How The Yankees Break the Cycle of Fear

At this point there is no doubt that the Yankees are deathly afraid of the Boston Red Sox. Though I thought I would never say those words, its pretty clear. The Yankees did fine against their lesser rivals the New York Mets, but against the Red Sox they look like deer in the head lights of a truck driven by murderous ninjas whose sole purpose in life is to kill deers with their deer killing ninja truck. Like most phobias this fear is irrational. Just ask the Rays. Most phobia's can be broken by facing your fears head on, but that hasn't worked for the Yankees thus far, and has in fact served to justify their fears. So now there's only one thing left, and that's to themselves instill fear back into the very object they fear. They must make the Red Sox fear them, and this is how they do it:

It is a well known fact the Red Sox players fear sobriety. So the Yankees just need to swap the Sox's "water" cooler with, well, water. Then when the Sox figure out what's going on and send the bat boy on a beer run, the Yankees must have cops waiting to arrest the 10 year old bat boy holding Josh Beckett's license. Then when the Sox come up to bat, Posada needs to mention how they've really cleaned up well, and that he's happy they're on the wagon. The fear will then be instilled, and they will start to crack. By the third inning the Sox will officially break, and some will make a run for the concessions stands. Because of the long lines at the concession stands, they won't be able to wait for their starter to return and be forced to use the only sober player on their roster to pitch: the towel boy. The Yankees tee off against the towel boy, and win such a lop sided victory that the cycle of fear will have been effectively broken. There's no downside to this plan. The Yankees win, the Red Sox lose, the fear is ended, and beer sales increase 33% for that game.