcher's mound. Braden was not happy.
Home Runs Come in Bunches
Teixeira, Cano, and Thames each went deep. Teixeira and Cano hit measly solo shots, while Thames, our new ringer, hit a three run home run. Both Teixeira and Cano were sent home to think about their lack of effort.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 26hr = $52
Swisher 24hr = $48
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 29hr = $58
Thames 10hr = $20
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $330
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Yanks Take Series From Chicago
The Good
The Yankees took a series against a team playing well. They even managed to win a close game. That game was pitched by a rookie pitcher who is better than Burnett right now, a man 20 years older and with $20 more dollars than Nova. CC won his universe leading 18th straight game, allowing zero runs in the 2nd inning for the 89th time in his career and 16th time this season. Sabathia is now 8-0 on games played on natural grass in the central time zone on sunny days.
The Bad
Thames had three home runs. That's not bad for us but it was for the White Sox, who are still reeling from the Black Sox scandal of 1919.
The Ugly
With the series wrapped up, the Yankees were prepared to leave Chicago, but Sean Connery showed up explaining that if they put one of yours in the hospital, you put one of theirs in the morgue. That's the Chicago way. The White Sox hadn't put anyone in the hospital, so Sean Connery's mad ravings didn't make much sense. Then the Yankees realized it wasn't Sean Connery, but Ozzie Guillen doing a killer Sean Connery impression. That in itself wasn't ugly, but the fact that Guillen got into the visiting clubhouse without proper authorization was a major security breach. A performance and policy review is currently underway.
It's Thames O'Clock
That one may not make much sense if you've never lived in the UK, so don't worry about it. Thames had three home runs over the last two games. Three more than Nova did. It's not clear, as a result, whether Nova will get another start. Swisher and Nunez also hit home runs. That makes for five home runs in two days. That's 2.5 home runs per day, which means two of those home runs were really doubles where they really legged it out. That's how official scoring works.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 24hr = $48
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 9hr = $18
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $324
The Yankees took a series against a team playing well. They even managed to win a close game. That game was pitched by a rookie pitcher who is better than Burnett right now, a man 20 years older and with $20 more dollars than Nova. CC won his universe leading 18th straight game, allowing zero runs in the 2nd inning for the 89th time in his career and 16th time this season. Sabathia is now 8-0 on games played on natural grass in the central time zone on sunny days.
The Bad
Thames had three home runs. That's not bad for us but it was for the White Sox, who are still reeling from the Black Sox scandal of 1919.
The Ugly
With the series wrapped up, the Yankees were prepared to leave Chicago, but Sean Connery showed up explaining that if they put one of yours in the hospital, you put one of theirs in the morgue. That's the Chicago way. The White Sox hadn't put anyone in the hospital, so Sean Connery's mad ravings didn't make much sense. Then the Yankees realized it wasn't Sean Connery, but Ozzie Guillen doing a killer Sean Connery impression. That in itself wasn't ugly, but the fact that Guillen got into the visiting clubhouse without proper authorization was a major security breach. A performance and policy review is currently underway.
It's Thames O'Clock
That one may not make much sense if you've never lived in the UK, so don't worry about it. Thames had three home runs over the last two games. Three more than Nova did. It's not clear, as a result, whether Nova will get another start. Swisher and Nunez also hit home runs. That makes for five home runs in two days. That's 2.5 home runs per day, which means two of those home runs were really doubles where they really legged it out. That's how official scoring works.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 24hr = $48
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 9hr = $18
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Nunez 1hr = $2
Total = $324
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Chi Town Blues
The Good
There were no Candy Man related incidents on the South Side of Chicago last night.
The Bad
The Yankees were pretty bad. Burnett failed to even give us four innings, there were errors, sloppy play, sloppy haircuts, and loose uniforms. It was like the Yankees were trying to play bad on purpose, probably just to find another way, besides their money, to ruin baseball for everyone.
The Ugly
Burnett's consistency. Are his mechanics that bad/non-existent? How can this guy be so inconsistent? At least he's not hurt. Man, I really wish we had the under-performing Cliff Lee right about now.
Swish Launches One
No, not his errant throw to home, his home run in the ninth. Good stuff.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 23hr = $46
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 6hr = $12
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $314
There were no Candy Man related incidents on the South Side of Chicago last night.
