Thursday, March 25, 2010

Where's Joba?

Conspicuously absent from all the Hughes as fifth starter coverage is any reaction from Joba. According to Girardi, Joba's reaction to being told he would pitch out of the 'pen was to say he'd be happy to do anything to help the team. RJG, however, not content to leave this lacuna in coverage to stand, has done the extra investigative work that the liberal corporate-controlled right-wing media refuses to do. You, our readers, deserve nothing less.

Joba was told the news last night. He immediately started weeping, and ran out of Girardi's office, yelling, "Dream murderers!" He then disappeared for several hours, at which point Granderson realized his locker costume was missing. Considering Hughes had been using that locker, the Yankees thought it best to take precaution in case Joba turned his rage on Hughes, their new fifth starter. All lockers in the Yankees clubhouse were removed, and all player items are now to be kept in clear plastic bags. Then Joba reappeared holding a bottle of whiskey. Security was summoned to escort him from the premises but Joba grew unruly. "Get your hands off me!" Joba yelled. "I can show myself out! I have rights!" Joba then smashed out Girardi's windows in the parking lot and passed out in the public restroom of Steinbrenner Stadium. At that point Hughes walked into the Yankees clubhouse, yelling, "Look, I'm my own locker!" The Yankees plan to use Chamberlain as Mariano's eighth inning set-up man.

8 comments:

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

more Chamberlain reaction.

Rich Mahogany said...

I am confused and disheartened by this story. What is a lacuna and why does it hate the Yankees? Will this outburst decrease the value of my Joba jersey, beyond the fact that it is stained with chai?

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

The stain might raise the value of you jersey if you can convince people it was the actual jersey Joba was wearing when he flipped out after hearing the fifth starter news and that it was him who stained it. Just manufacture a receipt from Steiner Sports, that should do the trick.

Jon Roberts said...

I guess Joba drinking Chai would explain his lack of aggression on the mound. Some one get the man a cup of coffee for crying out loud.

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

LOL.

lady gaganonymous said...

This is hilarious

Did Joba's DUI happen because a prophet came to him and told him how he was gonna pitch in 2009?

lady gaganonymous said...

also I think a "lacuna" is a hole, right? (thanks to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for that)

Roberto E. Alejandro said...

pretty much. It generally is used to refer to something that is missing, hence 'a lacuna in coverage.'