Friday, August 7, 2009

Jerry Hairston Jr. Sees Rivalry Up Close

The Yankees newest utility player, Jerry Hairston Jr. was able to see and even participate in sports greatest rivalry. In yesterdays game against the Red Sox, Hairston drew a walk and scored a run, but his experience with the rivalry started even before that.

"I wanted to get a feel for the rivalry. Everyone says that there's nothing like it anywhere. A unique experience they tell me. So to really submerge myself in it, I drove over to Boston in my Yankee uniform and challenged everyone on the streets to a fist fight."

Hairston explained that the rivalry was alive, and well, and probably some of the fiercest he had ever seen.

"I was fighting the locals for like 3 hours. Half were drunk, the other half hung over. It was like fighting zombies."

Because they were slow and non-receptive to pain?

"No, because they kept trying to eat me, it was really kind of strange."

The melee lasted until Derek Jeter showed up in his Ford Explorer and began signing autographs for the locals.

"(Expletive) Youkilis! I have Derek Jeter's autograph!" Explained Boston native and frequent bar brawler Robert Collins.

"Seeing Jeter was the greatest experience of my sober life." Said local resident and frequent bar brawler Kimberly Fitzpatrick.

Did Jerry Hairston learn anything from his experience?

"Well, I feel like I really got a taste for the rivalry. I'm glad I did it. At one point I had one of the Kennedy's in a head lock, and I was swinging a broken Guiness bottle at Deval Patrick, and I just really felt like I connected with the rivalry at that point, you know? At the end of the day, Jeter bought us all a round of Sam Adams, and we laughed it off. Myself and the 4 dozen Bostonians I fought. Good man that Derek Jeter."


1 comment:

TribeGirl said...

What the h#ll??? **Shaking my head once again wondering what you are on and cracking up at the same time - Hilarious!!!