Recently, Lou Piniella sent Milton Bradley home for crushing a water cooler after another poor at-bat. Apparently there had been a string of water cooler assaults in the Cubs' dugout as of late, and Lou was tired of it.
"Every time I wanted a drink of water, the cooler was laying on the floor, all the water spilt everywhere. I'm f------g tired of not being able to get a drink when I'm thirsty," Piniella explained.
We thought we should ask Milton Bradley for his side of the story, and he had this to say, "That water cooler, it's always mocking me. I strike out, it just stares at me as I get back in to the dugout. I pop out, it's like, 'I'm orange, f--k you!' I couldn't take it anymore, it had to go."
At first, we were certain Mr. Bradley had lost more than a few Connect Four pieces. However, our minds changed when we spoke to Carlos Zambrano. "Yeah, that water cooler is evil," explained Zambrano. "We hate that thing. Lou loves it, because he thinks its funny. The cooler is always saying things about the umpires, and Lou just laughs, but then he says things about us and it hurts, because Lou just laughs."
The orange water cooler was cracked by Milton Bradley, and has since been replaced by a blue water cooler. "I don't know how I feel about this latest cooler," admitted Bradley. "I mean, it doesn't give me lip, but the old one had balls, you know?"
We know, Mr. Bradley, we know.