Monday, June 1, 2009

The Greatest Defensive Team Ever Put Together By Brian Cashman

The Good

The Yankees end their road trip 5-2 with another win over the Indians. Joba pitched 8 innings of one-run ball and made a great defensive play, diving to catch a bunt popped up by Kelly Schoppach (?) and then throwing out a runner at second. Mo closed out the game and made an impressive over the shoulder catch and throw to first to end the game. Additionally, Nick the Swish had two doubles. Hopefully he's breaking out of his malaise. With the win, the Yankees broke the record, formerly held by the 2006 Red Sox, for consecutive errorless games played. When asked about it by Kim Jones after the game, Nick Swisher clearly had no idea his team had been closing in on a record. Girardi also claimed to have been unaware of the record when he was asked about it after the game. Way to keep up with the news, Yankees.

The Bad

The Yankees loaded the bases in the sixth with no outs but did not manage to drive in a single run. They couldn't even muster a sac fly, or sac infield single. All in all, they had no sac in the sixth (pun intended, though admittedly, it works better aurally).

The Ugly

After Joba turned his amazing double play in the fifth, he let loose a fist pump, single-handedly ruining the game of baseball. The league officially folded, being denied any TARP funds from a Congress too afraid of the political repercussions of allowing a league that gives a stage to delinquent fist-pumpers to exist. The Yankees will now return home to face Texas in a game of frisbee-golf, since Joba utterly ruined the game of baseball, making it impossible to play ever again. Thanks a lot, fist pump!

Performance Incentives

In a bid to get the Yankees to hit home runs, RJG has joined Johnny Damon's Home Run Club, pledging $1 for every home run hit by a Yankee this season. Unfortunately for children everywhere, no home runs were hit today by the Yankees. I hope they can't sleep tonight.

Jorge Posada 6hr = $6.00
Hideki Matsui 7hr = $7.00
Derek Jeter 7hr = $7.00
Mark Teixeira 16hr = $16.00
Nick Swisher 10hr = $10.00
Robinson Cano 9hr = $9.00
Johnny Damon 10hr = $10.00
Melky Cabrera 5hr = $5.00
Jose Molina 1hr = $1.00
Alex Rodriguez 7hr = $7.00
Brett Gardner 2hr = $2.00
Total = $80.00

If you are interested in Johnny Damon's Homerun Club or the Children's Health Fund you can find links to both at the top right hand corner of our page.


Raven King said...

What else can Joba do if he can't fist pump?
Pursing his lips like Jonathan the Moron Papelbon?

Roberto Alejandro said...

That stupid lip thing has to be the most obnoxious thing done by any pitcher ever in the history of the game. The worst is when announcers act like it's intimidating, "He's glaring in with that glare!" Andy Pettitte has a glare, Papelbon just looks stupid. There is a difference.