Sunday, March 28, 2010

New Yankees Controversy

This spring has largely been a quiet one in Yankees land, but we may have just manufactured a controversy so great it will completely undo Major League Baseball. The Yankees, it appears, spent last Spring organizing underground street fights between killer whales and dolphins at Sea World. They then used the profits, profits that due to their illegal nature did not have to be reported to MLB or the IRS, to purchase a championship. The championship was bought at a local championship store in Tampa which guarantees the authenticity of all the championships that it sells. The Yankees have been stockpiling championships for decades. Federal investigators are currently launching an inquiry into the Yankees' activities, but it may be difficult to pin anything on them.


Rich Mahogany said...

This might be in bad taste, but the only man capable of devising such a scheme is George Steinbrenner. Which means that George is still pulling all the strings, and his poor health is just a ruse to deflect attention.

To be clear, when I say "this might be in poor taste," I mean the scheme that the Yankees are perpetrating, not my insinuation that George Steinbrenner isn't actually suffering from a tragic loss of faculties, and is instead faking such a condition as part of an elaborate ruse.

Dylan Murphy said...

faking such a condition is by no means out of the realm of possibility. Either that or he's been testing illegal drugs on himself before giving them to his players. The ones that have worked, all Yankees players use. The ones that didnt, well, that's why he's sick.

lady gaganonymous said...


So like uhhh can we just get to the real games already? (I'm saying it now; if we leave Fenway with ONE WIN in that first set, I will be very happy.)