Saturday, March 27, 2010

Hoping to Avoid Media Circus, A-Rod Reschedules Meeting with Feds

It was widely reported that A-Rod was to meet Federal investigators in Buffalo yesterday to discuss his relationship with the evil Dr. Tony Galea. That meeting, however, was postponed by mutual consent according to the Daily News, in order to "avoid a media circus."

"It's really disappointing," said one AP reporter. "We work really hard putting on this circus and people always try to avoid it. I mean, any journalism major can juggle three balls, or even bowling pins in the air. But I juggle sticks that are on fire. Do you know how much work I put into that just to have these guys not show up? That's bull$#!%."

Indeed, many members of the press spend countless hours preparing and rehearsing their media circus, only to be insulted by celebrities and persons of interest who refuse to show up.

"What the f*** am I supposed to do with this tiger I bought?" yelled one photographer working with Reuters. "I spent months training it. You can't just return a trained tiger to the wild, the other tigers will make fun of him. It will be like Madagascar 2 where Ben Stiller gets disowned by the Lion King. It's not right for these guys not to show up after we've put so much work into this thing."

"I've spent the last two years growing this beard," explained one female reporter. "Rogaine, weekly hormone treatments with Manny Ramirez. For what? For nothing, that's what. Just so A-Rod can screw me over. I'm definitely writing another book about how awful he is after I break into his house again while his daughter sleeps upstairs."

While this recent turn of events may sour A-Rod's rebuilt relationship with the press, A-Rod is focused purely on baseball.

"It was important for me to be here," said A-Rod. "To play the Phillies again in Spring Training, get a couple at-bats and then drive home before the game is in the sixth inning. This is what it's all about."


lady gaganonymous said...

What do tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze?

Also (puts on tinfoil hat) I think they are all Boston fans up in Buffalo and they will suddenly ~mysteriously~ need to interview him the night of April 4th. Oh, and then he will boot a grounder at some point in April and we'll all have to hear about how the meeting with the feds is in his head.

lady gaganonymous said...

also today I was trying to think of the dumbest Yankee "controversies" of the past few years. I came up with:
1. A-Rod. Just... A-Rod. Hopefully these controversies are over, however.
2. are Joba's fistpumps destroying humanity?
3. everything having to do with Johnny Damon's free agency
4. the Joba/Hughes starting debate
5. did the Red Sox pass their curse on to the Yankees? (ca. 2007)
6. should Girardi be fired IMMEDIATELY????

Ugh there are so many more but I can't even think of them right now. Feel free to add!

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

The Mo/Jeter/Girardi contract extensions as distractions was stupid.

Did the off-days in the play-offs give the Yanks an unfair advantage? Stupid. It's not our fault there weren't enough rest days to allow the Angels or Phillies to win it with one starter (Lackey and Lee respectively).

Are Jeter and A-Rod still best buds? That was annoying. I'm trying to think of others, but those came to mind first.

lady gaganonymous said...

ooh another one: everyone flipping out when Joe Torre's 84-78 Dodgers made the playoffs in 2008 and the 89-73 Joe Girardi Yankees didn't. WE'RE CURSED BECAUSE WE TREATED TORRE SO BADLY BY OFFERING HIM MORE MONEY THAN ANY MANAGER WOULD HAVE MADE!

lady gaganonymous said...

Lupica, right on cue:

lady gaganonymous said...

Dammit. This better?

Rich Mahogany said...

1. The Yankees can't win a championship because they spend too much money on selfish players who don't know how to win.

2. The Yankees bought their championship.