Today, Derek Jeter turns 35, which in Derek Jeter years is more like 25. Derek Jeter has been, and continues to be, the most dominant shortstop in the game (not to mention, he doesn't need roids, he has natural testosterone levels higher than Floyd Landis's).
One time, when Derek was a toddler, his father was changing the tire of his truck outside their Kansas farm. The jack failed and the truck almost crushed poor Mr. Jeter, but Jeter lifted the car over his head, saving his father.
Another time, Derek was bitten by a spider. No big deal you say? Happens all the time you say? Well, the next day the school bully tried to pick a fight with young Derek, but Derek housed him, delivering a punch that sent the bully flying 20 feet.
Then, of course, there was the time that Derek's best friend was killed by a very large Russian boxer, who then threatened to crush Derek. Derek knocked him out, then delivered a speech, whose theme was change, that humanized the West in the eyes of the Russian populace, and directly led to the fall of the iron curtain.
Today, RJG salutes this great American. Happy Birthday, Derek! May your first child, be a masculine child.