The Bad
The Yankees were pretty bad. Burnett failed to even give us four innings, there were errors, sloppy play, sloppy haircuts, and loose uniforms. It was like the Yankees were trying to play bad on purpose, probably just to find another way, besides their money, to ruin baseball for everyone.
The Ugly
Burnett's consistency. Are his mechanics that bad/non-existent? How can this guy be so inconsistent? At least he's not hurt. Man, I really wish we had the under-performing Cliff Lee right about now.
Swish Launches One
No, not his errant throw to home, his home run in the ninth. Good stuff.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 23hr = $46
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 6hr = $12
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $314
Friday, August 27, 2010
Cancel the Hall Ceremony
It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to pitch. Pitch no-hitters. Perfect games. Win the World Series by himself, aided by a series of ghost runners. Then, he was supposed to be inducted into Cooperstown before he'd even reached opening day of his second season.
It wasn't meant to be it seems. The renaming of the Cy Young Award will have to wait now that Strasburg has blown out his arm after just under three months in the big leagues. The Nationals' Ace will likely have Tommy John Surgery, named after the famed Yankees pitcher who performed the surgery on himself between innings in order to stay in a close game.
The Nationals are in big trouble. "What the hell are we going to do with 300,000 Strasburg NL MVP t-shirts?" said one Nationals team executive. "We can't sell these now in order to finance our recent signing of another prospect who might never do anything worthwhile! Our business plan is totally f#@ked! Thanks a lot Stephen!"
It isn't clear what affect this will have on the Nationals promising season. I'd finish that thought but it's patently ridiculous. In a few years, Strasburg will probably be pitching out of the bullpen, no longer throwing 110mph change-ups. Ah, youth.
It wasn't meant to be it seems. The renaming of the Cy Young Award will have to wait now that Strasburg has blown out his arm after just under three months in the big leagues. The Nationals' Ace will likely have Tommy John Surgery, named after the famed Yankees pitcher who performed the surgery on himself between innings in order to stay in a close game.
The Nationals are in big trouble. "What the hell are we going to do with 300,000 Strasburg NL MVP t-shirts?" said one Nationals team executive. "We can't sell these now in order to finance our recent signing of another prospect who might never do anything worthwhile! Our business plan is totally f#@ked! Thanks a lot Stephen!"
It isn't clear what affect this will have on the Nationals promising season. I'd finish that thought but it's patently ridiculous. In a few years, Strasburg will probably be pitching out of the bullpen, no longer throwing 110mph change-ups. Ah, youth.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thames Biggest Offensive Threat
The Good
Marcus Thames seems to be the most potent hitter throughout this Toronto series. RJG learned that Thames has a personal vendetta against the Blue Jays. "I was here in Toronto a few years ago, and this guy walks up to me, and he's like 'Do you have two loonies for a toonie?' and I was like 'I don't want any trouble.' and he says 'What do you mean? I need some loonies.' and I was like 'I don't do drugs.' and the guy was just a jerk. From there on out, I made it my personal goal to mash against the Blue Jays."
Also good, Javier Vazquez's 4.1 innings of 1 run relief. Phil Hughes' 3.1 innings of 5 run ball was not good, but the fact that he limited his own innings was helpful to his overall arm health. We can count that as a positive, maybe.
The Bad
Besides Thames, the offense was listless. We do not have the division locked down by any means, and this series has revealed some weaknesses, namely a streaky offense.
The Ugly
Phil Hughes' start ended poorly. When will Pettitte be back?
Thames Cares
Last night Marcus Thames hit the only homerun of the Yankees evening providing the children with extra money.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 22hr = $44
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 6hr = $12
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $312
Marcus Thames seems to be the most potent hitter throughout this Toronto series. RJG learned that Thames has a personal vendetta against the Blue Jays. "I was here in Toronto a few years ago, and this guy walks up to me, and he's like 'Do you have two loonies for a toonie?' and I was like 'I don't want any trouble.' and he says 'What do you mean? I need some loonies.' and I was like 'I don't do drugs.' and the guy was just a jerk. From there on out, I made it my personal goal to mash against the Blue Jays."
Also good, Javier Vazquez's 4.1 innings of 1 run relief. Phil Hughes' 3.1 innings of 5 run ball was not good, but the fact that he limited his own innings was helpful to his overall arm health. We can count that as a positive, maybe.
The Bad
Besides Thames, the offense was listless. We do not have the division locked down by any means, and this series has revealed some weaknesses, namely a streaky offense.
The Ugly
Phil Hughes' start ended poorly. When will Pettitte be back?
Thames Cares
Last night Marcus Thames hit the only homerun of the Yankees evening providing the children with extra money.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 22hr = $44
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 6hr = $12
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $312
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Damon Rejects the BoSox
Oh Boston, how's it feel to be so petty? You booed a guy who helped lead you to a curse breaking World Series and now he has come back to spurn you. Here's the take of one of your own. And here's a guy from SI.com.
The Jenkins piece raises an interesting question. Would Damon have been booed had he come back to Yankee Stadium in a BoSox uniform? I really hope not. And to be honest, I think we would give him another standing O, just to show how classy we are. The guy helped us win a World Series. I know Boston doesn't have many World Series, and so maybe they don't know how they should treat those players who help them achieve one, but Yankee fans are not likely to forget the double steal in game four. You don't boo someone who did that. No matter what uniform he's wearing. Does anybody care that David Cone signed a contract with Boston before retiring? No. He pitched a perfect game and won World Series for us. Like Cone, Damon will always be a Yankee because of that game four. You don't boo someone who did that. You just don't.
The Jenkins piece raises an interesting question. Would Damon have been booed had he come back to Yankee Stadium in a BoSox uniform? I really hope not. And to be honest, I think we would give him another standing O, just to show how classy we are. The guy helped us win a World Series. I know Boston doesn't have many World Series, and so maybe they don't know how they should treat those players who help them achieve one, but Yankee fans are not likely to forget the double steal in game four. You don't boo someone who did that. No matter what uniform he's wearing. Does anybody care that David Cone signed a contract with Boston before retiring? No. He pitched a perfect game and won World Series for us. Like Cone, Damon will always be a Yankee because of that game four. You don't boo someone who did that. You just don't.
Swish Explains His Injury
After yesterday's game, Swisher explained the at-bat in which he got hurt.
"Well, we were up 11-2 so I decided I would go for the cycle. But with a lead like that, you don't go for a measly regular cycle. I wanted the super-cycle. This requires a single, an infield single, a double (which I already had), a ground rule double, a triple, a home run and an inside the park home run. You also need a walk and a hit by pitch. When I fouled that ball off my knee, I was swinging for the infield single, but I knocked it down and back instead of a down and forward. Then Joe came out and I'm all, 'Don't take me out skip, I'm going for the super-cycle.' He's all, 'The super-cycle? Man, that would be so cool!' Then he comes back a pitch later and he's like, 'I just looked it up, there is no super-cycle! You made that $#!% up! Go sit on the bench and think about what you did.' Then my knee swelled up."
"Well, we were up 11-2 so I decided I would go for the cycle. But with a lead like that, you don't go for a measly regular cycle. I wanted the super-cycle. This requires a single, an infield single, a double (which I already had), a ground rule double, a triple, a home run and an inside the park home run. You also need a walk and a hit by pitch. When I fouled that ball off my knee, I was swinging for the infield single, but I knocked it down and back instead of a down and forward. Then Joe came out and I'm all, 'Don't take me out skip, I'm going for the super-cycle.' He's all, 'The super-cycle? Man, that would be so cool!' Then he comes back a pitch later and he's like, 'I just looked it up, there is no super-cycle! You made that $#!% up! Go sit on the bench and think about what you did.' Then my knee swelled up."
Dustin Moseley is this Years Shawn Chacon
The Good
5 homeruns backed by a solid 6 inning 2 run effort out of Dustin Moseley ruled yesterdays game.
Remember Shawn Chacon a few years back? We picked him up from the scrap heap, he pitched well that season, then couldn't keep it going the next year? Moseley has had some really rough starts, but he's interesting because he'll give up 4 runs to Kansas City, and then shut down teams like the Blue Jays and Red Sox. Either way, if he can pitch like this against AL east teams, we will take it.
The Bad
Gaudin was not very effective in relief. 2 innings 3 runs, 4 children weep.
The Ugly
At some point the discussion is going to come up about our captain. He's in a contract year, and though he hit a homerun last night, he's batting .276 on the season. There's still more than a month of baseball left this season, and his gangster is well established, here's hoping that he turns back the clock, shatters the clock, burns the shattered pieces, and then signs a big contract.
4 Children Weep, but 5 Children Rejoice!
5 Yankees hit homeruns last night, making up for the powerless outing we saw the evening before. Granderson, Teixeira, Thames, Jeter, and Posada were the culprits.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 22hr = $44
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 5hr = $10
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $310
5 homeruns backed by a solid 6 inning 2 run effort out of Dustin Moseley ruled yesterdays game.
Remember Shawn Chacon a few years back? We picked him up from the scrap heap, he pitched well that season, then couldn't keep it going the next year? Moseley has had some really rough starts, but he's interesting because he'll give up 4 runs to Kansas City, and then shut down teams like the Blue Jays and Red Sox. Either way, if he can pitch like this against AL east teams, we will take it.
The Bad
Gaudin was not very effective in relief. 2 innings 3 runs, 4 children weep.
The Ugly
At some point the discussion is going to come up about our captain. He's in a contract year, and though he hit a homerun last night, he's batting .276 on the season. There's still more than a month of baseball left this season, and his gangster is well established, here's hoping that he turns back the clock, shatters the clock, burns the shattered pieces, and then signs a big contract.
4 Children Weep, but 5 Children Rejoice!
5 Yankees hit homeruns last night, making up for the powerless outing we saw the evening before. Granderson, Teixeira, Thames, Jeter, and Posada were the culprits.
Posada 16hr = $32
Granderson 14hr = $28
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 22hr = $44
Jeter 10hr = $20
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 28hr = $56
Thames 5hr = $10
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $310
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Yankees Waste Nova's Start
The Good
It looks like we may have something in Ivan Nova. Nova went 5.1 innings, allowed two runs and tried to kill Jose Bautista. That is exactly what you look for in a rookie call-up.
The Bad
Brandon Morrow once again dominated the Yankees when pitching at the Maple Dome (I can't remember what it's called right now, leave me alone). The Yankees offense once again laid down and wasted a perfectly good effort by the pitching staff.
The Ugly
Right now the Yankees are like a schoolyard bully. They beat up on a lot of weak, little guys, but as soon as anyone stands in there with them they back down like the cowards they really are on the inside. It's great that we win against bad teams, you have to do that if you're going to be successful, but we really need to pick it up against the better teams in the league. Our recent record against such adversaries does not leave much room for confidence.
Bombers Can't Take Off in Adverse Weather Conditions
And by adverse weather I mean Brandon Morrow pitching. I need to go throw up now.
Posada 15hr = $30
Granderson 13hr = $26
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 22hr = $44
Jeter 9hr = $18
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 27hr = $54
Thames 4hr = $8
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $300
It looks like we may have something in Ivan Nova. Nova went 5.1 innings, allowed two runs and tried to kill Jose Bautista. That is exactly what you look for in a rookie call-up.
The Bad
Brandon Morrow once again dominated the Yankees when pitching at the Maple Dome (I can't remember what it's called right now, leave me alone). The Yankees offense once again laid down and wasted a perfectly good effort by the pitching staff.
The Ugly
Right now the Yankees are like a schoolyard bully. They beat up on a lot of weak, little guys, but as soon as anyone stands in there with them they back down like the cowards they really are on the inside. It's great that we win against bad teams, you have to do that if you're going to be successful, but we really need to pick it up against the better teams in the league. Our recent record against such adversaries does not leave much room for confidence.
Bombers Can't Take Off in Adverse Weather Conditions
And by adverse weather I mean Brandon Morrow pitching. I need to go throw up now.
Posada 15hr = $30
Granderson 13hr = $26
Cano 25hr = $50
Swisher 22hr = $44
Jeter 9hr = $18
Johnson 2hr = $4
Rodriguez 21hr = $42
Teixeira 27hr = $54
Thames 4hr = $8
Gardner 5hr = $10
Winn 1hr = $2
Miranda 3hr = $6
Curtis 1hr = $2
Kearns 2hr = $4
Total = $300
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